Divorce rates are rising exponentially in the United States of America. At present, around 40 to 50 percent of marriages there end in divorce.
The institution of marriage has reached a dangerous brink where only half of the total marriages survive a lifetime, and the rest are pushed down the path of divorce.
There are numerous reasons as to why divorce rates are soaring. One of the critical reasons behind not avoiding divorce is that people don’t put adequate efforts to fix their partially broken marriages.
Divorce is no longer a taboo, and failing marriages no longer face any kind of social pressures or threat of alienation. Though this is a very positive step for society, it has made divorce a very normal phenomenon.
One way to salvage a relationship and save a marriage from divorce: Do you feel you have done everything you could to save this marriage? If not, then you should go to counseling and see.
Many marriages end simply because people didn’t know what they could have done to fix the situation. No one has all the answers. It can be helpful to talk to an outside party who is just trying to help.
With that being said, ideally, people would seek counseling long before considering divorce.
This type of treatment is incredibly hard, and it can be very difficult for couples to work through the kinds of resentment that come with considering divorce.
I would prefer to see people early on to really help them improve the situation.
Before making the decision to divorce, couples are encouraged to think about why they first became committed to each other.
One of the ways to save a marriage from divorce is to recall the feelings that once brought you together.
Imagine the wonderful person whom you originally loved and adored. If you can begin to access the positive emotions and memories that you had for your partner, you will have the opportunity to reevaluate your decision to divorce.
The one tip I strongly recommend for couples on how to save and repair a marriage from divorce is Acceptance via Friendship.
Learning to accept our partner for who they are, to not constantly try to change who they can be the key to saving the relationship. Throughout our lives, we change, we grow, we evolve. This is inevitable.
However, this can be threatening to the status quo of the relationship. We hold on too tightly to our partners, to a certain aspect of our relationship, a power dynamic, and any kind of shift is scary.
If we react, and block our partner from growing, over time this can cripple and handicap our partner and the relationship, ultimately leading to divorce.
By recognizing and seeing our partner as a friend, someone we want the best for, someone who we want to see happy and successful and by recognizing that by giving our partners wings, we will also fly can be the most liberating experience.
8) Re-examine the history you have created together Tweet this
In reality, however, couples do invariably encounter some challenging moments in their ongoing efforts to preserve the intimate pledge.
If and when the dissolution of marriage has to be considered, it can be construed as a symptom of a rupture, causing extreme pain experienced in the relationship.
When faced with these delicate times, it would be important to ponder healing and recovery first and foremost prior to making any major decisions.
So how to stop divorce and save your marriage?
I would encourage any couples facing such a predicament to re-examine the history they’ve co-created, shared, and communed during the course of their journey together.
Marriage is about making history, and each couple has a unique opportunity to do so. When such a process becomes fragmented for whatever reasons, it would be critical for couples to first grieve the loss and heal from it.
In the process, a new door could be open to uncover and reclaim personally significant meaning ascribed to each of their unique accounts.
Whatever the decision thereafter, all couples deserve ample time to recount and celebrate their unique success achieved together in order to derive the most sensible resolution.
When a couple is on the verge of a divorce, it is common to be stuck in a conflict cycle that leads to more negative emotions about your spouse.
One reoccurring cycle that I see often is when one partner is critical, and the other person is defensive. The more critical the one partner is, the more defensive the other person becomes.
The problem with being critical is you are attacking your partner intrinsically. Anytime someone feels that his or her character is being attacked, the automatic response is ‘defense’.
When a partner becomes defensive, it leads to the other partner not feeling heard, which can then result in more critical statements. Now the couple is in a never-ending cycle of negativity that creates more hostility!
Instead, I encourage you to change this cycle. Give the complaint instead or choose to not react with defense. A complaint is focusing on the behavior and how it affected you instead of the person as a whole.
Instead of being defensive, stop, and ask your partner what behavior he or she is having difficulty within the relationship and that their words feel like an attack.
When you do something different, it forces you both to think before you react and when you think you might be able to have a different outcome.
The one piece of advice I would offer on what to do when your spouse wants a divorce would be to commit to connecting in kindness. Often by the time couples get to the office of a marital therapist, they are completely questioning the future of their partnership.
Their interactions are rich with detailed descriptions of how each has hurt the other. Their complaints have a pervasive overtone of criticism and hopeless, angry resignation.
The combination of repeated unresolved conflicts, chronic tension, and overall mistrust has likely eroded the couple’s capacity for positive problem-solving and cooperation.
Shared tasks have become opportunities for conflict and disappointment. Shared decisions have become places of stuck disagreement. They feel emotionally at risk in each other’s company.
Affection, tenderness, compassion, and empathy have vanished, and these once loving couples now treat each other like distant strangers or embittered enemies in a never-ending dance of attack-withdraw, attack-withdraw.
They have few recent memories of shared kind moments and seem to be bracing themselves for constant battle and debate. What positive power is the antidote to such relational toxicity? Kindness.
Kindness is defined as “the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.”
When marital interactions are approached with a commitment to connecting in kindness, the protective but destructive weapons of anger can be set aside and replaced with openness, courage, and mutual caring.
Kindness is healing. Kindness promotes peace, eases bitterness, and calms fears. Commitment to connecting in kindness creates the possibility of re-kindling the sparks of romantic, loving attraction.
Creating a new history of kind interactions enables partners to re-build trust and also stops divorce.
What does it look like to commit to connecting in kindness?
Be helpful and supportive, even if it means going out of your way.
Contribute to solving problems and getting things done.
Express appreciation and gratitude.
Make requests with patience and without demand or criticism.
Be first to offer gestures of peace and repair.
Take responsibility for your mistakes, and make genuine amends.
Do something just because it would make your partner happy.
Listen, remember, and show that you care about what’s important to your partner.
Speak and act with care.
Approach conflict and disagreement with a willingness to appreciate the other’s perspective.
Making a commitment to connecting in kindness may not be enough in all cases to save every marriage, but without making a commitment to connecting in kindness has no real chance of stopping a divorce.
Love may seem effortless and easy in the beginning, but keeping love alive over a lifetime requires a commitment to a consistent quality of friendly, generous consideration.
In one powerful, magical, healing word, kindness, the key to making love last.
Understand the interactive conflict cycle and learn how to break it.
Learn how to successfully deal with your differences and the real issues in your relationship with 100% honesty and respect and
Learn how to develop the “honeymoon habit” in your relationship.
I know that is quite the mouthful. Obviously, each of these skill-based disciplines would take some time to unwrap. But these disciplines are what it takes to develop a highly happy marriage.
Following these tips is definitely going to stop couples from getting a divorce or delaying divorce to save marriage over trivial marital issues and help them resolve their conflicts in a constructive way
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.