15 Signs You’re Not Ready for Marriage
In This Article
The question has been popped, and you have said yes. You’ve excitedly announced your engagement to all your family and friends. But as you start planning your wedding, you just aren’t feeling it.
You are having second thoughts. Is it a case of cold feet or something more? Not ready to get married? Are you able to look at glaring signs you’re not ready for marriage or a committed relationship?
Marriage is a significant commitment that requires careful consideration and preparation. However, many people rush into marriage without fully understanding the implications. In this article, we’ll explore the risks of rushing into marriage and provide tips for making a more informed decision.
15 signs you’re not ready for marriage
Marriage is a significant milestone in most people’s lives, but it is not a decision that should be taken lightly. It involves a long-term commitment and requires a great deal of patience, love, and understanding.
While it may be tempting to jump into marriage, it is essential to know if you are ready for the challenges that come with it. Here are 15 signs signs you’re not ready for marriage:
1. You have only known your partner a short while
It has only been six months, but every moment together has been bliss. You can’t stop thinking about them. You never want to be away from their side. When not together, you text constantly. This must be love, right?
During the first year, you are in the infatuation stage of your relationship. This doesn’t mean that you won’t marry your partner one day. But you need time to learn more about this person before committing to them.
During the first year, everything looks rosy. A few months down the line you could find yourself saying, “Not sure about marriage.”
Making an important life-altering decision while wearing the rose-colored glasses of infatuation would be a mistake.
If this is the real deal, love will last, giving you more time to better assess everything about your mate—the good and the not-so-good—so that you can walk down the aisle truly knowing who this person is.
Going for a pre-marriage course or marriage counseling can benefit you in knowing your would-be partner at this stage.
Related Reading: 100 Questions to Determine How Well You Know Your Partner
2. You are uncomfortable sharing your deep, dark secrets
A healthy, loving marriage is made up of two people who know each other’s secrets and still love each other.
If you are hiding something significant, a former marriage, a bad credit history, a substance abuse problem (even if resolved), these are probably signs you’re not ready for marriage with this person.
If you are afraid that your partner will judge you, you need to work on where that fear is coming from. You want to be able to be authentically you and still be loved when saying “I do.”
3. You don’t fight well
If your couple’s pattern of conflict resolution is one person giving in to the other just to keep the peace, you aren’t ready to get married.
Happy couples learn to communicate their grievances in ways that move towards mutual satisfaction or at least mutual understanding of the other person’s viewpoint.
If one of you consistently gives in to the other, just so tempers will not flare, this will only breed resentment in your relationship.
Before getting married, do some work, either by reading advice books or talking to a counselor, so you learn how to handle the inevitable conflicts that arise in all relationships.
If you sense that you are not willing to “fight intelligently”, you are not ready to get married.
4. Or you don’t fight at all
“We never fight!” you tell your friends. This is not a good sign. It may mean you aren’t communicating enough about all the hard stuff. More likely one of you is fearful of rocking the relationship boat and not voicing your dissatisfaction about an issue.
If you haven’t had an opportunity to see how you both manage a heated debate, you aren’t ready to join each other in matrimony.
5. Your values don’t line up on the important issues
You love spending time with your partner.
But as you have gotten to know them better, you realize that you don’t see eye to eye on important things like money (spending, saving), children (how to raise them), work ethic, and leisure activities.
Marrying someone means marrying all of them, not just the parts that you enjoy. Clearly, you are not ready for marriage if you are not on the same page when it comes to core values and ethics.
Your values don’t line up on the important issues
6. You have a wandering eye
You hide intimate communications you are having with an ex. Or, you continue to flirt with your office colleague. You can’t imagine settling for the attention of just one person.
If you feel the need for constant validation from people other than the person you are considering marrying, it can be one of the signs you’re not ready for marriage.
Marriage doesn’t mean you stop being human—it is natural to appreciate qualities in people other than your spouse-to-be — but it does mean you need to be ready to commit emotionally and physically to your mate.
Related Reading: How to Deal With a Partner Who Has Wandering Eyes
7. You aren’t sure you are ready to settle down
You get along so well with your partner, yet you sense that you want to date different types of people before tying yourself to just one.
If that little voice in your head is telling you to sign up for Tinder just to see who is out there, you want to listen to it.
There’s no reason to move forward with a wedding only to find out later that you regret not playing the field a bit more before putting a ring on it.
8. You hate to compromise
You’ve been on your own awhile, and you know how you like your home (tidy all the time), your morning routine (don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee), and your vacations (Club Med).
But now that you are in love and spending your time together, you are finding that your partner’s habits aren’t exactly the same.
You aren’t comfortable changing your lifestyle in order to blend with theirs.
If this is the case, it is one of the prominent signs you should not get married. So, cancel your order for the wedding invitations.
With time, you may come to realize that in order to successfully merge, you will have to compromise.
When you are ready to marry, this will not seem like a sacrifice. It will come naturally to you as the most reasonable thing to do. That also answers the question, “When are you ready for marriage?”
9. Your friends have gotten married and you feel pressured to settle down
How do you know you are not ready for marriage?
You have been going to other people’s weddings for the past year and a half. You seem to have a permanent seat at the bride and groom’s table. You are tired of being asked, “So, when are you two going to tie the knot?”
If you are feeling left out because all of your friends have become “Mr and Mrs”, expand your social circle to include other non-marrieds. Clearly, you are not ready to get married and are just caving in to peer pressure.
That is a much healthier way to handle this situation than moving forward with a wedding just because you hate being the last unmarried couple at Bunco night.
