How to Stop Being Obsessive in a Relationship: 10 Tips

Romantic relationships are usually filled with passion and an intense desire to be close to each other, especially in the beginning stages. While feelings of love can be intense, problems can arise if obsessive behavior in a relationship exists.

If you’re struggling with relationship obsession or become obsessed with your relationships, there are ways to cope. Here, learn how to stop being obsessive in a relationship and how to overcome obsession in a relationship before things get out of control.

What does it mean to be obsessive in a relationship?

“Obsessive meaning in relationship” refers to the overwhelming preoccupation with one’s partner and the relationship itself, typically leading to intrusive thoughts, excessive monitoring, jealousy, possessiveness, and a constant fear of abandonment. 

Individuals exhibiting such behavior may neglect their well-being, struggle to trust their partner, and experience emotional turmoil. Healthy relationships thrive on trust, respect, and mutual growth, while obsession can be detrimental, causing emotional distress and straining the relationship. 

Recognizing these signs is essential, as addressing them is crucial for maintaining a fulfilling and balanced relationship.

What causes obsession in a relationship?

If you’re asking yourself, “Why am I obsessed with my boyfriend?” you might be interested in understanding the causes of this behavior. In some cases, obsessive behavior in relationships can be caused by a mental health condition, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder or a personality disorder (OCD).

Other common causes of obsessiveness in relationships include

• A constant need for reassurance
• Low-self esteem
• Having codependent tendencies, meaning you feel the need to care for other people in relationships
• Underlying issues with jealousy or the fear that a partner will leave you 
• Having an addictive personality type

Difference between love and obsession

When you’re obsessive in a relationship, you may believe that you’re simply demonstrating feelings of love, but there is a difference between love and obsession. 

An unhealthy obsession with someone can take over your life. In contrast, healthy love is balanced and can allow you to care for someone while recognizing that they can have interests aside from you. 

For example, when you are obsessed with someone, you may want to spend all of your time with them, and you may become highly jealous if they want to spend time with others or have interests outside of you.

On the other hand, in relationships with a healthy form of love, you can care deeply about your significant other and even feel passionate about them. However, you still recognize that they may spend time apart from you and have interests outside the relationship. 

Obsessive behavior in relationships can sometimes take on the form of control, in which one person may seek power over the other. 

In healthy relationships based on genuine love, a person does not desire to control their partner but instead views them as a person who is worthy of respect and autonomy.

How to get over an obsession with someone: 10 steps 

If you find yourself demonstrating unhealthy, obsessive behavior in your relationships, there are strategies you can use to learn how to be less obsessed with someone. Below, we have discussed some steps you can take to overcome obsession in your relationship:

1. Distract yourself from obsessive thoughts

One of the easiest ways to learn how to stop being obsessive in a relationship is to distract yourself. If you’re having difficulty letting go of your obsessions, spend time doing things you enjoy or take up a new hobby.

You might also consider distracting yourself with a movie, a good book, or a walk around the block. Whether you’re in an obsessive relationship or trying to stop obsessing over an ex, a little distraction can go a long way.

2. Set a goal for yourself

It’s easy to become obsessive in a relationship when you don’t have any personal aspirations. If you’re looking to overcome an obsession with someone, set a goal, such as learning a new skill, getting a promotion at work, or even going back to school. 

When you’re focused on your goals, you won’t have time to be obsessed. 

3. Get to the root of the feeling

Behind every obsession, there is usually some underlying feeling, such as fear or anxiety. It might be time to dig deeper if you can’t figure out how not to obsess over someone. What are you really feeling? 

Maybe you’re obsessing over your partner because you’ve been hurt in the past, and you’re fearful they will betray you. Whatever the case, dealing with the underlying feeling can help you to become less obsessive. 

4. Practice mindfulness

Learning to become more mindful or live in the present moment can be a strategy for how to not be obsessive in a relationship. When you become more mindful, you can focus on the present and let thoughts come and go without fixating on them.

For someone who tends to obsess in relationships, mindfulness practices such as yoga and meditation can take your mind off your obsessions and allow you to be more relaxed.  

5. Turn to family and friends

Sometimes, you may not realize you’re being obsessive in a relationship. If friends and family share that they worry you’re overly obsessed, they might be genuinely concerned and correct. 

At the same time, if you worry that you’re being too obsessed, you can usually count on your closest loved ones to be honest with you and offer their suggestions. 

6. Take up journaling

Sometimes, it can help to put your thoughts on paper. When experiencing an obsessive thought, write it down; you may find it has less power. 

In general, journaling can be a way of calming your mind and alleviating whatever feelings are leading you to be obsessive in a relationship. This practice can be an effective technique for learning how to be less obsessive.

7. Consider if codependency might be to blame

Codependent people tend to obsess over the well-being of the people around them, to the point that they feel responsible for others, even in adult relationships. 

