So what is polyamory, and who actually practices it?
TheJournal of Sex Research published a demographic comparison of polyamorous and monogamous couples and found that those who practice polyamory were more likely to identify as pansexual or bisexual.
The study reported that those in polyamorous relationships weren’t exactly thrilled about being labeled sexually or politically.
Another interesting fact brought out in the study was that those pursuing a polyamorous relationship were more likely to be divorced. Whether this was in pursuit of types of relationships or for some other reason is yet to be determined.
The Journal’s research reveals that couples in polyamory relationships earn less than monogamous couples do. Polyamorous people were more likely to earn less than $20,000 per year, whereas monogamous relationships were pulling in six figures.
Beyond these interesting factoids, there were no significant differences between monogamous and polyamorous couples regarding ethnicity, education, and political affiliations.
One reason why polyamory is bad is that it could ignite some pretty intense feelings of jealousy and insecurities.
What is polyamory getting a bad rap for?
Many people are still trying to figure out ‘what is polyamorous love?’ and may view the whole dynamic as strange.
This way of life can also lead to a host of judgments and confusion from friends, family, and even associates. Research published by the Frontiers in Psychology Journal (mentioned earlier) indicated that only1 in 7 survey participants respected people who engage in polyamory.
Polyamory is an unwise course if you value one on one, monogamous relationships. If you feel the way the above participants do, then you should not engage in polyamorous dating.
Another reason why polyamory is bad is that it can sometimes make you see someone else as disposable, especially if they are not your primary person. This can spark selfish behavior that brings out the worst in you.
What is polyamory bad for? Playing fair.
The very nature of polyamorous dating more than one person means that your relationships are likely to be uneven and unfair. You will naturally prefer one partner over the other, making a secondary feel used and insecure.
Polyamory is bad for those who need a lot of attention from their partner, as their spouse’s attention will be split between other people. This could leave you feeling lonely. You may even feel like a third wheel in your relationship.
It would be wise to ask your partner about polyamory vs. open relationship status. Which do they want? Are they up for the occasional romp in the sand with someone else, no strings attached, or are they looking for multiple serious relationships?
Looking up different types of polyamory may help you get a clearer view of what your partner is after.
Avoid relationship troubles by communicating your needsand being continuously open about how you’re feeling regarding your current relationship status.
Even if you have had the same conversation a hundred times already, when it comes to being in a polyamorous relationship, there is no such thing as ‘too much communication.’
If you wish to understand more about modern polyamory, watch this video.
Dos and don’ts of polyamory sex and relationships
When it comes to non-monogamous polyamory sex and relationships, there are certain dos and don’ts which will help you maneuver the situation in a smoother fashion.
Dos of polyamory sex and relationships
Here are some Dos of polyamory sex and relationships you should consider abiding by.
Do look up the difference between polyamory vs. open relationships
Do understand that as the secondary partner, you likely won’t receive the same priority as your partner’s primary
Do find polyamorous partners who are respectful of your desires and boundaries
Do have a thorough discussion about polyamory sex and how you will protect yourselves against STIs
Do be open and honest with all partner’s involved about what kind of relationship you’re looking to pursue.
Don’ts of polyamory sex and relationships
When getting into polyamory sex and relationships, there are certains don’ts that can help you make the process easier for you and your partners.
Don’t use polyamory to solve your relationship problems. Adding other people in the mix when there are problems in your primary relationship is just a slow road to breaking up
Don’t let problems fester. This arrangement only works if both primary partners are open and honest about their needs
Don’t forgo educating yourself on the history of polyamory / what is polyamorous love before delving into a polyamorous relationship
Don’t forget your limitations. If this situation is no longer working for you, don’t hesitate to call it off.
Don’t keep track of how many partners you have vs. your spouse
Don’t coerce someone into being in a non-monogamous relationship if they don’t want to.
Frequently asked questions about polyamorous dating
According to a2018 article published in Rolling Stone, it is estimated that nearly 5 percent of US residents are in either open or polyamorous relationships.
While polyamory has gained popularity in research and media in the last ten years, people still have questions.
What is polyamorous dating like?
What are the different types of polyamorous relationships?
Is polyamory sex safe?
Here are some common questions you may have wondered about:
Is polyamory healthy for couples?
Is polyamory healthy for couples? It depends on the couple. There are many situations in which bringing a third, fourth, or fifth person into your relationship would be an absolute nightmare.
Is polyamory a choice? Absolutely! You should never let someone pressure you into being in any form of an open relationship if you are not 110 percent comfortable with it.
That’s not to say that people haven’t learned how to bring up polyamory as an excuse to sleep with other people, but genuine believers in this lifestyle can easily love and commit to their partners.
Do polyamorous relationships not have true intimacy?
This is not accurate. In fact, those who are part of a polyamory relationship might argue that they have more intimacy in their love lives than the average person.
Do polyamory couples play favorites?
Studies seem to suggest they have a clear preference when it comes to primary and secondary partners.
Afterpolling 1,308 polyamorous individuals, the PLoS One Journal found that most participants said they felt more satisfaction, commitment, investment, and greater communication with their primary relationship than the secondary partner.
However, sexual activity with the secondary partner was often viewed as more exciting than with the primary partner.
Is polyamory sex just cheating?
What is polyamory when it comes to sex? Is polyamory sex just an excuse to cheat on your partner?
This is what many people think when they try to explain why polyamory is bad.
The answer to “is polyamory healthy?” lies entirely in your outlook. Perhaps you are not comfortable pursuing multiple relationships at a time, but these concerns have already been discussed for those who are part of a polyamory couple.
Polyamory sex is about more than just physical intimacy. It’s about pursuing many loving emotional, and physical relationships simultaneously.
How do polyamorous people protect themselves from STDs?
Naturally, when you choose to sleep with multiple people, you open yourself up for an increased risk of sexually transmitted infections and diseases.
This is not exactly appealing for anyone involved.
What is polyamorous safe sex? Is there such a thing?
To protect yourself from harmful polyamory sex, here are some tips:
Be open with your partners about who you are sleeping with and ask them to show you the same respect
Use a barrier method, such as a condom, with every sexual encounter. Be sure you are using the condom correctly (that is worn correctly and applied at the VERY START of your sexual encounter – not halfway through!)
Get tested regularly and inform your partners of any change in your sexual health
Be open and honest with your doctor or healthcare provider about your lifestyle
Use another birth control alongside condoms to prevent unwanted pregnancies
If you are not comfortable or responsible enough to follow through with the tips listed above, you should reconsider a polyamorous relationship.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.