Marriage is a fun, exciting, and romantic thing but it’s also tough work. It doesn’t come with official instructions or a manual on how to make it work for the long run. Nobody enters into marriage knowing all the right answers.
Marriage, like life, isn’t perfect and it depends on the couple how they tackle the messy arguments and disagreements. It’s their choice to stick together in tough times, and then hope to find harmony back in their married life or to seek separation and divorce due to irreconcilable differences.
Three main reasons why couples resort to separation
There are many reasons why a marriage full of love may turn into a shouting match after some time – infidelity, traumatic events, financial stress, or just growing apart over time are some of the reasons why marriages fail. At such a time the couple needs to make a decision. Do they want to make their relationship work or are they ready to go their separate ways?
Separation reveals a new perspective
In a relationship divorce is a big step. It’s vital to contemplate it and inspect it from all angles. According to experts, it can be better not to rush into a divorce but instead separate for some time so that you can get a fresh perspective.
We usually see couples living apart as individuals who have reached their breaking point. They’ve tried everything else to get their marriage on track and are now just one step away from divorce.
Separation with professional help can strengthen your marriage
You might feel that separating physically when the marriage is already in trouble, and you have a weakened connection with your spouse, may further jeopardize your marriage. But if you try separation carefully with some experienced professional support, you may find that separation builds stronger marriages.
If you are willing to go to any lengths to make your marriage work and have decided to separate so that you can sort out your feelings, then read on. Keep these points in mind during this period to find out how separation builds stronger marriages:
1. Get professional help from a marriage counselor
If you both have decided to separate to improve the quality of your marriage, it’s best for the said couple to employ the services of a counselor or a therapist. Although, they might not be able to solve all your relationship problems they will be able to help you identify the issues in your marriage due to their objectivity. You can be honest and open about your feelings and both of you will be able to communicate better and find out if you can resolve all the issues that your marriage faces.
2. Create a timeline
When you decide to take a break from your marriage and to separate for a while the best thing for the couple to do is to set a timeline. You should set a concrete end date for your separation like three months or six months. This will make sure that you’ll try to resolve the issues within the timeline; otherwise, your separation could last for years or immediately end in divorce. Setting an end date will create a sense of urgency and the couple is likely to experience if separation builds stronger marriages.
3. Be sure to focus on yourself
One of the reasons why you may not be happy in your marriage could be that you may have lost touch with what made you happy in the first place. Marriage doesn’t mean that you have to spend every waking minute trying to make your spouse happy.
Although there are many activities that the couple can do together that can bring shared joy, it’s also important to keep doing the things that you loved before you got married. If you enjoyed painting or were into acting, make some time to continue such activities.
4. Work to sort out your differences
Research shows that 79% of separation ends in divorce, but the collected doesn’t deny that separation builds strong marriages if done right. Use this separation time to work out your differences. Be sincere to your marital bond and strive to honor your marriage vows.
5. Set limits
If you decide that separation is the best option available to you, then it’s necessary to create clear boundaries. Give each other proper breathing space. Make decisions regarding money, living arrangements, and kids (if you have them). If you have decided to separate then actually do, instead of forcing yourself to live together, as to find out if you can save your marriage.
Take your separation time seriously. Many people go on living separate lives for many years without trying to work things out. Use this time to see if separation can help build you a stronger marriage. Work towards a stronger foundation for your marriage and try to repair what went wrong in your relationship.