If you feel compelled to obsess over your significant other’s every need and think you need to “fix” them or be a hero in their life, you could be codependent.

In this case, attending a codependent support group can be helpful. In support groups, you might learn that you aren’t accepting other people’s behavior, which can help you let go of your obsessive desire to protect your partner.  

You may also benefit from exploring books on codependency to help you discover more about your tendency to be obsessive in relationships. 

8. Recognize that obsession can be dangerous

If you’re struggling with how to stop being obsessive in a relationship, take a step back and recognize that being obsessive in your relationships can be unhealthy and dangerous. 

At the very least, being obsessive can lead to toxic relationship dynamics, in which you control your partner and prevent them from having outside interests.

In the worst cases, obsessive behavior in relationships can cause you to violate your partner’s rights. For instance, they may feel they do not have the right to leave the house without permission. Some obsessive partners may even resort to psychological abuse or physical aggression to control their partners. 

Learning how to stop obsessing over someone is essential for encouraging healthier relationships.

9. Spend time with other people

If you’ve become obsessive in your relationship, you might benefit from enjoying time with family and friends. When you’re struggling with the fact that your significant other has outside interests and friendships, it can be helpful if you pursue friendships of your own.

As you spend more time apart, you might realize that you enjoy having separate time for your interests and friendships. This can help you to overcome being obsessive in a relationship.

Watch Rajiv Surendra, a Canadian actor, artist, and writer, share his insights on how you can spend quality time with your loved ones:

10. Turn to professional support

Sometimes, an underlying issue, such as a mental health condition, may lead to an unhealthy obsession with a person. If you’re in a committed relationship, you may benefit from undergoing relationship therapy to help you address obsessiveness.

On the other hand, if you’ve broken up and you’re trying to learn how to overcome obsession, it can be helpful to undergo individual counseling to treat underlying mental health conditions. This may not only reduce the current obsession but also allow you to have healthier relationships in the future.

Commonly asked questions

Exploring the complexities of romantic relationships can raise questions about obsessive behavior and its impact. Here are some commonly asked questions that shed light on how obsession affects relationships and its potential connection to deeper emotional or mental health issues.

• How can being obsessive affect a relationship?

Being obsessive in a relationship can have detrimental effects. It can lead to excessive jealousy, possessiveness, and insecurity, straining the bond. Over time, it may erode trust and emotional well-being, causing stress and emotional turmoil for both partners. 

Healthy relationships thrive on trust, respect, and mutual growth, qualities that obsession can jeopardize.

• Can obsessive behavior indicate a deeper emotional issue or mental health condition?

Obsessive behavior in a relationship can indicate underlying emotional issues or mental health conditions. Conditions like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and codependency may contribute to obsessions. 

Recognizing these signs and seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can be crucial in addressing the root causes and developing healthier relationship connections.

The bottom line

If you tend to show obsessive behavior in relationships, there are strategies you can use to overcome your obsessions. For instance, with time and practice, you can learn to cope with obsessions by practicing mindfulness, distracting yourself with things you enjoy, and spending time with friends.

Obsessiveness can sometimes signify an underlying issue, such as a mental health condition. In this case, learning how to stop being obsessive in a relationship may require you to go to counseling so you can address the mental health condition that is leading to obsessive behaviors. 

It can be challenging to learn how to stop being obsessive, but the truth is that it is possible. Typically, obsession is rooted in some larger fear, such as a fear of something terrible happening to your significant other or anxiety over being abandoned.

Letting go of these fears may seem scary. Still, the truth is that learning how not to obsess over someone can pave the way for healthier, happier relationships.

Expert Q&A

My spouse gets angry with me and says hurtful things when he’s angry. He then shuts down and emotionally abandons me for weeks. He blames me for things I didn’t do and can turn ice cold at will. I believe we have a toxic relationship, and I’m trying not to obsess over him. Is there help for me?

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Answer

The behaviors you are describing from your spouse are unhealthy and harmful to relationships. This sort of behavior damages relationships and makes it difficult for partners to have a healthy union. If possible, sit down when he is calm and in a good mood. Clearly communicate to him that his behavior is hurtful. Give specific examples of hurtful behavior, and tell him you must work toward changing it as a couple. Offer your support in helping him to communicate and handle conflict more healthily. If the behavior doesn't change immediately, you will likely need to seek the support of a couples counselor. If he does not go to counseling, it is unlikely that the relationship will improve. You might consider seeking your own counseling to help you cope. In the meantime, remember that this behavior isn't your fault. You deserve kindness and clear communication. Try to focus on yourself. Practice self-care, spend time with supportive people, and set goals for your own growth. If you accept this behavior in a relationship, you may have low self-esteem or be too reliant on your partner for your own happiness. All of these things can absolutely be fixed.

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Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount... Read more Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.   Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise. Read less

(Jennifer Jacobsen is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Ashland)