How to Save Your Marriage From Divorce: 21 Helpful Tips

If your marriage is steering its way toward divorce, the last thing you want to do is give up without careful consideration.

Chances are that questions like, “Can my marriage be saved?” keep reverberating in your head, and you struggle to find the best way to save it.

Most people in a troubled marriage want to make every effort possible to save the relationship. Once divorce happens, it’s done. You can’t go back. So you want to confidently say, “I did everything I could.”

Well, have you done everything possible yet?

When there is no love lost between you and your spouse, and yet you want to make a fresh start, you may want to look at ways of learning how to save marriage from divorce. This may be the time to seek advice to save your marriage.

By working in the right direction and taking corrective steps, you will be able to make headway in resurrecting your broken relationship with your spouse and learning how to prevent divorce and save marriage. 

Is it possible to save marriage from divorce?

It’s a tough question and one that doesn’t always have a simple answer. Every relationship is unique, and sometimes the road back seems too far… But, if both people are willing to try, there’s often hope.

Maybe you’re feeling lost, unsure if there’s anything left to fight for, or wondering if it’s even worth it. These are all normal feelings. The truth is, saving a marriage from divorce can take time, patience, and a lot of effort—but it’s not impossible.

If there’s still love, respect, or even just a spark of hope, it might be worth seeing where that leads.

5 common signs that your marriage is in trouble

Marriage can be a beautiful journey, but sometimes, it takes unexpected turns that leave both partners feeling lost. Recognizing the signs that your relationship may be in trouble is an important step toward understanding what needs to change.

If you’re sensing a shift in your connection, it might be time to take a closer look at the dynamics between you and your spouse. Here are 5 common signs that your marriage might need some attention.

1. Lack of communication

When communication starts to dwindle, it’s often a clear sign that something is amiss.

Are you and your spouse finding it difficult to talk openly?

Maybe conversations have turned into mundane exchanges, lacking the depth and connection you once shared. This lack of dialogue can create misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distance.

Taking the time to reconnect and express your thoughts can reignite that spark!

2. Growing resentment

Resentment can creep in quietly but can cause significant damage over time.

Have past grievances been swept under the rug instead of addressed?

Unresolved issues can lead to feelings of bitterness, which can erode the foundation of your marriage.

It is important to acknowledge these feelings and work through them together; otherwise, they may become too heavy to carry.

3. Emotional disconnection

Feeling emotionally distant from your partner can be a painful experience.

Do you find yourself drifting apart, with each of you lost in your own world?

This disconnection often leads to loneliness, even when you’re physically together. Prioritizing emotional intimacy is essential; simple gestures, shared experiences, and honest conversations can help rebuild that vital bond.

4. Frequent arguments

While disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, frequent arguments can indicate deeper issues at play.

Are you finding that minor disagreements escalate into bigger fights?

This pattern may signal that underlying problems haven’t been addressed. Instead of letting conflicts spiral out of control, try to identify the root causes of your arguments and approach them with compassion and understanding.

5. Loss of intimacy

Intimacy is a vital component of a healthy marriage, and its absence can be a significant red flag.

Have you noticed a decline in physical affection or closeness?

This loss can stem from emotional issues or simply the busyness of life, but it’s crucial to rekindle that connection. Making time for intimacy—both emotional and physical—can help restore that sense of closeness that may be missing.

How to save marriage from divorce: 21 ways

When a marriage is threatened with divorce, both partners must work hard and commit to saving and rebuilding the relationship. It’s not always easy, but with understanding, patience, and a willingness to work together, couples can often find their way back to a loving and supportive partnership.

Here are 21 ways to potentially save your marriage:

1. Try to relax

It’s probably the last thing you want to do, but it’s crucial right now if you wish to start with how to save your marriage from divorce.

Don’t do anything rash out of anger or fear, like run to an attorney, tell all your friends, or go out on a drinking binge. Just slow down and think a little.

This first tip on how to save your marriage from divorce also includes being patient with yourself and your spouse.

2. Discuss what’s wrong

When divorce is imminent, stopping it requires some effort.

Partners must consistently work on the relationship to get it back to a place where you can consistently improve. To reach that point, spouses must overcome any hostility.

The way to do that is by identifying what is wrong in the marriage. Couples counseling can help spouses have these often tricky discussions in a productive, non-accusatory manner. Remember, when divorce is imminent, having the right attitude to solve issues can help save your marriage.

3. Change what needs to be changed

When the word “divorce” appears in the conversation, it is usually because one or both members of the married couple are unhappy with something. 

The best remedy is to change something you are doing or aren’t doing. Get up and show your spouse you can do what it takes to make your marriage better. 

How to save your marriage from divorce?

Take your spouse on that trip they have always wanted. Fix that garage door that needs fixing. Tips to save a marriage include telling them that you love them daily.

