The no-contact rule after a relationship states that two exes should have zero contact with each other after a breakup so that both can cope with the reality of the separation. This means no texts, no phone calls, no interaction on social media, and no in-person contact.
Men and women tend to handle no-contact after a breakup differently, and they may have different expectations, depending upon how things ended. Here, learn about the no-contact rule female psychology, as well as how you can make the most of it.
How does the no contact rule affect a woman?
Female psychology after a breakup states that a woman wants a man to pursue her, especially if the two of you were unsure of whether to end things or take a break.
She will have grief during the beginning of the no-contact period, but she will be desperate for you to chase after her. She will constantly hope for a call or a text message.
You may be wondering, “Will she miss me during no contact?” and the answer is that she probably will during the early stages. She may be confused, as she will think that the breakup was needed on the one hand, but on the other hand, she will wonder if it was the right thing.
Going ‘no-contact’ with someone you spent a lot of time with and planned a future with can be painful. A woman experiencing the stages of no contact is likely to feel angry, sad, and lonely.
While a woman is likely to feel sadness in the early stages of no contact, she will quickly get over her ex as time goes on. This brings us to another common question people have about the no-contact rule female psychology: “Does no contact work on women?”
The answer to this question is a resounding yes. If you want to end a relationship and convince your ex to move on, going no contact is sure to work. Your ex-girlfriend will quickly forget about the relationship after she gets over her initial sadness and anger, your ex-girlfriend will quickly forget about the relationship.
No contact can also be helpful if she needs some time away from you to get over the pain you have caused her. In this case, the time apart may give her the peace of mind she needs to resolve things and get back together with you.
The female mind during the no contact rule
It is helpful to understand what happens during no contact in the female mind. As no contact begins, the chances are that your ex is feeling quite upset.
Female psychology after a breakup has shown that women tend to have a more intense emotional response after a breakup when compared to men.
She is likely to experience significant grief during this time of no contact. She will also have countless thoughts wandering through her mind. She will wonder if you’re thinking about her, or if you’re taking time to reflect upon your role in the breakup.
She will also wonder if you ever really loved her or are missing her. During this time, she’ll have a deep sense of confusion as she tries to decide whether breaking up was right.
She’ll also reminisce about the good times in the relationship, and she’s likely to miss you when she is reminded of the time you spent together.
What does she think about during no contact?
So, what is she thinking during no contact? To understand what she’s thinking, you must know about the stages of no contact for a woman.
Right after the breakup, she’s probably thinking about why you aren’t contacting her. She might think you’re avoiding contact to act mad or keep the “upper hand.” After a certain point, she will begin to worry about why you have chosen to maintain no contact.
She will also think about whether the breakup was the right choice. If she is the one who initiated the breakup, she is probably feeling incredibly angry and rehashing everything you did wrong.
She cannot get past her feelings of resentment for you because she is so hurt, and her pain is so strong.
On the other hand, if you initiated the breakup, during the beginning no contact stages, she will feel intense grief. She will blame herself for the breakup and wonder what was wrong with her.
She will engage in deep self-reflection and think about what she could have done differently.
As time goes on, her emotions will become less intense, and she will be able to view the situation more objectively.
If the two of you maintain no contact, she will spend less time thinking about you and more time thinking about herself and her hopes and dreams.
As the focus shifts away from you, she will think about moving on with life. She will connect with friends and loved ones and begin focusing on becoming the best version of herself.
She may occasionally have thoughts of missing you or wondering what could have been, but once she gets past her initial pain and begins to move on, she will realize that she can be happy without you.
This is what is so significant about no-contact rule female psychology: women feel an initial stage of grief and then move on. Men, in contrast, begin the period of moving on just after the breakup.
They may immediately hook upwith other people or push all their thoughts of their ex aside, only to have the grief hit them like a brick wall a few weeks down the road.
16 things you must know about the no-contact rule female psychology
If you’re going through a breakup and you’ve cut off contact with your ex, you probably have numerous questions running through your head, such as “Does she miss me during no contact?” and, “Is she thinking about me during no contact?”
You may also be anxious, wondering if you will ever get back together, or if this is the end.
The 16 truths about the no-contact rule female psychology can provide some answers to your questions.
As she goes through the stages of no contact, a woman is likely to have strong emotions. If things ended badly or you hurt her deeply, her emotions probably cause her to form a strong negative opinion toward you.
