How Slow Is Too Slow in a Relationship – 10 Signs to Recognize

You are in love and in a relationship, and you’re really happy, but there’s one thing that is bothering you – your relationship isn’t moving as quickly as you expected.

However, how slow is too slow in a relationship? How can you tell that you’re not going anywhere or you’re taking everything really slow?

Everyone follows their own pace and will only do what they’re comfortable doing. So, this situation could feel frustrating, especially when you’re eager to take your relationship further.

In this article, we’ll dig deeper and learn about moving too slowly in a relationship and how you could deal with it.

What does taking a relationship slow mean?

Surely, we’ve heard about slowing down a relationship moving too fast, but what about the other way around?

What does a relationship moving too slowly mean?

Depending on your relationship, “taking things slow” can have different meanings. For example, some might ask for a longer time before engaging in intimate acts, and some may hold off getting engaged or getting married.

“Taking it slow” is a broad term about a romantic relationship progressing slowly. This may be regarding physical intimacy, emotional attachments, or commitment.

Learning how to move slowly in a relationship works if you both agree that you’re moving fast in your relationship timeline.

Regardless of the situation, it’s significant to understand why your partner might want to take things slow if that’s what they tell you.

How slow is too slow in a relationship?

This topic might leave you guessing, how slow is too slow in a new relationship?

When talking about relationships, it’s important to remember that we should never compare and that every relationship is different.

Some relationships are fast-moving. There are couples who choose to marry even after just months of dating. There are other couples who prefer a slow-moving relationship.

Now, that being said, the answer here is that it would depend on what you are comfortable with. If you are both okay with a fast-paced relationship, then that’s great, and if you want a slow-moving one, that’s also okay.

However, there’s also what we call “too slow.”

It’s when you find that your relationship is not moving forward for a very long time, or you feel like your partner is stalling, holding back, or always finding reasons to avoid moving forward.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker:

“Too slow” progress in a relationship refers to a situation in which the emotional, physical, and social bonds between partners do not develop at a noticeable pace. 

The degree of this situation may vary depending on factors such as the time couples devote to each other, the speed of the emotional bonding process, the frequency of sexual interactions, and the regularity of joint activities.

Even though we can’t put a specific number of days on each goal, if you think you’re not going anywhere and you feel in your gut that you are not progressing, then that’s when you call it “too slow.”

10 signs your relationship is moving too slow  

While there is no definite slow relationship timeline, we have signs to know if your relationship is not moving at a normal pace.

Aside from your gut feeling, it’s also good to know how slow is too slow in a relationship.

1. You haven’t made it official

While there are also people who want to try taking a relationship slowly, there are also things that need to be dealt with at a normal pace.

What do we mean by this?

If you’ve been dating for months now, and you feel like you’re already a couple, but you still haven’t made it official.

You are already doing the things that couples do, and you’ve been in this “relationship” for a couple of months, yet there’s no label.

It’s either you’re moving really slowly, or there’s no interest in giving “what you have” a label.

2. You haven’t met each other’s friends and family

If you feel like you are going slow in a relationship because you haven’t met each other’s friends or family, then you are correct.

Meeting the people closest to you is a way for you to formally introduce that you are in a relationship.

After a few months of dating, it is common for couples to meet each other’s family, but waiting a year or more would be considered quite slow.

3. You only have short-term plans

After a few years of dating, some couples start making future plans together. Some decide to move in together, but others focus on their goals as a couple, such as thinking of a business or so.

However, you know you are moving slowly in a relationship if, after many years of dating, you’re still making short-term plans.

4. You don’t talk about the future

Some couples take it slow if they are unsure about the future or the person they are with. But what if you’ve been together for years, yet you don’t talk about your future?

This is one way to know how slow is too slow in a relationship.

As Psychologist Mert Şeker explains:

Not talking about the future can be a significant factor in determining the pace of progress in a relationship. This creates a dynamic where couples avoid communicating about long-term goals, plans, or commitments. This lack of communication can affect the long-term strength and sustainability of the relationship.

We’re not discussing bigger plans about having kids or getting married, but at the very least, you can still talk about your future together.

Related Reading: How to Talk About the Future With My Partner Effectively

5. You aren’t comfortable with certain topics about your relationship

Do you ever feel like your partner is avoiding certain topics? Topics that include children, marriage, or investments?

Well, if these topics are brought up during your dating stage or the getting-to-know stage, that’s a bit fast, and you might want to learn how to go slow in a relationship.

But if you’ve been in a relationship for years, yet you or your partner are trying your best to avoid topics like these, then it’s one sign to know how slow is too slow in a relationship.

6. You don’t feel like you’re growing together

Guys who move slowly in relationships often face one problem – they don’t grow together.

It’s important to learn that a healthy relationship should move at a normal pace. This allows the couple to learn things, adjust, accommodate changes, and ultimately, grow together.

Psychologist Mert Şeker, from his experience, clarifies:

The lack of a sense of growth in a slow-moving relationship can be attributed to various factors.

Lack of communication can prevent partners from achieving emotional depth and becoming more involved in each other’s growth processes. Failure to set common goals or work together to achieve them can undermine couples’ sense of evolution.

If you stay in the dating phase for so many years, you become stagnant, and growth slows down. It’s when you can no longer see yourself growing together but rather drifting apart.

