Parting ways after a long-term relationship is a trying moment in your life; worse when children are involved. You require the right attitude and support systems to help you heal faster with minimal emotional stress which might lead to depression. The shuttered hopes of many happy times to be spent together till old age with lots of expectations and emotional and property investment can make you insane. You have to handle it with confidence and eventually you will come out better and stronger.
Divorce is a better option than staying in an unhappy marriage atmosphere. It gives you room for a right partner to find you for a fruitful relationship. The future seems uncertain, but in the end, there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are couples who have gone through separation and divorce yet they are in happy second or even third marriages.
Six best ways on how to handle a separation and divorce:
1. Restore your personality
Deal with negative thoughts and signs of guilt which lowers your self-esteem. Yes, it is over and you have done your best to salvage it though all signs prove it was not a worthy cause. Dust yourself and pick up the pieces. It is not the time to tear yourself further, but, time to rebuild yourself and bring back your lost identity as a result of the marriage problems. Work on your personality development and character building. Acquire new skills which give you room to showcase your talent as a reassurance of your worth.
2. Counsel the children to deal with the negative emotions
Children have an emotional connection with both parents in a close-knit family setup. At times, they never saw you argue, all of a sudden, there is a big change difficult to accept. Talk to the children to understand that it was never their fault. Uplift their low spirit by assuring them of your unconditional love with minimal changes. Of course, there may be significant changes, continuously, let them recognize it and take it positively. In extreme cases of signs of depression, seek a counselor to deal with the negative feelings.
3. Accept and move on with your life
Be honest with yourself, stop living in denial and let reality dawn on you that it is no longer business as usual. Move on with your life; take the time to heal for emotional relief for a passage to start dating once again. Do not interfere with his or her life through stalking or threatening the new partner. Definitely, it hurts but it is now beyond your control. Strategize and prioritize your life and that of the children. Marriage counselors advise you take a break away from a relationship until you are sure that you are ready for it. It is time to work on your personality by acquiring new skills which you procrastinated because of marriage responsibilities to keep your mind busy away from negative thoughts.
4. Avoid stalking your ex-partner for unnecessary arguments
You have come to a conclusion of a divorce, then give yourself space to live separately as you maintain the boundaries of financial responsibilities and co-parenting. It is natural to yell insults at your spouse due to bitterness and resentment, it is not advisable, it gives you negative energy which slows down your progress in the “accept and move on” attitude. Talk to one another when it is necessary within the boundaries of your divorce or separation agreement.
5. Engage in activities that build you rather than tear you
You have a lot of time at your disposal; if not well utilized, it is a source of negative thoughts. Make good use of the time to study or read a motivational book or enroll in a fitness group or follow your passion in hands-on skills.
6. Get a marriage counselor and socialize with family and friends
Do not wallow in pity through isolating yourself. If you cannot handle the stress then get a marriage counselor to help you to a smooth transition of singlehood. Socializing with friends who never judge you or blame you is also therapeutic. In fact, if possible engage in other talks not related to marriage unless it is a counseling session.
Separation is just the first stage to divorce. It is a period of soul searching to get a concrete solution to your marriage. Opt for a divorce when you are sure it is the best option for both of you. Take one day at a time and finally, you will emerge victorious.