2. She will hold a grudge
Women experience intense emotional pain after a break-up. Even if she misses you, she will have a hard time letting go of her feelings of sadness. If you wronged her, she would probably be angry with you for quite some time.
3. She does miss you
When you spend time with someone in the context of a committed relationship, you will miss them after cutting off contact. After all, when you implement the no contact rule, you go from talking to your significant other daily to breaking up and having no communication.
Of course, she will miss you, but if she is angry at you and processing her pain, this will likely override her feelings of missing you.
4. She doesn’t forget anything
Women tend to have strong emotional memories, which means they aren’t going to forget things that happened during the relationship. This has both advantages and disadvantages.
During the stages of no contact, your ex will remember both positives and negatives of the relationship. If there were more positives than negatives, this may help her forgive you and reconcile the relationship, which is to your advantage if you want to get back together.
On the other hand, if the relationship was full of hurt and pain, she will remember the negative emotions associated with the relationship and have a hard time forgiving you.
5. She may go through withdrawal
There is some evidence that romantic relationships affect the brain similarly to drug addiction. This means that when a relationship ends, the brain goes through withdrawal. No contact allows her to move through the withdrawal phase instead of remaining addicted.
If you maintain no contact, this allows her to “come off of the drug” that was your relationship. On the other hand, maintaining contact, whether it’s through a random text message or accidentally bumping into each other, causes her to feel “high” again and makes it more difficult for her to move on.
See this video to learn more about how breakup is similar to drug withdrawal:
6. If done correctly, it could help her stop resenting you
We’ve established that women experience emotional memories quite intensely, which means she could hold onto negative things that you’ve done because she is in so much pain. While this is the case, having space from you could help these negative memories to fade away over time.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that the two of you will get back together, nor does it mean that she has forgotten, but when she has time away from you, she is removed from the intense pain you have caused, which may allow her to heal so that feelings of love can come back to the surface.
7. She isn’t going to wallow forever
If you’re the one who is uncertain about what you want, keep in mind that one of the effects of no contact on women is that it can allow them to move on from the relationship. Don’t expect her to wait around for you forever to make up your mind.
Women are resilient, and if you allow no contact to persist for much longer than a few weeks, she will recognize that she needs to move on, and she’ll turn her attention toward becoming the best version of herself without you.
8. Begging and pleading won’t work
If she’s initiated no contact, begging and pleading with her to reconsider or take you back likely won’t work. At this point, she’s probably given you so many chances to change your behavior, and she’s ready to put her foot down.
The best thing you can do if you want any chance at reconciliation is respecting her wishes and give her some space. She isn’t likely to reach out to you because she wants you to char, so you might consider asking her if she’s willing to talk again after giving her some time.
9. She will probably second-guess herself
Even if she wanted the breakup, she will probably second-guess herself. She may use the stages of no contact as an opportunity to engage in self-reflection.
During this time, she could realize that there were some things she could have done differently. She may feel guilty, and at this time, she might just make a subtle effort to contact you. It may be as simple as “liking” a photo on your Instagram or asking a friend about you.
10. She’ll work hard to convince herself she made the right choice
A woman might second guess herself, but she’ll probably cope with these feelings by convincing herself she did the right thing. She may tell friends and family that she made the right choice, and she’ll try to work toward moving on, even if she is feeling some uncertainty inside.
Despite her efforts to move on, she will probably still feel torn. She will swing between feeling good about her decision to initiate no contact and feeling sad over giving up the relationship because she isn’t sure she can live without you.
The no contact key with women is that they eventually come to a state of acceptance, even if they didn’t want the breakup. This means that you better be sure this is what you want if you choose to continue no-contact forever.
You cannot expect to go on and live your life only to decide a year down the road that you want to be with her after all. It’s probably too late, and she’ll likely be flourishing without you.
If no contact wasn’t what you wanted, you might be searching for a magic solution to get her back. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can say or do.
The best thing you can hope for is that by giving her space and time, she will eventually move to a place where she can forgive your mistakes.
13. Remember, it’s a healing process before anything else
Regardless of whether the two of you get back together, no contact rule in female psychology says that the primary purpose of this stage is to heal. This could mean healing from pain so that the two of you can reconcile or healing to the point where you can move on from the relationship and find happiness without each other.
