How to Talk about Marriage with Your Boyfriend
It’s common knowledge that if girls breach the topic of marriage, they are walking on thin ice.
That is true even for couples in long-term relationships. There’s just something about marriage that makes some guys uncomfortable.
So if you are trying to figure out how to talk about marriage with your boyfriend without triggering a break-up flag, you are not alone.
Love isn’t an issue, you know and feel your boyfriend loves you.
They are loyal to you and solid as a rock.
Stable and reliable until you talk about marriage. It’s not like they are scared of commitment; they can serve in the military, own a business, completed med school, or done something else that proves they can stick to their word of honor.
But when it’s a conversation about marriage, things get tense.
When talking about marriage, what is it that makes stable, reliable men run for the hills?
The truth is, there are many reasons, and the moment you figure that out, things change.
Common reasons why men are afraid of marriage
Like most problems, you have to dig deep to find the root cause, before you talk about marriage.
Unless you are dating a complete loser who can’t even hold down a job and clean up after themselves at the same time, then the problem lies somewhere hidden deep in your partner’s subconscious.
It could also be a conscious choice out of principles or experiences.
Here are some of the more obvious reasons why talk about marriage unnerves men.
Lack of independence
Freedom!!
It’s something most sentient life long for, humans fought bloody wars over it.
To some, marriage means a man needs to ask for permission again. They remember the long years with their mothers telling them to sleep early, wash their hands, and eat their vegetables. It’s a terrifying prospect for some of the independent men.
Marriage also means financial responsibility. They can no longer buy the latest release of Grand Theft Auto without their wife’s opinion. They also can’t spend all weekend playing it. You can imagine how scary that is for them.
If you want to talk about marriage with a man, always start with what you have to offer.
It’s salesmanship 101. Asking them to buy without letting them know what they are paying for first is lousy marketing. So, let’s not do that.
One of the best ways to talk about marriage is to describe the kind of wife you want to be and how it can benefit your would-be husband.
Sex with only one woman
It’s also part of freedom, but we need to discuss fidelity separately.
The prospect of having sex with just one woman forever doesn’t sound like a great deal for a lot of men. Fidelity can sound a lot like castration to some men. Don’t bother convincing him otherwise, it’s impossible.
But marriage also means that you will also be loyal to him.
Have him brood over the idea of you having sex with other men. If you’re talking about marriage with your boyfriend, position yourself as someone he doesn’t want to lose as a partner.
Make him promise his fidelity by offering yours.
This approach normally works unless he is not a firm endorser of fidelity.
Not enough benefits
A lot of men do not see the point of getting married when they can have all they want in a relationship without it.
They can have the woman, her fidelity, and her services even without marriage.
Cohabitation which is quite pervasive, for example, provides an attractive alternative. Men believe that without the “formal marriage contract.” it gives them the right to do whatever they want.
Of course, it isn’t true, but the illusion gives them comfort, and all the talk about marriage seems redundant.
It’s a good chance for you to learn how mature the person you want to marry is, Personal responsibility is a choice and a behavioral habit.
Just because you love a man, doesn’t mean they would be good husbands and fathers.
But if you really want the best scenario on how to talk to your boyfriend you want to get married, then do it after sharing a close and intimate time with your partner.
That’s when men are most receptive to pillow talk.
If he is still guarded after giving him a good time, then don’t despair. You can always try again next time and talk about marriage at a good time.
Also watch this insightful video on couples cohabiting:
Things couples should talk about before marriage
Before you ask him to marry you, make sure you are marrying the right person. Rushing into things could lead to a messy divorce and problem children.
So instead of telling your boyfriend you want to marry him, open up little things that are part of marriage and make him want it. Wondering how to talk about marriage?
Here’s a list of marriage topics to talk about:
- Children
- Religious orientation of the family
- Home type, location, and layout
- Food choices
- Financial responsibilities
- Child-rearing responsibilities
- Masters bedroom interior design (Trust me on this)
- Sunday activities
- Nightly activities
- Dealing with In-laws
- Family holiday traditions
- Sexual fantasies and preferences
- Couple night outs
- Living as retirees and other “in the far future” plans
The last thing you want is to pressure your man into marriage. You have to make him want it, and when he does, he will propose in his own way.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.
