Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? 15 Reasons Why Can’t You Get Over Your Ex

Breakups are something that it is difficult to prepare yourself for. You never know how you will feel from one to the next.

This is why when you are considering, why can’t I get over my ex? There might be several reasons you are feeling this way.

How long does it take to get over an ex?

There is no set amount of time it takes to get over your ex. It can take quite a while to process your feelings and understand that your relationship is over.

However, if you are still wondering how to forget your ex, you may need to reach out for support, talk to a therapist, or start to make a plan to move on.

Dionne Eleanor, Relationship & Empowerment Mentor, states, 

When you focus on what was, you miss the beauty of what could be.

These things may help you figure out why can’t i get over my ex.

Also Try: Am I Still in Love With My Ex Quiz

5 signs you still have feelings for your ex

There are a few things that can give you a clue that you still have feelings, for ex.

1. You are still contacting them frequently.

2. You argue with them on social media.

3. You haven’t let go of any of their things.

4. You are holding out hope that you will get back together.

5. You won’t stop comparing them to other people.

If you notice that you have been doing any of these things, it may be time to think about how to change up your routine.

Related Reading: How to Get Over a Guy

15 reasons you can’t get over your ex

Keep reading for 15 reasons why you can’t stop thinking about your ex. Some of them may surprise you!

1. You spend too much time watching their online profiles 

If you are checking out your ex’s social media profiles every day or almost every day, it may be counterintuitive to ask why can’t I get over my ex.

Instead, you should do your best to spend your time not worrying about what your ex is doing.

2. You haven’t taken the time to grieve the relationship 

On occasion, when a relationship ends, you may not take the proper time to get over the relationship. Instead, you may have tried your best to distract yourself or keep your feelings at bay.

Keep in mind that it is healthy to grieve a relationship and take the time to process all of your feelings, so you have a better chance of moving on.

Related Reading: What Are the Stages of Grief in a Relationship Break-up

3. You need closure

If you could not say a proper goodbye or ended up breaking up when you’re still in love, you may be thinking about your ex long after the relationship ended.

This might be because you need closure.

Related Reading: How to Get Closure After a Breakup 

4. You are still communicating with your ex 

It is a good idea to stop communicating with your ex once you break up. This can help you process all of the feelings that you are experiencing.

In some instances, if you are still talking to your ex, they may get the wrong impression about where they stand with you.

Related Reading: Communicating With Ex: 5 Rules to Keep in Mind

5. You are only concentrating on the good things

When you think about your past relationship, are you only focusing on the redeeming qualities of your ex? If you are, you should be honest with yourself.

There were probably things they did that you didn’t like also. Allow yourself to think about these things as well when you are pondering reasons why you miss someone.

As per Dionne Eleanor, 

Love is not blind; it sees everything clearly, yet often in difficult breakups it can choose to remember the good and omit the bad.

6. You are afraid of new relationships

For some, considering a new relationship is frightening. After all, you have to learn a new person, and they have to learn you.

This concept can be enough to make you feel like you don’t even want to try.

However, you should do your best to think positively about future relationships since you never know what they will be like.

7. The breakup brought up feelings or issues

If you are upset and wondering, why can’t I get over my ex, this may have something to do with other things you have experienced in your past.

For example, if you feel like you have been abandoned by people who are supposed to care about you, a breakup may also bring up those old feelings.

Be sure to have a support system to help you get through these feelings, or work with a therapist if you feel comfortable doing so.

8. You blame yourself for the breakup 

Blaming yourself for your breakup is unlikely to make getting over your ex easier.

It would help if you instead focused on what you want to do next and how you’ll be happy again.

It would be best if you stayed away from the idea of blaming yourself or the other person for the relationship ending. Chances are, it just wasn’t right.

9. You aren’t sure who you are anymore

When you’re pondering why can’t I get over my ex, you may feel like they are a big part of who you are.

If you are someone that changes some of who they are based on who they are dating, it may be easy for you to forget what you like to do.

If this is the case, you must learn about yourself again. Figure out what you like to spend your time doing, what you like to eat, and what makes you laugh.

10. You think your last relationship was the best you’ll ever have

Try not to focus on how to stop loving your ex. You might consider your ex to be the best relationship you will ever have.

The flip side of this notion is that you won’t know for sure unless you get yourself back out there. Another meaningful relationship can be just around the corner if you are willing to take a chance.

11. You aren’t sure how to be single

Again, you might not know much about yourself and are unsure what to do with yourself when you’re single.

Dionne Eleanor highlights, 

Rediscovery of self is the first step to reclaiming your heart.

You may feel more comfortable being in a couple. While this is okay, it is also okay to be by yourself for a little bit. This can give you a chance to get to know your likes and dislikes.

Related Reading: How to be Single And Happy

12. You are overthinking 

After you unpair from someone, you probably have many thoughts running through your mind. 

You could be thinking, why do I still love my ex, or why can’t I get over my ex.

These questions are valid, but you should try not to overthink them. Handle your emotions as they come, and make sure that you focus on other things as well.

Dionne Eleanor highlights, 

Closure isn’t just about saying goodbye; it’s about understanding the lessons learned.

13. You’re filled with regrets 

Are you filled with regrets when you think about your past relationship? If so, this is something you have to work through.

Try not to blame your’s or your ex’s behavior for the breakup. This is unlikely to provide you with much solace at the end of the day.

Related Reading: Was Breaking Up a Mistake? 10 Signs You Might Regret It

14. You have low self-esteem 

If you have low self-esteem, it may be harder to get over your ex.

You might feel like all hope is lost and that you’ll never be happy again. At the same time, you owe it to yourself to see if this is true or not.

15. You haven’t cleared out their things

When you are still looking at items you bought together or are wearing your ex’s favorite shirt, you shouldn’t sit around asking why can’t I get over my ex.

It would help if you kept your ex’s possessions out of your sight while you process the breakup. You might consider putting these things in a box and asking a friend to hold onto it for you.

Related Reading: What to Do When You Miss Your Ex

Watch this video to learn how to let go of your relationship:

How do you get over your ex?

When you are puzzled by why can’t I get over my ex, you need to take a moment to consider your behavior. Here are a few ways that you can start the process of moving on.

1. Stay away from places that you know they hang out or might be 

If your ex’s favorite band is in town, don’t go to the show to see if you can catch a glimpse at them.

2. Unfriend them on social media and delete their number

It would be best if you stopped contacting your ex, both virtually and through the phone. The best way to do this is to make sure that it is difficult for you to contact them.

3. Take some time for yourself

Take some time to concentrate on yourself and enjoy your life. There can be benefits to being single, so take advantage of them.

You don’t have to share your food and drinks with someone, and you can always watch what you want to watch.

Related Reading: How to Get Over a Girl

Conclusion

When you are having a hard time thinking, why can’t I get over my ex, there are likely many reasons why this is the case.

Consider the reasons in this list, determine if you are affected by any of them, and do your best to correct these things so you’ll have a better chance of moving on.

Dionne Eleanor concludes, 

Give yourself grace & put loving yourself first; then everything else in the healing process can fall into line much more easily.

You should also remember that there is no time limit on when you should be over your ex, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you are having a hard time getting over a recent breakup.