10 Psychological Effects of Yelling in Relationship

Arguments are bound to happen in long-term relationships. If you are married, odds are you and your partner will have the occasional heated disagreement. But, there are psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship, so how you conduct yourself when you’re frustrated matters.

Have you ever divulged a recent fight with your spouse to your friends, only to be left feeling embarrassed? “Are we normal?” you might ask. “Is this toxic behavior that I somehow missed?”

The effects of a wife yelling at a spouse (or a husband) can signify an unhealthy relationship. Keep reading to discover the effects of yelling at your spouse and learn how to stop yelling in a relationship.

Is yelling and screaming normal in a relationship?

Yelling in relationships is not abnormal. Married partners are bound to become frustrated at one point or another, and, occasionally, they may raise their voices.

People yelling at each other is often the result of a poor communication choice. Feeling overwhelmed and angry, the argument escalates, and their voice quickly follows.

It may seem harmless, especially when followed by an apology, but the truth is that there are destructive psychological effects of being yelled at by a spouse.

Related Reading: 5 Valuable Tips on Managing Anger in Relationships

Why does yelling destroy relationships?

People yelling at each other is not a new thing in relationships. Sometimes you get heated. This is a natural reaction to frustration.

Getting angry doesn’t make you a bad person, but how you manage your anger can impact the person you love.

The effects of a husband yelling at a wife (or a wife yelling at a husband) are:

• It leaves both you and your partner feeling awful
• It closes off communication
• Love becomes distorted
• You infantilize your spouse
• You are more likely to say things you don’t mean when you let anger control you.

The effects of yelling at your spouse may not appear right away, but over time your relationship will begin to deteriorate. Keep reading for 10 psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship.

10 psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship

How does your mind react to your partner repeatedly yelling at you in relationships? It could result in mental health issues and might also prove detrimental to your relationship. 

1. Depression might develop

One of the most common psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship is the possibility of becoming depressed.

The more you experience yelling and screaming in relationships, the more helpless you feel. You want to fix what’s happening between you and your spouse, but nothing seems to work.

This helplessness can lead to persistent feelings of sadness and loss of interest in everyday life. Depression and lead to feelings of worthlessness, thoughts of self-harm, and poor concentration.

Related Reading: How to Deal With Depression in a Relationship

2. Mental health takes a dive

Studies show that for women primarily, verbal abuse is associated with poorer mental health. Because of this, one of the effects of a husband yelling at his wife is mental health issues such as anxiety disorders, eating disorders, and poor social well-being.

3. You become afraid

Another one of the harmful psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship is that it causes you to be afraid of your spouse.

When people yelling at each other becomes a pattern in a relationship, it disintegrates the safety and trust they once felt for each other.

The once warm, loving parade of butterflies you used to feel around your spouse has soured, and now you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells around them.

You should never be afraid of your partner. When fear takes over, trust and respect go out the window. Without respect and trust, a relationship cannot be healthy.

4. Communication is fractured

People yelling at each other as a means of problem-solving comes down to poor communication.

Sometimes people feel they must speak the loudest to get their point across. The truth is, yelling doesn’t allow a partner to understand you better. It just forces them into submission out of fear.

This is never how you want the person you love to feel. The person you love should be able to come to you with any problem they’re having and feel safe and validated.

If you want to stop yelling in a relationship, start by learning how to communicate.

Great communication means:

• Speaking politely but honestly about the subject at hand
• Choosing the right time to approach your partner with an issue (IE: not when they’ve just walked through the door after a long day at work)
• Speaking primary problem as partners, not yelling to get your way
• Removing yourself from the situation if you become overly frustrated or angry
• Listening to your spouse without interrupting
• Coming to a compromise about the issue at hand.

5. Love disappears

Research shows that yelling heightens anxiety, leading to exaggerated estimates of the probability of threat. Simply put: the more anxious you are, the more likely you perceive your partner as a threat to you.

Once your brain starts associating your partner with being a dangerous person, your love will start to twist into something awful.

