Life may not always be easy, and you want to be sure that you are with somebody who will help you weather the storm!
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There are many questions to ask before marriage that will help you decide your future relationship with your partner.
Many people go through the whole process of falling in love and feel that’s enough to sustain their relationship throughout the marriage.
Yes, love is an essential factor in the relationship, but it’s about much more than that too.
If you want to make this relationship work in the long term & enjoy a successful marriage, these questions to consider before marriage will help ensure you are indeed linked.
You want to be sure that you will handle challenging situations together and that you are a match no matter what life throws your way.
Here are some helpful pre-marriage questions to ask your partner before marriage. The answers to these questions before marriage can help solidify your bond together or raise some red flags.
Finance questions to ask before marriage
Finance is one of the most important things to discuss before marriage. Addressing this question helps in understanding how finances will be managed in the relationship. Keeping a joint or separate account increases your chances of joint funds or capital if you are into a business.
Many couples hope to keep their autonomy in the financial area of their lives while building a partnership with their spouse. It is one of the significant things you should know about your partner.
They may be unwilling to share finances, hobbies, or friends, leading to a tense feeling of rejection if it isn’t discussed before marriage. Your partner may also have different ideas as to what “privacy” means. Here are things couples should talk about before marriage.
Where do you see yourself financially five years from now? (The answer to this question will reveal goals for the relationship.)
What do you think about money? How important is it to you? (The answer to this question will reveal spending habits).
How much debt do you have?
What is your credit situation?
Do you want to buy a home?
What are your thoughts on saving money?
Do you have a retirement account?
Can we create a joint financial management plan?
Should we have a prenup before marriage?
Will you have a joint account?
What are your financial goals in life?
What is the max one can spend before having to consult the other person?
How much will we spend on parents if they get sick?
How much should vacations cost?
Who will be paying the bills?
Who will be in charge of investing in our future?
Do you like paying with cash or credit?
How do you like to spend “fun money”?
Would you help your siblings financially in need?
Would you seek financial counseling if we need it?
Family and children questions to ask before marriage
Questions to answer before marriage should be asked regarding who will be active in the kids’ lives. Who will be a role model for them, who will change their diapers, who will take them to the park on weekends, who will be responsible for their schooling? It is essential to consider what to know before getting married. These questions should be asked and discussed before marriage to get to know your spouse better. Here are some more questions:
Do you want children? How many?
How do you want to be like your parents? Which mistakes of theirs do you want to avoid?
What sort of parenting style do you plan to adopt? How do you feel about parenting tasks?
Who will be the children’s primary caretaker? Or will we share duties?
How long should you be married before having children?
What kind of parent do you think you and your partner will be?
What is your parenting philosophy?
Will one of you stay home after having children?
What type of birth control should you use if you and your partner want to postpone or prevent parenthood?
What was your childhood like? What were the best and worst parts?
What about your parents was great? Bad?
What did you think of school?
What were you like as a child?
Who were your most significant role models?
What is the relationship you have with your family? What kind of relationship do you want with mine?
How is your relationship with your families?
Would you and your partner be opting for alternative ways of becoming parents?
Do you and your partner like the way they were raised?
Are children a way for you and your partner to feel happy in life, or is it for other reasons?
In a time of an accidental pregnancy, would you keep the baby?
Questions to ask about goals and dreams
All of the questions about goals and dreams here are food for thought and many discussions. Some will be relevant to you, some will be relevant for your partner, and some irrelevant, but they will get the conversation rolling.
The goal is to develop solutions for potential problems before those problems develop and begin impacting your marital life. Now you know what to discuss before marriage.
What are you passionate about?
What are your career goals?
What’s your dream retirement?
How do you want our days to look when we’re 30, 40, 50, 60, and beyond?
How can I help you achieve your goals?
Do you like your job?
Have you ever considered a career change?
Are you expected to work overtime?
Do you have to travel a lot for work? Do you make an effort to be at home as much as possible?
If you could change your career today, would you do it, and what would it be?
Is your work more important or your passions?
Are you willing to work on weekends?
Have you quit any jobs?
Were you ever fired? Why?
Are you ambitious?
Has work interfered with your relationships before?
How much do you earn in a year?
How important is the work ethic to you? What’s your work style?
How long have you been employed? Did you start working during high school or after graduating?
Do you commute to work? How long does that take on average? When would you get home?
Relationship questions to ask before marriage
Emotional intimacy and connection are essential for the success of any marriage. These questions to ask before you get married can give a couple of insights into their emotional compatibility. Marriage questions and answers help both feel connected. Here are some questions to ask your soulmate.