4. Solve one problem at a time

After the problems are identified and both spouses work on expressing their emotions more effectively, they come up with a solution together. The best way to do this is to address one problem at a time.

To stop an imminent divorce successfully, cooperation is key. When divorce is imminent, behaviors must change, and you must devote time to the cause.

Finding a solution to each problem makes fixing the marriage a priority. Be proactive in your efforts. If one person fails to do their part, nothing will be resolved.

5. Focus on the positives in your mate

Perhaps your spouse has done something to jeopardize the marriage, or maybe it’s your general dissatisfaction that has caused things to become rocky in your relationship.

Either way, don’t point fingers. Nothing makes people more defensive than focusing on the negative. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your spouse.

Research highlight: A study investigated the relationship between mindfulness in romantic partnerships and relationship conflict. It found that higher relationship mindfulness can reduce conflict by decreasing negative partner attributions, particularly in women, while also addressing loneliness in their partners. Enhancing mindfulness may, therefore, help mitigate conflict in couples.

Please make a list and keep it close by. When negative thoughts about your marriage creep in, review your list.

6. Work toward forgiveness

One of the best ways to save your marriage from divorce is to allow forgiveness. It is the ultimate form of love and is a vehicle for change. Forgiveness can be challenging, and sometimes it will feel impossible. But start the process. Think about it and ask for help when necessary.

Forgiveness is essential, so why can’t you?

Take that next step. Saving a marriage from divorce requires forgiveness, too.

Forgive wholeheartedly, even if your spouse hasn’t changed yet.

The weight it will take off your shoulders will allow you to move forward positively and may help your spouse change in ways you never thought possible.

7. Get into marriage counseling today

As a solution for how to save marriage from divorce, make counseling a priority.

Find a good marriage counselor and make an appointment as soon as possible. An experienced marriage therapist can help you reach common ground and systematically work through deep-seated issues. 

And, as you continue to go to sessions, you can gauge your progress.

Are things getting a little easier the more you go?

Ensure you put in the effort during the counseling session and follow the therapist’s advice afterward, as this will help you understand how to save a broken marriage from divorce​.

8. Start connecting again

Many times, marriages end in divorce because couples stop talking. They stop connecting.

That leads to them growing apart and then wondering, why are we even married?

If you feel disconnected, it can be hard to take that first step and get back to talking again. So start by remembering why you got married in the first place. 

What did you talk about then?

What have you connected with since then?

Show interest in what is most important to your spouse. Go on dates together. Laugh if you can. It will help lighten up your marriage and help things be fun again.

9. Question yourself

What happened?

When and where did it go wrong?

What was your contribution to the problem?

When did you stop trying?

And why do you still want to save the marriage? 

These are the questions you might hear from a therapist, and they are essential to understanding the problem and the path toward solving it. They will also help you know how to save a marriage from divorce alone.

10. Listen to your spouse

What are they really trying to say to you?

Sometimes, it’s hard to say what we want or need. So, pay attention to what is being said and what isn’t being said.

What does your spouse need from you?

More tenderness?

More support in their pursuits?

Body language sometimes says volumes more than can be spoken. So, as an answer to how to save my marriage from divorce, keep your heart, eyes, and ears open.

11. Connect in the bedroom

How to fix a marriage on the brink of divorce?

Reconnect through intimacy.

Couples on the brink of divorce typically spend little time together in the bedroom. When a husband and wife aren’t feeling close, or one has hurt the other, it can be hard to even want intimacy. But sometimes, that physical bond can also realign emotional bonds. 

Try to look at intimacy in a new way—a way to save your marriage.

Take things slow and talk about what you need right now. Try to connect in new ways.

12. Be vulnerable, speak from the heart

When relationships cool off, we feel vulnerable because we no longer “know” this other person; each of us hides behind our defenses.

But the more vulnerable we feel, the more we back off emotionally – which cools the relationship further.

To know how to save a marriage on the brink of divorce, we must stop attacking as a defensive maneuver and love ourselves enough to be ready to be vulnerable, i.e., be real to one another.

Speaking from the heart can re-open the door and bring down defenses.

13. Remember what brought you together

Before divorcing, couples are encouraged to consider why they became committed to each other. One of the ways to save a marriage from divorce is to recall the feelings that once brought you together.

Imagine the wonderful person whom you initially loved and adored. If you can begin to access the positive emotions and memories that you had for your partner, you will have the opportunity to reevaluate your decision to divorce.

14. Respect your partner’s decisions

If your spouse wants the divorce (more), you should accept this. It won’t help to be in denial. Once you’ve accepted this, it is crucial to understand how they made this decision. 

So, it would be best if you also validated your partner’s emotions and perception of your marriage.

Once you accept that you’re both entitled to your own reactions, you should also take responsibility for your part in the problem. Regardless of the perceived hurt your spouse might have caused you, rest assured that they have a rationale behind their actions.

