If you have been looking for information on relationships after breakups and getting back with the ex after you broke up, then obviously you might have heard the term “No contact rule.” Wondering what that is? Well, it is simple. You don’t make any contact with your ex at least for a month. If you are thinking it is easy then let me tell you, it is not as simple as it looks. In fact, no contact rule is one of the toughest things you will ever have to do while you are in breakup mode and that too if you were in a relationship with your ex for quite a long time. Wondering why you need to put yourself through such tough things, especially when you are aware of how hard it is? Because it is really fruitful if you follow the no contact rule in the right way.
Don’t panic. You will soon find out how, why, and when in this article. We will talk about all your queries and help you to figure out if implementing the no contact rule is right for you or not.
First things first. What is this no contact rule?
As the name suggests, the no contact rule is all about not being in contact with your ex after your breakup. Let’s suppose that you are attached to your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend and the only way that can truly stop you from getting more addicted is to stop thinking of him/her cold turkey. This is what you will be doing in this rule. In most of the cases, the people who are addicted to their ex-girlfriends or boyfriends indeed need a strategy like cold turkey to get rid of their addiction. No contact rule exactly means:
- No instant messages
- No calls
- No running into them
- No Facebook messages or any kind of social media platform
- No going to their place or even their friends
It also includes no putting up status messages on WhatsApp and Facebook which are obviously meant for them. You might say that nobody knows but your ex is enough. Even a small status message can ruin your whole no contact rule.
But, does no contact work to get ex-girlfriend back or ex-boyfriend? To get an answer to this question, it is important to first understand why no contact works?
What’s the reason behind the no contact rule?
As I said earlier, you will have to learn to live without your ex. And to do that, the no contact rule is a perfect way. But you might question why you should learn to live without them when the whole plan is to get back with them. Well, it is because the less needy and desperate you become, the sooner you may get back with your ex. If you keep on talking about them, your ex may think that you are emotionally stressed and desperate to get back. And all this definitely makes you look unattractive to your ex. Your ex won’t like to be with a desperate person and that is why you need some time off without them.
What things to keep at bay during this no contact rule?
What to do after no contact with ex-girlfriend or boyfriend?
You will certainly need to be cautious during this period of no contact rule. Consider this as a warning sign since it is very simple to fall into this pothole and just spend the whole no contact thing without making any progress neither in your relationship nor in your life.
No contact during separation means simply ‘NO CONTACT’ with your partner.
Spying on your ex
It is very common for people who just broke up with their ex to spy on their exes 24/7. Right from where they are going and who they are meeting to what they had for supper, people want to know every little thing about their ex. But let me tell you, this is a very bad attitude. Things, like checking their Facebook statuses and keeping in touch with their friends to know where they are, will only make you more obsessed and addicted to them. If you ever find yourself in such situations, then you really need to take a step back.
Give them some time and let them realize what they are missing out on in their life by not having you in their life. This is the main objective of no contact rule. If you stay at bay from your ex then they may realize how much they miss you and ultimately may want to come back.
You might be wondering what is he thinking during no contact? Or whether your girlfriend is really thinking about you or not?
This is one thing you need to understand and that is during this no contact period, not only you, but your ex will also miss you. Terribly missing you can lead them to call you or finally get back to you. But all this is possible only when you stop spying on them.
Indulging yourself in any kind of drugs
During this period, people will easily get attracted to drugs, alcohol, etc. But what you need to realize is that they will not bring back your ex and they don’t heal anything. In fact, it will make you look vulnerable. It is like putting a band-aid over a broken hand. Do not make any drug control you.
The essence of no contact rule is to use it as a detox program so that it can clear any grey areas in your relationship with your ex. Initially, it will be difficult to stay away from your ex but in the end, it will give increase your chances of getting back with your ex. The minute you think of stopping contact with your ex, you will get an uncontrollable feeling to call them instantly. That is quite common. But what you need to remember is that that feeling is coming out of your desperation and not because you love them. So you have to stay strong during this no contact period and let your ex know that you are not emotionally weak. And this is how you can try no contact rule to get ex back into your life.
Does no contact work during and after a marriage separation?
The no contact rule in marriage often helps couples mend their failing marriage. This has proved to be quite an efficient method of getting back with ex-wife or ex-husband easily. But, the no contact rule during marriage separation or the no contact rule during divorce or after the separation is entirely different. Here, the couple tries to heal themselves, remove the ex from their lives, and move on in their separate ways after the divorce. This is helpful when the marriage ended in a lot of conflict and remorse, the memory of which is equally painful and distasteful to remember. No contact with husband or wife after a divorce does not mean you are trying to get them back into your life. Instead, you are trying to rid your life off the person who caused pain and filled your life with bitterness.
But, if you have a child from the marriage, then the no contact rule after divorce can cause complications. You might wonder what will happen if ‘we follow no contact rule, but we have a child?’ Well! The answer, irrespective of how illogical it might sound, it is possible to follow the no contact rule and have shared child custody at the same time.
When not to use the no contact rule?
You have to understand the No Contact Rule brings out completely different results depending on whom it is applied – boyfriend/husband or girlfriend/wife. Quite often, no contact has proved to be an ineffective strategy when tried on women.
Self-dependent women who had plenty of experience with break-ups, and possess too much self-pride are highly unlikely to get affected by the no contact rule followed by their boyfriends/husbands. Men obviously, will react differently to the no-contact rule. So, you have to understand your partner and then decide whether or not to follow this rule to get them back into your life.