15 Ways How to Deal With a Pathological Liar in a Relationship

Trust is the foundation of every relationship, and once it’s broken, rebuilding it can feel impossible. 

Imagine constantly questioning your partner’s words, unsure if they’re being truthful or spinning yet another lie. You start to doubt yourself, second-guessing every conversation, and the emotional toll is overwhelming.

What do you do when the person you love manipulates the truth so often that you don’t know where reality ends and deception begins? 

Do you confront them? Do you try to fix it? Or do you simply walk away? 

If you’re asking yourself, “How to deal with a pathological liar?” or thinking, “My husband is a pathological liar,” you’re not alone.

So, it’s often more complex than just a bad habit.

If you’re married to a pathological liar or struggling in a relationship where lies are constant, this article is here to help. Discover the causes behind their behavior and mindful ways to address it. 

Who is a pathological liar?

A pathological liar deals with pathological lying. Pathological lying is a mental disorder in which a person habitually or compulsively lies, even when there are no obvious reasons for them to lie.

Since they tend to lie habitually, clinical studies reveal no concrete motives for the actions of pathological liars. However, there seems to be some evidence from a medical study that challenges with an individual’s central nervous system can predispose them to become pathological liars.

Considering these, being in a romantic relationship with a pathological liar can easily prove to be one of the most difficult things you may experience in your lifetime.

Pathological liar vs. compulsive liar

Lying in relationships can be incredibly damaging, but not all lies are the same. 

If you’ve found yourself thinking, “My partner is a pathological liar” or struggling with how to deal with a liar in a relationship, understanding the difference between pathological and compulsive lying can help. Both types of liars twist the truth, but their reasons for doing so are quite different.

Here’s a breakdown to help you identify which one you’re dealing with:

How does pathological lying affect relationships

As per Maggie Martinez, LCSW,

The lack of remorse, guilt or discomfort from a pathological liar shows a lack of empathy and understanding for how their lie may have affected you.

Pathological lying can unravel the fabric of any relationship. It causes confusion, mistrust, and emotional exhaustion. When the truth becomes a constant mystery, it’s hard to feel secure, valued, or understood. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “My partner is a compulsive liar,” you know how draining it can be.

So before you wrap your thoughts around how to deal with a pathological liar, here are some practical ways pathological lying affects relationships:

Causes of pathological lying

Generally speaking, medical reports reveal that pathological lying has little or no known causes. Medical data also reveal that pathological lying can easily be a symptom of an underlying problem surrounding the person for which they should receive professional help. 

As a symptom of an underlying condition, pathological lying can also be a sign that the individual is battling with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD), or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). 

Considering the severity of these mental conditions, one of the best ways to deal with pathological liars after identifying them is by supporting them get professional help.

Signs your partner could be a pathological liar

There can be instances that force you to wonder how to deal with a pathological liar or even how to cope with a pathological liar on a daily basis. 

At times, you might even question how to end a relationship with a pathological liar for the sake of your peace and sanity.

Spotting a pathological liar isn’t always easy, especially when their lies are woven so smoothly into everyday conversation. Here are some clear signs that might indicate you’re dealing with a pathological liar.

1. They show no discomfort, even if they’re caught in the act

A pathological liar won’t flinch when caught in a lie. For example, if you confront them about an inconsistency, they might act completely unfazed, offering another lie to cover up the first one. This lack of guilt or embarrassment can leave you wondering if you’re imagining things.

2. Pathological liars are observant

They are extremely good at reading people, using small details to craft believable lies. Imagine they pick up on your mood or specific details about your day and then create stories that fit into your world. 

It can be unsettling because they seem to know exactly what to say to keep you from suspecting them.

3. Pathological lying usually starts small

At first, the lies might seem harmless, like exaggerating about a work situation or telling small white lies about their past. 

But over time, these lies snowball into bigger, more damaging falsehoods that become harder to keep up with. Before you know it, you’re dealing with layers of deceit.

4. A little probing can reveal their lies

Sometimes, asking a few clarifying questions can unravel their entire story. For instance, if they mention an event and you ask for specific details, they might become defensive or fumble through their explanation. This probing often exposes the gaps in their elaborate tales.

5. Their stories are usually inconsistent

One of the biggest red flags is inconsistency. You might notice that their stories change over time—details that were mentioned once are forgotten or replaced. 

For example, they could tell you they were out with friends but later mention being home alone that night. These contradictions become more frequent as their web of lies grows.

Even Maggie Martinez suggests,

Pay attention to these differences because someone telling the truth will be fearlessly consistent.

How to deal with a pathological liar in a relationship

Dealing with a pathological liar in a relationship can be an emotional rollercoaster on loop. The constant barrage of lies makes you question reality and your instincts. Everyday life feels exhausting. 

When you catch them in another lie, your immediate reaction might be disbelief, frustration, or even anger. But over time, it becomes essential to develop a coping mechanism.

Broadly speaking, you’ll need to decide how much dishonesty you’re willing to tolerate and whether you can see beyond the behavior to the deeper issues that may be driving it.  How to deal with a pathological liar depends on your emotional resilience and what feels right for you in the relationship.