If you want to save your marriage, you need to fully accept their perspective, no matter how difficult it might be for you.

15. Acceptance via friendship

One of the tips to save your marriage from divorce​ is to learn to accept your partner for who they are and not constantly try to change who they can be the key to saving the relationship. Throughout our lives, we change, we grow, we evolve. This is inevitable.

However, this can threaten the status quo of the relationship. We hold on too tightly to our partners, a particular aspect of our relationship, and a power dynamic, and any shift is scary.

If we react and block our partner from growing over time, this can hinder and handicap our partner and the relationship, ultimately leading to divorce.

We should try to recognize and see our partner as a friend, someone we want the best for, someone we want to see happy and prosperous. Acknowledging that by giving our partners wings, we will also fly can be the most liberating experience.

16. Break the negative conflict cycle

When a couple is on the verge of divorce, it is common for them to be stuck in a conflict cycle that leads to more negative emotions about their spouse.

One recurring cycle is when one partner is critical, and the other is defensive. The more critical one partner is, the more defensive the other person becomes.  

The problem with being critical is you are attacking your partner intrinsically. Anytime someone feels that their character is being attacked, the automatic response is “defense.”

When a partner becomes defensive, the other partner does not feel heard, resulting in more critical statements. Now, the couple is in a never-ending cycle of negativity that creates more hostility!

Instead, change this cycle. Give the complaint instead or choose not to react with defense. A complaint focuses on the behavior and how it affected you instead of the person as a whole.  

Instead of being defensive, stop and ask your partner what behavior they are having difficulty with within the relationship and why their words feel like an attack.

When you do something different, it forces you both to think before you react, and when you think, you might be able to have a different outcome.

17. Self-reflection and accountability

How do I save my marriage from divorce?

Self-reflection and accountability are vital to saving a marriage on the verge of divorce.

Consistent examination and ownership of one’s behavior and its impact on marriage is necessary for a relationship to heal and grow.

An environment without this can lead to finger-pointing, resentment, and even irreparable damage.

18. Remember the good memories

How to save your marriage from divorce?

Re-create an emotional connection with your partner by reflecting on your wedding day.

Revisit your vows, speak to the support you felt from those in attendance, the loving words (and embarrassing parts) of speeches, and all parts in between.  

And don’t leave out memories like when Uncle Bob showed off his dance moves!

19. Space can help

Sometimes, all that is needed for things to improve is for people to give each other space and time to think things through. 

Even though distance may scare you, it could be misinterpreted as giving up on the relationship and your partner. However, space can sometimes help save a bad situation from getting worse. 

20. Revive the romance

Reviving the romance in your marriage can be a powerful way to save it. Rekindling passion and emotional connection can help overcome relationship challenges. 

Plan date nights, surprise each other with gestures of love, express affection and appreciation, and prioritize intimate moments, as these are some of the best ways to save your marriage from divorce. 

Nurturing the romantic aspect of your marriage can reignite the spark and strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

Watch this video, in which Dr. Gottman shares the science behind happy relationships and highlights the key tools and techniques that have helped countless couples worldwide build a strong “sound relationship house:”

21. Show empathy and understanding

One crucial way to save your marriage from divorce is by practicing empathy. Take a moment to understand your partner’s perspective, even if it differs from yours. Empathy allows you to see beyond the conflict and into the emotions driving their actions.

Showing understanding can soften tensions and create a more supportive environment for natural healing. When both partners feel heard and valued, rebuilding trust and working through challenges becomes easier.

How long should you try to save your marriage?

Saving marriages that are withering because of the lack of nurturing, love, and commitment is an uphill task, and there is no definite answer or a quick fix to save a marriage from divorce.

It takes patience and a continuous openness to evolve with your partner. Sometimes, it may take a few months to feel more positive about your marriage, but sometimes, it can take a year or two. So, don’t give up hope just yet. 

A definite timeline is not something you can rely on; you must rely on having the right attitude.

Turning the tide undoubtedly takes a lot of effort. But it is not impossible. You can find ways of saving a marriage from divorce if you genuinely wish to do so.

If you show a willingness to change and a determined stance, there are some practical ways that can save a marriage from divorce. 

However, there are moments when it may be healthier to walk away. If you’ve exhausted all options, and the relationship is causing more harm than good—whether emotionally, mentally, or physically—then letting go may be the best step for both partners.

Recognizing when continuing the effort might no longer lead to a positive outcome is important.

It takes time, effort, and patience

Saving a marriage from divorce isn’t something that happens overnight. It takes time, effort, and a lot of patience from both partners to rebuild trust, love, and connection. There will be ups and downs; some days may feel hopeful, while others can be challenging… but that’s normal!

The key is staying committed to the process and each other. Be willing to communicate, forgive, and grow together. Even small changes can make a difference over time.

Remember, it’s not about perfection—it’s about progress. With consistent effort, many couples can rediscover what brought them together in the first place.