7 Ways to Start Sexual Communication and Overcome the Difficulties You Face

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Expertise: Relationship & Marriage Advice

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Updated: 25 Aug, 2022

Table of Contents

Understand that both genders respond and think differently, so approach intimacy with patience and open dialogue to feel seen and connected.
Identify what’s bothering you by taking quiet time to reflect on frustrations, then share them with your partner to find compassionate solutions.
Open up the conversation at a calm moment with the goal of increased intimacy, and keep the dialogue kind and ongoing.

Being intimate with your partner can seem like a created thing but can sometimes be too complicated.

Most couples wonder about why it isn’t easy and why their partners refuse to be on the same frequency as they are. Why is it that married life does not look like a Nicholas Sparks novel and your intimate moments are not steamy enough?

The reply to these questions lies in your sexual communication skills.

It is important for husband and wife to be able to talk about their bedroom affairs and other things openly.

Sometimes it may feel as if you both are worlds apart, but during this time it is important to talk things out.

Without communication, you may miss out the best parts of marriage such as closeness intimacy and the joy. If your love life is good, then don’t forget to appreciate your husband and how he treats you. If things are going downhill then sit down and discuss your problems and take a chance to open up a sexual conversation.

Mentioned below are 7 ways to get started

1. Understand that both genders respond and think differently

Even though male sexuality and thinking are often discussed in our community as a norm but when it comes to women, it is easy to assume that something is wrong with her. The basis of good communication relies on how normal you think the response of you and your partner is.

If the wife does not respond well to her husband, people naturally assume there is something bad about her.

Both partners have different sexual responses; women need time to get in the mood whereas men sometimes get incredibly frustrated.

Understand these responses and communicate accordingly.

2. Find out what’s bothering you

Before you sit down and talk to your partner, spend some time alone figuring out what bothers them and what has gotten them all frustrated.

There might be a sexual problem, the problem in the marriage, time problem or something else. Once you figure out what it is trying to fix it.

It may be difficult for the two of you to figure it out so spend some time clearly thinking about it and then make amends.

3. Own up for your mistake

Own up for your mistake

When sexual problems are concerned most partners refuse to acknowledge their contribution to the problem. It is smart to stand up for the mistakes you’ve made and to acknowledge them even if you think your partner is responsible.

The entire purpose of this communication is to find a solution to the problem arising between you two and moving past it. Avoid blaming one another.

4. Say what you want

This can be very hard, especially for women.

Women think as if it is not ladylike to communicate what level of intimacy they want and this is what gives birth to misunderstanding.

Women like to believe that their men know exactly what they need and so what they actually need keeps floating in their minds, confusing them.

Sometimes men avoid talking about their preferences as they feel it may upset their spouse. This is where everything goes wrong; both partners should have enough level of trust in one another that they are able to communicate openly.

Work on changing your thoughts and gather up the courage to be able to openly discuss the problems in your marriage.

5. Open up the conversation

Choose a time where both of you are not stressed out or worried and start up the conversation.

Let your partner know that the goal of this is increased intimacy and share what you are feeling and thinking. Encourage your partner to do this too.

This step may be too hard for some people, but it will help improve your relationship. Keep in mind that if you don’t communicate then the conversation cannot begin.

6. Keep on going

It is important that once your conversation starts towards intimacy that you let it all out.

Many problems in sexual intimacy do not get fixed overnight and need time in getting solved. Sometimes it can take couples a long while to be able to talk through their problems and have good communication.

The key to fixing these glitches is to let your partner know everything wrong with you two; do not hold up. Be kind instead of being harsh.

Having sexual issues in a relationship is pretty normal. However, it is important that both the partners sit down and discuss these issues.

Communicate openly about things as this will help in strengthening your marriage and be a good foundation for the future. Avoid blaming one another and move forward to having stronger intimacy with kind and honest words.

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Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less

Marriage.com Assessment

What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

My partner says they’re still attracted to me, but we barely have sex anymore. Is this just what long-term relationships turn into?

Anny

This really messed with my head because I always thought attraction = sex. Turns out stress and exhaustion killed our libido more than anything else. It did improve, but not on its own.

James

People say it’s normal, but I don’t think feeling unwanted should just be brushed off as normal. Talking about it was awkward and uncomfortable, but it helped.

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