The Ick in Relationships: Signs, Causes, and How to Survive It

“One day, you love the way they laugh. The next, it makes you want to run for the hills.”

Ever been in a relationship where everything was going great—until, suddenly, it wasn’t? Maybe they chewed too loudly, used too many emojis, or said something that made your skin crawl. 

Out of nowhere, your attraction vanishes, and every little thing they do annoys you. That, my friend, is the ick.

But what is the ick, really? Is it just a temporary phase, or a sign that your feelings are fading for good? And more importantly—is the ick real, or just something we’ve overhyped in modern dating?

Science suggests that the ick meaning goes beyond just minor annoyances. It’s often a gut reaction triggered by subconscious factors—sometimes signaling deeper relationship doubts. So, is there a way to move past it, or does it always mean the end?

Let’s break it down.

What is ‘the ick,’ and why does it happen?

The ick is that sudden, almost unexplainable feeling of being turned off by someone you were once attracted to. One day, you’re enjoying their company—then suddenly, even the way they breathe annoys you. 

It’s not always about something big; it could be as simple as the way they eat, how they pronounce certain words, or how they text. It feels irrational, but it’s real.

• The psychology behind ‘the ick’

So, why do I get the ick so easily? 

It can stem from hidden doubts, mismatched values, or even your brain’s way of protecting you from an unsuitable partner. Sometimes, it’s just about familiarity—what once felt cute and charming now feels repetitive and annoying.

According to Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz, LCSW:

At the beginning of a relationship, everything feels new and exciting. As time goes on, and the initial infatuation fades, you may begin to notice little quirks or traits that give you that ‘ick’ feeling.

• Common triggers of ‘the ick’

Why do women get the ick more often? Some believe women may be more socially conditioned to analyze relationship dynamics, making them more aware of behaviors that feel off-putting. 

But do guys get the ick? Absolutely! While they may not talk about it as openly, men also experience sudden feelings of disinterest in a partner.

Common triggers include:

• Over-the-top affection too soon
• Poor hygiene or bad manners
• Trying too hard to impress
• Unattractive habits (loud chewing, cringy dancing)
• A sudden realization that you’re not as compatible as you thought

It’s a weird but natural part of dating—so, what happens next? Let’s explore.

Is ‘the ick’ normal in long-term relationships?

The ick isn’t just something that happens in early dating—it can creep up even in long-term relationships. 

When you’ve been with someone for a while, their little quirks become more noticeable, and what once seemed charming might start to feel irritating. This doesn’t always mean the relationship is doomed; sometimes, it’s just a natural part of being close to someone for an extended period.

In new relationships, the ick is often tied to uncertainty—your brain is still figuring out if this person is right for you. But in long-term relationships, it’s different. 

Familiarity can sometimes take the spark out of romance, leading to moments where you feel annoyed by things you used to overlook. Stress, routine, and lack of novelty can make small habits seem exaggerated.

Yes, men experience the ick, too. Do guys get the ick the same way women do? Not exactly. While women often describe it as a sudden wave of repulsion, men might experience it more gradually, as a slow-growing frustration with certain behaviors.

The key is to ask yourself: Is this a passing feeling, or is it revealing deeper issues? If the ick fades when you’re in a good mood or feeling connected, it’s likely just a phase. But if it keeps growing, making you resent your partner, it may be a sign of emotional disconnect or unmet needs.

Jennifer Schulz highlights that:

Long-term relationships aren’t all about lust and romance, and feeling annoyed by some of your partner’s quirks is normal.

Getting that ‘ick’ feeling doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with the relationship; it could just mean that you’re settling into the normal ups and downs that come with a lasting relationship.

How can you tell if you’ve caught ‘the ick’?

Sometimes, the ick sneaks up on you. One day, you’re happy in your relationship, and the next, something small—like the way they chew or laugh—suddenly makes you cringe. 

But how do you know if it’s just a fleeting feeling or a deeper shift in how you see your partner? Here are some key signs to watch for.

1. You feel physically repulsed

When your partner tries to hold your hand or lean in for a kiss, do you instinctively pull away? If their touch suddenly makes you uncomfortable, it could be a sign that the ick has set in.

Example: You used to love cuddling on the couch, but now, even their warmth feels irritating rather than comforting.

2. Their habits start to irritate you

What once seemed endearing now gets on your nerves. Their jokes, their laugh, or even how they phrase a text might start feeling unbearable.

Example: You used to think it was cute when they sang in the car, but now, their off-key voice makes you grit your teeth.

3. You avoid spending time together

If you find yourself making excuses to not hang out, preferring alone time or friends over your partner, it’s a red flag. This could mean you’re emotionally disconnecting.

Example: You used to love long weekend plans together, but now, you suddenly prefer solo activities or cancel plans last minute.

4. You feel secondhand embarrassment

Do you cringe when they talk to others? If you start feeling embarrassed by their mannerisms, sense of humor, or the way they dress, the ick might be growing.