10. You think your partner has the potential to change
You want to marry the person your partner is, not the person you imagine they can be. While people do undergo some changes as they mature, they do not change fundamentally. Whoever your partner is right now, that is the person they will always be.
So entering a marriage thinking it will magically change your partner into being more responsible, more ambitious, more caring, or more attentive to you is a huge mistake. Choosing to get married because of this false notion is also one of the signs you’re not ready for marriage.
People don’t change just because they exchange wedding rings.
Related Reading: Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Try to Change Your Partner
Watch this episode from a popular talk show that discusses how much you should change for your partner.
11. You aren’t fully aware of what you want
You might want to ask yourself, ‘’why am I not ready for marriage?’’ And the answer lies with you only.
Knowing who you are and what you want is crucial before entering into a marriage. You need to have a clear understanding of yourself to build a healthy and successful partnership.
If you settle down thinking that it might make the picture clearer to you in the long run, you might be up for a mistake. Marriage should be a decision to take after careful consideration.
12. You’re more focused on the wedding than the marriage
If you’re constantly worried about getting all the arrangements done rather than being happy about marrying the love of your life, it might be one of the signs you’re not ready for marriage.
If you’re more concerned with planning your dream wedding than building a strong and lasting marriage, then you may need more time to be ready for the commitment.
13. You’re not financially stable
Once the fairy tale sets in, a couple must take charge of their financial situation. It is important for both partners to contribute equally in some way or the other so that the family keeps going.
Financial stability is an essential factor in any marriage. If you’re not financially stable, it can put a significant strain on your relationship and cause unnecessary stress.
Related Reading: 15 Tips for Women to Be Financially Independent After Marriage
14. You’re not emotionally mature
Emotional stability is not decided by age or thoughts. It must come naturally with experience, leading a person to a wider perspective on matters like marriage and commitment.
Emotional maturity is crucial in any relationship. If you’re not emotionally mature, it can be challenging to handle the challenges and hurdles that come with marriage. Take this as one of the important signs you’re not ready for marriage.
15. You’re not ready for children
It’s okay to not want children for a certain period after marriage. But if you don’t want a family at all, it might become a problem for your partner.
If you’re not on the same page about this matter, it might sound unfair to them and contribute to signs you are not ready for marriage and legitimate reasons to not get married.
Children are a significant responsibility, and if you’re not ready to take on that responsibility, it can put a significant strain on your marriage.
Related Reading: 15 Signs You’re Not Ready for a Baby Right Now
How do you convince your parents you are not ready for marriage?
Convincing your parents that you are not ready for marriage can be a daunting task, especially if they are traditional or hold strong beliefs about marriage.
Here are five ways to approach the conversation:
Be honest and open
The first step is to be honest and open with your parents. Explain why you feel that you are not ready for marriage and be clear about your concerns. Try to have a mature and respectful conversation, and listen to their perspective.
Related Reading: How to Be Honest in a Relationship: 10 Practical Ways
Highlight your goals and aspirations
Share your future plans and goals with your parents. Show them that you have ambitions and dreams that you want to pursue before settling down. Explain how getting married now may hinder your plans.
Talk about your financial stability
Discuss your financial stability with your parents. If you are not financially stable, explain how this may affect your ability to support a family. Show them that you want to work towards being financially secure before getting married.
Related Reading: Facilitate Your Understanding of Types and Ways to Handle Financial Issues in Marriage
Seek support from a trusted family member
If you feel that your parents are not listening to you, consider seeking support from a trusted family member. This person may be able to help you communicate your concerns effectively and mediate the conversation.
Be firm but respectful
Finally, it’s important to be firm but respectful in your communication with your parents. You may need to stand your ground, but it’s essential to do so without being confrontational or disrespectful.
Remember, it’s okay to take your time before getting married, and it’s crucial to do so when you are ready.
Why is it not good to rush your marriage?
It is not good to rush your marriage because marriage is a significant commitment that requires careful consideration and preparation. Rushing into marriage can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of emotional readiness.
It’s essential to take the time to build a strong foundation, and understand yourself and your partner before committing to a lifelong partnership. Rushing into marriage may also increase the risk of divorce, which can have long-lasting emotional and financial consequences.
Commonly asked questions
Rushing into a marriage can have serious consequences, and it’s crucial to approach this decision with careful consideration. In this FAQ section, we’ll answer some common questions about rushing into marriage and provide insights into making a more informed decision.
What is the best age to get married?
There is no universally agreed upon “best age” to get married, as individual circumstances, values, and preferences can vary. Some factors that may influence the decision include emotional readiness, financial stability, and personal goals.
Alternatively, you might want to ask ‘’how to know you’re ready for marriage?’’ The suggestion here is to follow your intuition and get married when you are ready.
Why do I feel not ready for marriage?
There can be many reasons why someone may feel not ready for marriage. It may be due to personal goals, emotional readiness, financial stability, or a lack of understanding of oneself and their partner. It’s important to take the time to evaluate these factors before making a lifelong commitment.
Take the plunge once you’re ready for it
How to know when you will get married if you’re ready for it yet?
If you are not ready to get married, it doesn’t imply that you will remain lonely till the end of your life.
Leverage this time to understand what is making you feel cold feet, build trust in your relationship, set and maintain healthy boundaries, make future plans, and ask yourself what you’re looking for out of a marriage and your partner.
By taking note of signs suggesting you are not ready to get married, you will be able to work at strengthening your bond, work at the areas of improvement in your relationship and build something special together, that has what it takes to weather the storms of married life together.
Then use these insights to first build a solid relationship with your partner and then take the plunge when you both feel fully ready to.
Remember the popular idiom, “We will cross the bridge when we come to it.”
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