10 Signs to Identify the Scapegoat Syndrome in Marriage

The scapegoat syndrome in marriage is a psychological phenomenon that can have detrimental effects on relationships. Stemming from the concept of scapegoating in families, this syndrome involves one partner being unfairly blamed or targeted for issues within the marriage.

This article will delve into the 10 signs of scapegoat syndrome in a marriage, shedding light on the destructive patterns and behaviors that can arise when one partner becomes the scapegoat. 

Understanding these signs can help couples identify and address this toxic dynamic, fostering healthier and more harmonious relationships eventually.

What is a scapegoat in a marriage?

In the context of marriage, a scapegoat is a partner who is unfairly blamed, targeted, or made to bear the burden of issues within the relationship. This phenomenon, known as scapegoat syndrome, involves one partner being scapegoated as the source of problems or conflicts, while the other partner remains blameless.

Scapegoating in families can also be extended to the marital relationship, leading to harmful dynamics and behaviors. 

Some scapegoat examples in marriage may include constant criticism, emotional manipulation, and unjust accusations. Recognizing the signs of scapegoat syndrome is crucial in addressing and resolving this damaging dynamic in marriage.

10 signs you are the scapegoat in your marriage

Being the scapegoat in your marriage can leave you feeling unfairly blamed, criticized, and targeted, while your partner remains blameless. Here are 10 signs that you may be the scapegoat in your marriage, based on the scapegoat theory and examples of scapegoating in families:

1. Unfair blame

Rabelani Mulaudzi and other authors, in a study 2022), find that when you are constantly blamed and abused for issues in the marriage, even when they are not your fault, you are a scapegoat in your marriage. 

Your partner may consistently point fingers at you, making you feel solely responsible for all the problems.

2. Emotional manipulation

Your partner uses emotional manipulation tactics to make you feel guilty, ashamed, or inferior. They may use your vulnerabilities against you, attempting to control and manipulate your emotions for their benefit.

Related Reading: 25 Examples of Manipulation in Relationships

3. Constant criticism

Your partner constantly criticizes and belittles you, often in front of others or in a derogatory manner. They may nitpick and find fault with everything you do, leaving you feeling inadequate and devalued.

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4. Isolation

Your partner isolates you from friends, family, or other support systems, making you feel isolated and dependent on them. This can further perpetuate the scapegoating dynamic, as you have limited access to external perspectives or support.

5. Unequal treatment

Your partner treats you differently from other family members or treats you as the “black sheep” of the family. They may show favoritism towards other family members, further reinforcing your role as the scapegoat.

6. Double standards

Your partner holds you to higher standards or unfair expectations, while not holding themselves accountable for similar behaviors. They may have double standards in terms of behavior, responsibilities, or obligations, leaving you feeling unjustly treated.

7. Gaslighting

When there’s scapegoat syndrome in a marriage, a partner gaslights the other one, denying or minimizing their perceptions, feelings, or experiences. They may invalidate your emotions or distort reality, making you question your own sanity and thought process.

Related Reading: 7 Stages of Gaslighting in a Relationship and How to Cope

8. Lack of empathy

In his article, Physician Al Ubaidi (2017) says that your partner lacking empathy toward your feelings, needs, or concerns is a sign of you being a scapegoat. They may dismiss your emotions or be indifferent to your struggles, leaving you feeling unsupported and unheard.

9. Emotional abuse

Your partner engages in emotional abuse towards you, such as yelling, name-calling, or threatening. They may use fear, intimidation, or aggression to maintain control over you and perpetuate the scapegoating dynamic.

10. Low self-esteem

Being the scapegoat in your marriage can lead to a significant impact on your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. You may constantly doubt yourself, feel unworthy, or have low self-confidence due to the consistent negative messaging from your partner.

If you identify with several of these signs, it’s crucial to acknowledge that you may be in an unhealthy dynamic in your marriage. It’s important to prioritize your well-being and take steps to address the scapegoat syndrome. Taking action to address it can lead to healthier and more balanced relationships.

What to do if you are the scapegoat in your marriage?

If you find yourself in the role of the scapegoat in your marriage, it’s important to take steps to address the unhealthy dynamic of scapegoat syndrome. Firstly, recognize that you are not to blame for all the issues in your marriage. Reframe your mindset and avoid internalizing the unfair accusations.

Communicate openly with your partner about how you feel and assertively express your boundaries. Seek support from trusted friends and family. Educate yourself on scapegoating in families and seek professional help to navigate the complex dynamics. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and fairness in your marriage.

Be aware, be mindful!

Being the scapegoat in a marriage can be emotionally exhausting and damaging to one’s well-being. It’s crucial to recognize the signs of scapegoat syndrome. If you find yourself in this role, it’s important to prioritize your mental health and take steps to address the unhealthy dynamic.

Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or a qualified therapist who can offer marriage advice can be a valuable step in navigating the complexities of scapegoating in families. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and fairness, and taking action can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.