Do you understand who I am as an individual?
Do we understand each other?
Have we accepted each other?
Would we be happy in this marriage?
Would we have a balanced relationship?
Do you feel trapped?
Would this marriage hold any of us back?
Do we trust each other?
How do we prepare for our wedding?
Have you been married before? Are you a widow(er)?
Are you afraid that at some point, I’ll tell you that I no longer love you? Has this happened to you before?
What did your past working experiences teach you?
Do you still keep secrets from each other?
Do you have trust issues with each other?
Do you ever hold grudges from each other in the past?
Do you have issues with apologizing?
Do you make each other feel safe?
Does your partner judge you?
If one of you is stressed, how would the other one comfort you?
What kind of married couple would you like to be?
Watch this video to know if you should tell your partner everything:
Dealing with conflict
There is no perfect relationship; hence, there will be conflicts of interest, arguments, and disagreements in every relationship.
There might be arguments on what car to get, where to get your house sited, how much to spend on shopping every week, what bank and bank account they should operate and so on.
Under this, you should be discussing these questions should also be discussed:
What kind of change would your partner want to see in you after married or vice versa?
Will you both seek professional help if the conflicts are not resolved?
Do you think you both share your problems?
Would you both forgive each other, or would you end the relationship?
What should a long term relationship be like? For example, Are you going to make decisions together?
Are you both willing to face difficulties, or do you try to avoid conflicts?
Do you think both of you have problems in your relationship that you need to deal with before your wedding?
How are you and your partner different?
How would we communicate with each other?
What is the deal-breaker?
Would you both have to be of the same faith?
What is the most upsetting thing for you? Lying? Stealing? Something else?
If one of us is unfaithful, will we still try to work it out?
Has there ever been a secret you didn’t want to tell your partner?
What makes your partner angry? What do you do when they are angry?
What drains you of your joy and passion?
Does your partner believe that family roles should be done by the person best for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement?
What drains you of your joy and passion?
Does your partner believe that your family roles should be filled by the person best equipped for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement?
Do you believe in life after death?
Moral, political, religious, family values, and beliefs
It is essential that even if your partner disagrees with you on many matters, you should share some common grounds for values. Here are some important questions to ask before marriage.
Do you have strong political views? Are you liberal or conservative? Should we ever even talk about politics?
Was politics a subject for a family talk?
Are you a member of a political party? Do you expect me to join you?
What do you think about elections? Do you vote or not?
Do you involve yourself in political activities such as marches or protests?
If we have completely different political opinions, do you think it will be a problem for our relationship?
What are your thoughts on racism, sexism, and other controversial topics?
Are you constantly aware of the decisions and laws put in place by the government?
Have political differences been the factor of a breakup for you in the past?
Has anyone accused you of being a communist, nazi, or fascist?
Have you been part of a political rally?
Should people with higher incomes support those that are more disfavored?
Do you think you’re paying too much tax? Should tax be mandatory?
Should military service be mandatory? Have you served?
Do you have relatives or friends in the military?
Would you want your children to have to serve in the military?
Should opposing parties or forces be convinced to step down through violent or non-violent methods?
Does religion play an essential role in their life?
What is the importance of faith and spirituality in a marriage?
What is the general image of God that your potential partner has?
Past relationships questions to ask before marriage
Addressing the questions about you and your partner’s life values can help you ascertain what is important to both of you and build cohesion between one another. Here are some past related questions to ask your future spouse.
Have you ever felt deeply insecure in a relationship? Were you able to name your fear?
When was the first time you felt that you were in love with another person?
What happened in the relationships, and how have you come to terms with them?
What is the longest relationship you have ever had before this one? Why did it end, and what lesson did you learn?
Have you ever been married?
Are you divorced or widowed? How do you think you handled the loss?
If you have a current partner, do they know of behaviors that you exhibited in your previous relationship that you are not proud of?
Do you believe past relationships should be left in the past and not discussed in your current relationship?
Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships?
Have you ever sought marriage counseling? What did the experience teach you?
Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships? What is your relationship with them? How do you see your relationship with them in the future?
Have you ever been engaged to be married but didn’t go through with the wedding?
Have you ever had a live-in partner? Why did you choose to live together instead of marrying?
What did your relationship experiences teach you about the importance of marriage and commitment?
Do you harbor fears that the person you love might reject you or fail out of love with you?
Did you notice a pattern that kept leading to breakups?
Do you think about your ex a lot?
Have you ever judged a partner based on how the one before them was?
Is there a recurring factor or topic that kept leading to breakups?
Do you find yourself talking about your ex a lot?