Example: You once thought their quirky dance moves were adorable, but now, you can’t help but feel uncomfortable watching them.

5. You start questioning the entire relationship

Instead of focusing on the good times, your mind keeps fixating on their flaws. You might even wonder if you ever truly liked them in the first place.

Example: When you think about the future, instead of excitement, you feel doubt or dread.

Not every irritation means you need to break up. Ask yourself:

• Do I feel this way only when I’m stressed or in a bad mood?
• Can I still appreciate their good qualities, even when annoyed?
• Does this feeling come and go, or has it been building up over time?

Can a relationship survive ‘the ick’?

Feeling the ick doesn’t always mean your relationship is doomed. Sometimes, it’s just a phase, a reaction to temporary stress, or even a fear of deeper intimacy. 

But in some cases, the ick is a sign that your attraction and emotional connection are fading for good. So, how do you know whether to work through it or move on?

Situations where ‘the ick’ can be reversed

Not all icks mean the end—sometimes, they’re just passing feelings caused by stress, boredom, or routine. With effort and perspective, attraction can return.

1. When it’s rooted in temporary stress or overwhelm: Sometimes, the ick comes from external factors rather than your actual feelings toward your partner. Stress, anxiety, or even hormonal changes can make you more irritable, making minor habits feel unbearable.

What to do: Take a step back and assess whether other areas of your life are influencing how you feel. Give yourself space and see if your feelings shift when life calms down.

2. When you’ve started taking your partner for granted: Long-term relationships can lose their spark, making even the most charming quirks seem dull or annoying. If the ick appears after years together, it could be a sign of emotional stagnation rather than a true loss of attraction.

What to do: Try injecting excitement back into your relationship. Plan fun dates, surprise each other, and focus on what initially drew you to them.

3. When it’s based on shallow or sudden irritations: If the ick started because of something small—like how they chew, text, or laugh—it’s worth questioning whether these things truly matter in the long run.

What to do: Challenge your thoughts. Remind yourself of their positive qualities and ask if you’d want to lose a great relationship over minor annoyances.

In the video below, relationship & femininity coach Alisa Abdullaeva talks about how to pass the disgust stage in a relationship:

When it’s time to consider moving on

If the ick feels permanent and every interaction makes you cringe, forcing feelings won’t help. Sometimes, walking away is the healthiest choice.

1. When you feel genuine disgust or physical aversion: If your partner’s touch makes you recoil or the idea of intimacy feels unbearable, this is more than a passing phase. Physical repulsion often signals a deep emotional shift that’s hard to reverse.

Sign to move on: If the thought of kissing or being close to them makes you cringe no matter how hard you try to shake it.

2. When you can’t see a future with them anymore: If the ick has made you lose all excitement about your partner, forcing yourself to stay will only create resentment. Relationships require genuine attraction and emotional connection to thrive.

Sign to move on: If you catch yourself fantasizing about being single or with someone else more than being happy with your partner.

3. When you’ve tried everything, and nothing works: If you’ve given it time, worked on your mindset, and tried to reignite the spark but still feel disconnected, the ick might be telling you something important: your heart is no longer in it.

Sign to move on: If no amount of effort makes you feel any warmth, excitement, or affection toward them anymore.

How to get rid of ‘the ick’ in a relationship: 7 practical ways

You used to love everything about them—the way they laughed, the way they talked, even the way they tied their shoes. But now, out of nowhere, every little thing makes you cringe. The way they breathe too loudly, the way they chew, or how they text with too many emojis. What happened? The ick happened.

Before you panic and assume the relationship is doomed, know this: The ick isn’t always a sign that you should break up. Sometimes, it’s just a mental block, a phase, or even an overreaction to small, insignificant details. 

The good news? It can be reversed. Here’s how to work through the ick and reconnect with your partner.

1. Identify what’s really bothering you

Ask yourself: Is it actually them, or is it me? Sometimes, the ick isn’t about your partner at all—it’s about stress, boredom, or deeper personal issues. You might be feeling overwhelmed in life, projecting your frustrations onto them, or simply experiencing a normal dip in attraction.

For example, if their laugh suddenly annoys you, think back—did it always? Or has your mood, stress levels, or personal insecurities changed? Attraction can be influenced by emotions, and sometimes, we hyper-focus on flaws when something else is wrong.

Pro tip: Write down what’s triggering the ick and reflect on whether it’s a real issue or a passing phase.

2. Shift your focus to their best qualities

When you’re feeling the ick, your brain becomes hyper-aware of things you find annoying, making you forget what you loved about them. Try flipping the script. Instead of obsessing over the things that bother you, consciously remind yourself of their best qualities.

Think back to why you were attracted to them in the first place. Was it their kindness? Their humor? The way they supported you when you had a rough day? Those qualities haven’t disappeared—your focus has just shifted.

Pro tip: Every day, write down at least one thing you appreciate about your partner. Over time, this can help reframe your perception of them.

3. Bring back excitement and novelty

A big reason the ick happens in relationships is boredom. When things feel predictable, you might start nitpicking instead of appreciating. The solution? Break the monotony.

Try something completely new together—go on an unexpected trip, take a dance class, or even just switch up your usual date nights. Science shows that experiencing new things together boosts attraction by creating fresh excitement and triggering the release of dopamine (the “feel-good” chemical).

Pro tip: Instead of focusing on what’s annoying you, focus on making new memories that reignite your connection.

4. Take a small break to gain perspective

If you’re constantly feeling the ick, sometimes stepping back for a little space can help. Taking time apart doesn’t mean breaking up—it means giving yourself room to breathe and assess your feelings more clearly.

Maybe you’re spending too much time together and need a reset. Maybe you just need a weekend to yourself to see if you actually miss them or feel relieved. Absence often helps clarify whether the ick is temporary or a sign that the relationship isn’t working.

Pro tip: Use this time to reflect, not avoid. If you come back feeling the same way, it might be time to rethink the relationship.

5. Communicate instead of suppressing it

You might feel guilty about the ick, but pushing it down won’t make it go away. If something about your partner’s behavior is genuinely bothering you, it’s okay to address it—gently. Sometimes, minor habits can be adjusted with simple conversations.

For instance, if you feel turned off by how they talk to waitstaff, instead of silently resenting them, you could say, “Hey, I really appreciate kindness in everyday interactions—it means a lot to me. Can we be mindful of that together?” Small shifts can make a big difference.

Pro tip: Always use “I” statements instead of blaming them. “I feel disconnected” is much better than “You’re annoying me.”

6. Check for external influences

The ick doesn’t always come from within the relationship—sometimes, outside factors play a role. Are you feeling stressed at work? Have your friends been making negative comments about your partner? Have social media’s unrealistic relationship standards made you question your own?

For example, if you’ve been scrolling through TikTok and seeing “perfect couples” who never annoy each other, you might start comparing your partner unfairly. Real relationships are messy, and nobody is flawless.

Pro tip: If you suspect outside influences are making you more critical, take a social media break and focus on your actual relationship instead.

7. Accept that attraction ebbs and flows

Attraction isn’t a straight line—it’s a cycle. There will be moments of deep connection and moments where your feelings waver. That’s normal. Long-term relationships aren’t about being obsessed with each other 24/7; they’re about growing together even when the spark dims temporarily.

Instead of panicking when the ick hits, ask yourself: Is this a momentary dip, or have my feelings changed permanently? If it’s just a phase, patience and effort can bring back the connection.

ProtTip: The best way to keep a relationship strong is to nurture emotional intimacy. Attraction often follows when you feel genuinely connected.

FAQs 

Getting the ick can be confusing and frustrating. Is it just a phase, or is it a dealbreaker? If you’re wondering what to do next, here are answers to two of the most common questions people have about the ick.

• Should you break up if you get ‘the ick’?

Not always. The ick can be a passing phase, often triggered by stress, boredom, or small annoyances. Before ending things, take a step back. Is it a temporary feeling, or do you genuinely feel repulsed? If their presence makes you uncomfortable long-term, it might be time to walk away.

• Can ‘the ick’ ever go away?

Yes, it can. Sometimes, the ick fades when you stop focusing on minor annoyances and remember why you liked them in the first place. Giving yourself space, bringing back excitement, and shifting your perspective can help. However, if the feeling lingers, it may be your gut telling you something’s off.

Conclusion: A passing phase or a wake-up call?

The ick isn’t just about cringing at how your partner chews or texts—it’s a sign worth paying attention to. It might mean your brain is overanalyzing, or it could be a gut instinct nudging you toward change. The key is figuring out whether it’s temporary discomfort or a deeper realization.

Instead of panicking, take a step back. Are you still happy in the relationship? Does the thought of them still bring warmth, or just irritation? Relationships evolve, and sometimes, so do our feelings. If the ick sticks around, don’t ignore it—explore it.

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz mentions:

At the end of the day, a long-term partner will sometimes annoy you, but if the ‘ick’ is so constant that you cannot even stand to be around your partner, it’s probably worth exploring, and it may mean the relationship just isn’t right for you anymore.

Whatever the case, don’t force something that doesn’t feel right. Attraction ebbs and flows, but genuine connection should never feel like a chore. Whether you work through it or walk away, trust yourself. In the end, the ick might just be pointing you toward what you truly want.

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Owen Kessler Author

Owen Kessler is a talented writer with a knack for making complex topics easy to understand. He has a particular interest in psychology and personal growth, and his writing is known for its insightful commentary on these subjects.... Read more When he’s not writing, Owen enjoys spending time camping in the beautiful mountains and forests that surround his home. He also loves to travel and has a deep appreciation for the diversity of cultures he encounters on his journeys. Read less

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