7. There are plenty of reasons not to move forward

Aside from avoiding topics that tackle the future, you know how slow it is too slow in a relationship if there is always a reason why you are not getting where you should be.

“We have to prioritize this job opportunity,”

“We have to save first.”

“We need to enjoy life first. Travel and do things as a couple.”

These are just a few things a couple could say to each other to justify why they are not moving forward with their relationship.

8. You sense selfishness

A slow-moving relationship may also show selfishness.

If one partner tries their best to avoid commitment or to move forward without thinking about what their partner might think, then that’s a sign that you are in a very slow-moving or stagnant relationship.

Sometimes, it’s sad to know your partner or someone close to you exhibits selfishness, but why do they do this? 

Related Reading: 20 Signs You Are Being Selfish in a Relationship

Understanding this behavior is possible, and Stephanie Lyn Coaching can help. 

Watch her video below to learn more. 

9. There’s always the “not yet ready” statement

While many people want to learn how to take a relationship slowly, some want to see if they are going anywhere with their relationship.

However, you know how slow is too slow in a relationship when you’re trying to give hints, but you always get the “I’m not ready yet” statement.

Going at a slow pace is alright in some cases, but if it gets to the point where your relationship isn’t growing anymore, it’s not a good sign.

10. You feel that you’re in a very slow-paced relationship

Ultimately, you know how slow is too slow in a relationship when you feel it. You don’t have to compare for you to know that you’re not going anywhere.

There will be a point where you begin to ask yourself if this relationship is going anywhere or if you will be waiting for nothing.

How to deal with it? – 5 ways

Now that you know the signs of how slow is too slow in a relationship, it’s time to think about what you will do about it.

Should you end your relationship, wait, or seek professional help?

While each relationship is different, it’s still important to know these five ways how you can deal with a slow-moving relationship.

1. Understand slow-paced relationships

Going slow in a relationship is not at all bad. In fact, there are many benefits of choosing to go slow in a relationship.

This is why it’s important to be familiar with the pros and cons of having a slow-paced relationship. From there, check your own relationship and weigh where you fit in.

Are you in a slow-paced relationship, or are you no longer interested in moving forward?

Related Reading: How to Slow down a New Relationship?

2. Communicate

It’s very important to communicate with each other. While it’s okay not to talk about your future plans as a couple when you’re dating, it’s different when you’ve been in a relationship for more than a year or so.

Do your best to open up and discuss your reasons, fears, and inhibitions. Talk about what keeps you going, what stops you, and where you want to go from here.

If you don’t talk with each other or continue to avoid these topics, then you’re just staying in a stagnant relationship.

3. Be more patient

Once you have talked with each other and understand each other’s perspective, it’s also important to be patient with each other.

If you’ve opened up and have committed to changing and growing your relationship, then it’s vital to know that these changes won’t happen overnight.

It will take a while, but small progress is still progress. Support each other and be more patient.

4. Focus on each other

Most often, talking about slow-paced relationships involves feelings of being far away from each other. If you are both committed to change and working things out together, one way to start is to spend time together.

Psychologist Mert Şeker further elucidates:

In a slow-moving relationship, couples’ focus on each other is vital in strengthening and deepening the basic dynamics of the relationship. This focus allows partners to understand each other better, strengthen their emotional bonds, and build mutual trust.

Focusing involves a process in which couples attend to each other attentively, demonstrate empathy, and improve communication skills.

Date again, talk, do activities together, and so much more. This will enhance your intimacy and help jumpstart your relationship timeline.

5. Seek professional help

If everything else fails, if you don’t know where to start communicating, or if you think the other isn’t cooperative, then maybe, seeing professional help is what you need.

Couples counseling is a great way to work on issues and also gives the couple essential skills that they could use to face future issues.

FAQs

Here are some of the most discussed and searched questions related to moving too slowly in a relationship:

• Do you recommend taking things slow in a relationship?

Taking things slowly in a relationship can also be a wise decision. It is because moving too fast in your relationship could lead to misunderstandings, and you are also bound to make mistakes.

Remember that getting to know someone on a deeper level takes time.

If you and your partner agree on taking things slow, both of you can develop a stronger emotional connection with each other.

It also allows you to understand each other’s values, beliefs, interests, and so much more before you make major life changes or commitments.

Just remember that it’s also as important to know how slow is too slow in a relationship. This way, you know when it’s too much.

• Can you take things too slow in a relationship?

Yes, taking things too slow in one’s relationship is possible. As we all know by now, taking things slow can help you and your partner build a strong emotional connection with each other, but if it’s too slow, then that’s a different topic.

If you’re moving too slowly in your relationship, then you’re risking it to become stagnant and boring, and there’s a possibility of falling out of love.

There is also a possibility of harboring resentment and insecurities.

Takeaway

Know that you know how slow is too slow in a relationship. It will help you determine if you’re just taking things slowly or already in a stagnant relationship.

Remember that in a healthy relationship, finding a balance is essential. Both fast-moving and slow dating won’t do you or your relationship any good. 

Communicating openly, strengthening your bond, and working on your intimacy will help you set the proper pace for your relationship.

This way, you know when to talk about your future, when is the right time to plan, and how you can prepare for that plan.

Once you can do this, you know when you’re ready to move forward confidently in your relationship.