15 ways to deal with a pathological liar

Lastly, let’s talk about the practical tips for dealing with a pathological liar:

1. Have a conversation with yourself

If you want to keep the relationship alive, you have a lot of work ahead of you. It helps to begin this journey by having a heart-to-heart with yourself. 

This is because it is impossible to help them get better when you haven’t yet admitted that there’s a need for them to be better. 

2. Talk to them 

This can be tricky because the knee-jerk reaction of a pathological liar would be to rebuff your submission when you have told them what you’ve noticed. 

However, it helps to approach them when they are in a good mood. This way, they may be more open to your words. 

3. When talking to them, how you present your case is vital 

When talking to them, it helps to present your case in a way that isn’t judgemental or makes them feel spooked. 

As a rule of thumb, you may want to use mild statements to drive your point home. Then again, if they start feeling defensive, let down a bit and allow some time to pass before bringing up the subject again.

4. Mentally prepare yourself against their verbal jabs and lies 

Now that you have identified them for who they truly are, take out some time to mentally prepare yourself against their verbal jabs and lies. 

Once the pathological liar knows that you are onto them, they would most likely resort to trying manipulative schemes on you. This is also a great time for you to take everything they tell you with a pinch of salt. 

5. Do away with the blame game 

Remember that the person who is telling these lies may not intend to do you any harm with them. 

They may just be responding to the inner compulsion they feel and may even have to beat themselves up afterward. This is why you should do your best not to blame them when you have identified their lies, especially if you seek to strengthen the relationship. 

6. Pay attention and call them out 

When you have identified their lies, one of the most effective ways to call them out is by using facts to let them know that some of the details of their stories do not add up. 

Calling out a pathological liar is tricky because it alerts them that you are onto them, and they may respond by telling another bunch of lies to cover up their tracks. 

But if you are trying to figure out how to stop pathological lying, you would have to let them know that you are paying keen attention. 

Here’s a helpful video on how to deal with emotional manipulation:

7. Avoid them when it is possible 

Constantly interacting with pathological liars is emotionally draining. The best way to avoid the emotional stress that comes to you as a result is by staying away from them as often as possible. 

However, it helps to do this in a way that doesn’t give off the fact that you are avoiding them. 

8. Build a strong case 

Knowing that the pathological liar will do all they can to rebuff your submission when you finally confront them, you must spend some time building up a strong case. 

Gather facts and figures (who they spoke to, what they said, and the inconsistencies you noticed) before talking to them. This is the only guarantee that you may not end the session feeling like you have lost your mind. 

9. Consider the underlying causes 

We already discussed that pathological lying could be the result of several things, including some underlying health and mental conditions. 

To get to the root of all those, you would need to talk to them and figure out if they have other accompanying symptoms that suggest they are dealing with any of these underlying conditions. 

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, suggests,

In this moment, it would be helpful to consult a therapist who can address the compulsive behavior.

10.  Let them know that you want to team up 

Instead of declaring yourself the enemy, try to make them understand that you want to team up with them and help them through these trying times. 

Considering the nature of the challenge they are going through, they may shrink back and even rebuff you. Give them space but just let them know that you are there for them. 

11. Ask for explanations 

One way to get them talking and analyzing their actions after another bout of telling lies is by allowing them to explain their actions. This helps you eliminate that feeling of being judgemental and also helps you keep an open mind in the relationship. 

12. Don’t humor them 

Leading a pathological liar on (by nodding your head and smiling at them, even after identifying that they are lying) can encourage more lying. 

When you figure that they are in that place again, find expert ways to change the subject of the conversation or to shut down the conversation immediately. 

13. Give this time 

The truth is that someone who has spent their life in a den of pathological lying will not get up one day and simply quit. 

They would need time and the dedication to take baby steps until everything is in the past. Patience is a virtue you would need on this journey.

14. Point them in the direction of getting professional help 

Although there is no known treatment for pathological lying, the person can do a lot better with help from professionals. 

Their compulsion to lie could be stemming from past trauma, underlying mental challenges, or even other conditions they would need the help of professional therapists/psychological experts with.  

15. Know when to walk away 

Since you are trying to make the most out of that relationship, you must remember that not all relationships are salvageable. 

If you have done your best and they aren’t making any efforts to be better, you may want to protect yourself by calling the relationship quits. 

Do this because of your mental health and safety. 

Trust, lies, and moving forward

Living with a partner who constantly distorts the truth can leave you emotionally drained and questioning your own reality. It’s not just about the lies themselves, but the impact they have on your trust, communication, and sense of security. 

As difficult as it may be, the path forward requires introspection. Ask yourself: Is this behavior something I can handle long-term? Can we rebuild trust, or is it time to move on?

Finding clarity in such situations is never easy, but it’s crucial for your emotional well-being. Whether you choose to confront the issues, seek professional guidance, or decide it’s time to walk away, remember that protecting your peace and emotional health should always come first.

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Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

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