How to Talk to Women – 101 Tips for Men
Men, regardless of how advanced our societies maybe, have wondered the same thing ever since ancient times – how to talk to women.
To be fair, women often wonder the same about men. The fact is that there are huge differences between sexes, which sometimes hinders communication.
These differences are based both on biology and psychosocial development. When we reach adulthood, they are tough to change – in rare cases, it is even possible.
The best course of action is to simply learn how to communicate with the opposite sex despite the differences.
So, before we talk about how to talk to women, and what to talk to women about, let us try to understand the basic differences that put apart men from women.
How men and women differ
One of the best reads on the differences between men and women is now classic Barbara, and Allan Pease’s Why Men Don’t Listen, and Women Can’t Read Maps. This is a well-informed and science-based book.
But, it is also a very humorous account of those subtle and not so subtle differences between the sexes that make most of us go crazy over time.
Biology and cultural norms turn men and women into beings from another planet, to some extent.
For example, men have narrow-focused attention, something like a tunnel of concentration. They focus very well on one thing, but that usually means shutting everything else off.
Women, on the other hand, have a bit shallow focus. It doesn’t imply that they lack focusing abilities; instead, their focus encompasses a wide range of stimuli. For example, women can (they do) talk and listen at the same time.
This is why, to men, a female gathering resembles, well, a bundle of words all mixed-up together. Well, this doesn’t bother women at all, as they are adept at this art. This is the mastery that all women have without undergoing any training!
Furthermore, when it comes to the issue of the purpose of talking, as funny as it may sound, men and women also use it for different reasons. Men see it as a means to transfer a message, negotiate express one’s thoughts.
On the other hand, women do not prioritize the exchange of information over their feelings. They tend to use conversation as the best way to explore how they’re feeling about something, to seek comfort, and to work through their emotions.
To get deeper insights into how men differ from women, watch this video:
How these differences turn into mayhem in communication
For this reason, Biblical Babylon, and a conversation between a modern man and a woman might present striking similarities.
For example, a man might want to discuss a problem of the utility bills objectively simply. Try to resolve the issues at hand as efficiently as possible.
The woman, however, first thinks of why the man started this conversation, why at that moment, how does he feel about her, why he’s so unemotional, does it mean that he’s angry with her…?
So, he will probably try and be more and more concise and precise, believing that he’s not presenting his proposal clearly enough, since she appears to get more and more agitated and, also, irrational.
She, on the other hand, will truly become more and more anxious about the whole thing. In fact, she will probably completely disregard what the man is talking about. For her, the conversation happens on a different level entirely.
This is how men and women in conversation inadvertently transform the most normal and easy conversation into hostile and tense arguments.
And, God forbid if it is the case of men talking to women online, the misinterpretations can escalate to the next level, and the entire situation can completely go astray.
In this situation, men might even have to spend the rest of their life in suspense, wondering what exactly did they do to cause such mayhem!
How to talk to women and understand each other
The question still remains, how to have a conversation with a girl?
So, the best way to start a conversation with a girl is in understanding and having respect for her.
Like in the case discussed above, it is an earnest request to the men that don’t lose patience. Do not start shouting insults at women when you think that they do not perceive your ‘simple thought’ easily.
Yes, it might appear as a madhouse at times. But, if you have in mind the woman’s perspective, you’ll understand that she isn’t trying to be irrational and annoying. It’s just that she functions on an altogether different tangent, which unfortunately isn’t yours.
Instead, try the following. And if it may sound like too much trouble, just think of all the hours lost in ineffective communication. Perhaps then, you would get the desired motivation to talk to women appropriately.
Spend some time getting to understand the psychology behind how women communicate.
Learn about the differences between the genders. And the next time you talk to women, try to bear in mind the fact that you do differently, but you can also work through the differences.
For example, don’t try to offer reality checks to your wife, such as pointing out that she might be overreacting. You may think you’re solving a problem for her.
But what she hears is that you don’t really appreciate her feelings. In other words, you’re acting out of care for her, while she hears that you don’t care for her.
When you talk to women, it’s important to moderate your need to offer solutions.
Instead, validate her feelings first, and listen for a while before presenting a suggestion. Bear in mind that you might not hear a definite stance on something and be patient. She needs to bounce her ideas off of you and work through possible perspectives.
Your job, as her husband, is to be there, support, listen, and aid only if necessary. That’s the best help you can give her.
Remember these easy yet effective tips for talking to women. These suggestions seem to be very obvious on the surface. But, the irony is, most men fail to implement this easy advice most of the time they talk to women.
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Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. By taking purposeful and a whole-hearted action, Sylvia feels that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one.