Yelling and screaming in relationships take away the innocence of your love and ruin emotional intimacy. This is yet another one of the psychological effects of being yelled at by a spouse.

6. Yelling triggers the stress hormone

Another one of the psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship is that it increases stress.

No one wants to come home to people yelling at each other. When we are shouted at, it hurts our feelings and puts us on edge.

The stress-related psychological effects of being yelled at by a spouse include, but are not limited to, changes in brain function, headaches, heart issues, and high blood pressure.

7. A cycle of verbal abuse starts

Is yelling in a relationship abuse? The simple answer is yes.

Verbal abuse is someone who:

• Calls you names
• Yells/screams at you
• Makes verbal threats against you
• People yelling at each other.

One study reveals that the most common perceived reasons for verbal abuse were:

• “They are frustrated”
• “They are drunk/high”
• “They are anxious/stressed out”
• “They can’t see me” (such as when being yelled at over the phone or receiving verbal assaults through text messages/video messages).

When we love someone, our first instinct is to protect them, even when they are doing something wrong.

If you feel inclined to defend your partner’s behavior, just remember that the psychological effects of being yelled at by a spouse are much worse long-term than the temporary embarrassment/protectiveness you feel when others find out how your partner speaks to you.

The longer there is yelling and screaming in relationships, the more likely partners are to accept verbal abuse as a normal part of their love life.

Related Reading: The Importance of Communication in Relationships

8. You start to believe that you don’t matter

Another one of the psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship is that you start to believe your feelings, thoughts, and boundaries don’t matter to your partner.

Studies show that verbal abuse breaks down self-esteem and harms mental health and social interactions. This is because verbal abuse is designed to inflict humiliation and denigration.

The effects of a wife yelling at a spouse (or a husband) lead them to believe their feelings are no longer important.

9. Anxiety rears its head

One of the psychological effects of being yelled at by a spouse is anxiety.

Anxiety from the effects of a wife yelling at her spouse or a husband yelling and screaming at his partner in relationships can lead to:

• Increased heart rate
• Panic attack
• Trouble concentrating
• Hyperventilation
• A sense of doom or panic.

When overcome with anxiety, you cannot think clearly. This makes you vulnerable in your relationship and can be damaging to your psyche.

10. You can end up with post-traumatic stress disorder

One of the last psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship is developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Sufferers of PTSD experience both physical and emotional reactions to their triggers.

They may experience insomnia, angry outbursts, always feel the need to be on guard and are easily startled, and display self-destructive behavior.

The effects of yelling at a spouse are numerous. Do not push yourself (or your partner) so far that PTSD enters your life.

How to stop yelling in a relationship?

People yelling at each other don’t have to cause trauma. Love can be shown, even when raising your voice, so long as you remain positive and respectful.

When the psychological effects of being yelled at by a spouse are caused by hurtful criticism, contempt, and disrespectful comments, your relationship has turned problematic.

• Start by acknowledging that your or your partner’s behavior is unacceptable and cannot be tolerated any longer.
• Identify why you get so angry and feel the need to verbally pounce on your spouse
• Approach a problem as a team, consistently work on communication skills
• Acknowledge that your anger gets the best of you sometimes, and offer to take breaks from your discussion so you can calm down
• Go to couples therapy or personal therapy to root out hurtful behaviors and improve communication.

The effects of yelling at your spouse can be damaging, but they don’t have to ruin your marriage. You can turn things around by learning how to stop yelling in a relationship.

In this Ted Talk. Juna Mustad talks about how anger is actually your alley, and what it means when you feel angry.

Healthy communication is the key

The psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship are numerous.

Couples yelling at each other can lead to depression, fear, stress, anxiety, broken communication, and PTSD.

Yelling and screaming in relationships isn’t unheard of. People get frustrated from time to time. But, instead of living in the moment of frustration, learn how to stop yelling in a relationship.

Don’t engage with a yelling spouse. Instead, take time to be alone and cool off. If these methods don’t work, seek marriage counseling.