This means that the best thing you can do is work on yourself. Try to set new goals, explore your hobbies and interests, care for yourself, and work on some of your shortcomings. Whether you get back together or not, you will emerge better off after this healing process.
14. No contact means no contact
If you want no-contact to be successful, whether that means helping you to permanently move on or giving you time to work on yourselves so you can eventually reconcile, you must commit to absolutely no contact.
This means that even when you are tempted to send a text message, browse her social media, or show up at a place she frequently goes to, you must refrain. Even if it’s just for a week or two, no contact must truly mean absolutely no contact if you want it to be effective.
15. Pursuing her isn’t the answer
While she may want you to be the one to reach out after no contact, continuing to pursue her when she’s asked for space actively isn’t the answer. If she has stated that she wants a break or wants to go through a no-contact period, you need to abide by this.
You may be tempted to chase her even harder when she requests no contact, but this will have the opposite effect, as it will push her further away.
If you do choose to reach out down the road (which may be just what she wants), you must wait until after going through at least a brief no-contact period.
While a woman is likely to feel some uncertainty over a breakup, if she has decided she is 100% done and has made this clear, she means it. There are some instances in which no contact is short-lived, but if she tells you she never wants to hear from you again, you can be pretty sure she is done.
When you’ve hurt a woman badly enough that she decides to move on once and for all, this isn’t a decision she’s made lightly. She has probably given too many second chances, and she’s decided she deserves better.
A strong woman who has decided to move on permanently won’t likely change her mind.
If you reach this level of no contact rule female psychology, you’ll know it because she won’t sugar coat anything: she is done!
Will my ex forget my mistakes during no contact?
Women experience intense emotions when hurt, and they may take longer than men to move on when they have been wronged. Your ex likely won’t forget your mistakes during no-contact, but the time apart could give her time to move toward forgiving you, which means that reconciliation is possible.
For example, if you made mistakes, but there were many good aspects of your relationship, she may have been uncertain about whether she should break up with you.
In this case, she is more likely to feel confused about the breakup, meaning she could be convinced to reconsider and get back together. Research has shown that couples who are ambivalent about the choice to break up are more likely to reconcile.
If she was unsure of whether to forgive your mistakes, no-contact may give her the space to process her emotions and realize that forgiving you and reconciling is the best choice.
This doesn’t suggest that she will forget your mistakes, and if you want the relationship to last this time, you’ll have to show that you’ve changed.
How to properly use the No-Contact Rule on women?
Determining how to properly use the no contact rule on women depends upon your goals. If you’ve initiated the breakup and would like her to be able to heal and move on with life, you should maintain no contact.
Do not reach out to offer friendship or suggest that the two of you talk; this will only make things more confusing and more painful for her.
On the other hand, if the goal of ‘no-contact’ was to give the two of you a break to process your emotions and figure out how to reconcile, you can use the no contact rule to your advantage, by giving her time to cool down, and then reaching out to apologize after she’s had some space to process her feelings.
Similarly, if she initiated the breakup, but you feel deeply that you can make things work, you will have to do the chasing and convince her to give you a second chance.
Remember, many women want to be pursued, even if she initiated the breakup. If she put no-contact into place because she was angry or hurt by something you did, give her a few weeks, and then reach out.
Offer to meet up and talk, and offer an apology. If you contact her to tell her how much you missed her and to reignite the relationship, her anger and pain may begin to fade.
Breakups are challenging, and one way to manage them is through the no-contact rule. No-contact rule female psychology says that cutting off all contact after a breakup is the best decision.
This allows both of you to clear your heads, and either move on from the relationship or decide to work things out and come back together.
If no-contact lasts and you don’t chase after her, a woman is likely to move on from the relationship. She’ll be able to focus her attention on herself, as she will come to learn that she can be happy without you.
On the other hand, the no contact rule for women isn’t always permanent. If there was more good than bad in your relationship, she may not want the breakup to be permanent.
Unfortunately, what happens during no contact may not always be to your advantage. Maybe you desperately want to get back together, but she just doesn’t see a future with you. In this case, you may have to move on, even if it’s deeply painful.
If you’re having a difficult time managing the grief that occurs after a breakup, you may benefit from seeking therapy. A therapist can help you to process your emotions and develop coping strategies so the sadness is not as all-consuming.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.
Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise.