Have you ever wondered what it is that keeps a couple happy and still in love for the long haul? You are not alone, and this question of how to have a happy sexual relationship has been the center of many debates and studies the world over. So it’s no surprise that the suggestions and solutions are many and varied, with each successful couple having their own special ingredient. However, there are some universal principles which can go a very long way to enhancing your sexual relationship. This article will look at seven of these ‘secrets’ which are in fact not so much secretive as they are mostly practical good habits to be cultivated if you want to enjoy the benefit of a happy love life with the love of your life.
1. Dispel the illusions
The first step towards happiness and contentment in your sexual relationship is in fact to be disillusioned, or in other words to get rid of your illusions. One of the biggest illusions which will rob you of a potentially great sex-life is thinking that when you find your perfect soul-mate you will automatically, spontaneously and continually have the greatest sex-life forever. Similarly, it can also be a dangerous illusion to think that when you are having some sexual struggles your relationship is in danger. This is simply not based on reality, and like everything else which is worthwhile in this life, you will need to put some effort into it. With patience, perseverance and hard work you and your partner can experience true, deep and long lasting happiness in your sexual relationship.
2. Be attentive to each other
Paying attention is what it is all about, and as human beings each one of us longs for attention in some way or another. Being seen and heard, acknowledged and appreciated is what everyone wants. Remember how you used to gaze into each other’s eyes, and hang on every word your loved one spoke? Well, if you have stopped doing that somewhere along the way, now is a great time to start again. As you focus on being attentive to each other, really taking the time to notice the little things that are said and done, or not said and not done, you will get to know each other’s needs and triggers. Don’t ignore that tired sigh when your wife is unloading the dishwasher. Go over and help her, and you may just be amazed at how refreshed (and fresh) she may feel after that. Or that painful hunch of your husband’s shoulder may just mean that he needs a good massage and back rub which could even lead to more.
3. Talk about it
At the end of the day, there’s no better way to improve your sexual relationship than by talking about it. This can be difficult for some couples, but once you take the plunge and get over your shyness and embarrassment you will probably find that you start to feel much closer to one another. If you want to understand what your partner enjoys, needs and wants in bed then you will need to talk about it. It’s also important to constantly reevaluate – don’t assume that something which he or she enjoyed two years ago is still the best thing for now. As the seasons of your lives change, so do you, so be open to try new things and see what currently works best for each of you. You might like to have those kinds of conversations at some relaxed time when you are not actually making love, and then when the moment comes all you need to do is mention some or other small adjustments which could enhance the experience for you.
4. Plan, plan, plan
Someone once said that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail – and this can also be true where your love life is concerned. Maybe you are objecting already with thoughts along the lines of ‘sex must be spontaneous otherwise it becomes formal and regimented…’ But think about this for a minute; everyone enjoys going on vacation, but there are very few people who will spontaneously decide to take an aeroplane today and go to your favourite holiday destination. For most of us, the annual vacation is carefully planned and anticipated way in advance. And what about those hobbies that you enjoy doing, like cycling, fishing, reading or going to movies – don’t you think ahead and plan the time when you will do those things? Exactly! So why not apply this vital element of planning to the very enjoyable area of your love-life? If you know when it’s going to happen you can both look forward to it even more and enjoy the anticipation as well as the participation.
5. Take care of your health and appearance
It’s important to look your best, not only so that you can be pleasing to the eye for your spouse, but also for yourself. If you look good you will feel good about yourself. Get enough exercise and keep as healthy as possible. That way you will have the energy and libido to enjoy the mood. So do whatever it takes for you to feel sexy and good about yourself and your spouse will surely notice too, and you can be sure it will enhance your love life.
6. Deal with the difficulties
If you have some physical or sexual difficulties, please don’t ignore them or accept them and think to yourself, ‘well, this is just the way it has to be…’ There is so much help available these days, so don’t hesitate to find what you need to make your sexual experience the best it can possibly be. Whether it is erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness or any other issue, there is a solution which can bring relief and satisfaction to you and your partner, so don’t settle for anything less.
7. Don’t stop trying
Finally, whatever you do, don’t stop trying. If you find your sexual relationship slipping into the proverbial ‘rut’, step back a bit and take stock, and then try again. Remember that lifelong learning will keep you fresh and excited about one another. Enjoy the privilege of constantly learning something new about your beloved and falling in love over and over again with the same person.