Health conditions questions to ask before marriage
Before venturing into a marriage, you have to know whether your partner is ready to face challenges and shortcomings with you, or they will leave you to your fate.
How would you describe the current state of your health?
Have you ever had a severe illness? Have you ever had surgery?
Do you believe in taking care of yourself religiously? Do you believe that taking care of physical and mental health is a part of your marriage vows?
Are there any genetic diseases in your family or a history of chronic illness?
Do you have health insurance?
Are you a member of a gym? How much time do you spend at the gym every week?
Do you play sports or take exercise classes?
Have you ever been in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship?
Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?
Have you ever been in a severe accident?
Do you take regular medication?
Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease?
Have you ever been diagnosed or treated for a mental disorder?
Have you ever been to therapy? For what reason?
Do you smoke, or have you ever smoked?
Have you ever suffered from an addiction? Have someone told you to have an addiction problem, even though you never thought you did?
How much alcohol do you consume every week?
Do you use any kinds of recreational drugs?
Do you have a medical problem that impacts your ability to have a satisfying sex life (for example, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, drug/alcohol addiction, etc.)?
Have any of these health problems ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Self image questions to ask before marriage
We are all humans, and we sure do make mistakes. No one is perfect, and we all tend to carry flaws. When you choose someone to love, you need to love even their imperfections and accept them the way they are.
You should not try and change the individual according to your own needs and instead focus on their qualities to remind you why you chose this person to get married to.
Couples learn a lot through marriage and grow into better versions of themselves as long as love and trust in their relationship.
Do you spend a lot of time looking at the mirror?
Is it important that your partner also takes a lot of care of themselves?
If we’re together out in the town, would you want to wear matching outfits or not?
Would you consider plastic surgery to improve your looks?
Do you wear make-up? How much and how often?
Are you self-conscious about your weight, height, or looks?
Would you be angry or dissatisfied if I gained a noticeable amount of weight?
Are you really in touch with fashion? How much do you spend on clothes?
Do you have a reasonable opinion about how you look?
Are you worried your looks are going to fade with old age?
Have you been shamed for your appearance by your parents, or were they always supporting you? What about your peers?
Is there something, in particular, you dislike about yourself? Physical or otherwise.
Would you still love me if I suffered an accident and remained scarred? What about if I lost a limb?
Is physical attraction a need for you to connect deeply with someone?
Do you always wish to be viewed as attractive?
Have you gotten a haircut in the past because someone commented passingly that your hair is messy?
How long does it take you to get over an insult?
Are there people whose opinions you don’t value at all?
Do you generally feel self-assured?
Are you willing to have a go at things you’re not that skilled at (yet)?
Work questions to ask before marriage
Many of us might not even consider this. However, to prevent a lifetime of regret, a career is one of the important topics to discuss before marriage.
If you’ve worked hard all your life to achieve your goals and your partner isn’t fully supportive of that, then it’s time to do some evaluation.
Your job experiences have molded you into the person that you are today. Therefore, try to make your partner understand how passionate you are about your work.
Working on things to know before marriage will prevent misunderstandings in the future.
Are you working in your dream field?
How many hours in a week do you work?
What does your job entail? (For example, do you often travel for business, work at home, or perform dangerous tasks?)
What is your dream job?
Do you think you are a workaholic?
What is your retirement plan? What is it that you want to do when you retire?
Have you ever been fired?
Have you ever quit a job suddenly? Have you changed jobs a lot?
Do you consider your work a career or just a job?
Has your work ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Does your partner prioritize work over other aspects of their life?
Does your partner view their occupation as their passion?
How demanding is your partner’s job?
Has work-life balance ever put a strain on your relationship?
Does work interfere with the plans you have for life?
How salary-driven are you and your partner?
Does having a demanding job support the lifestyle you two enjoy?
How supportive is the partner of your career goals?
Do your individual career goals conflict with each other at all?
How does your partner feel when they come home from work?
Why should you ask these questions to ask before marriage? The idea is to answer all these questions over time to identify caution areas and strengths in the relationship.
Feel free to text these questions, a couple at a time. Then after each of you has given them some thought, talk about it.
These questions need to be discussed in person so that you can watch each other’s body language and facial expressions. It’s ok to revisit questions if either one of you thinks of something later.
Information will be revealed that may surprise you, and you may have more in common than you initially thought.
Just engaged or contemplating marriage? Discover how to transition smoothly into the next phase of your relationship with Marriage.com's Pre-Marriage Course. Begin your incredible journey with this guide designed by experts and lay a strong foundation for your path of togetherness - forever!
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.