Relationship Red Flags: Signs That Your Man Is Cheating

They say that hindsight is 20/20; meaning that when you look back at past situations, problems or their corrective solutions seem to be crystal clear.

Many of us experience this hindsight as we reflect on our past relationships. We look back at them with a clear set of eyes and can see the cracks that would eventually lead to breaks. He did this, or she said that. The reasons that it didn’t work out come into plain sight, when while you were in it, you couldn’t see a thing. They say that love is blind for a reason.

Wouldn’t it be nice to trade hindsight for insight? Having some information that might help you figure out your relationship while your partner is still in front of you and you can do something about it…

Say no more.

The rest of this article will be dedicated to just that. I will be sharing a few signs that the man in your life might be stepping out on you. Being a guy, I’d like to state for the record that most of us are good human beings, but there are always exceptions to the rule.

Below you will find some insights that, if you’re aware enough to see them, can you help you solve the infidelity problems your relationship is facing now, rather than later.

He’s overly private about his cell phone

Everyone has certain levels of comfort when it comes to the content on their phones. It can be a very personal space; filled with pictures, notes, and other things that aren’t for many eyes aside from the owner’s. But if your husband can’t bring himself to let the one person he should trust most in the world–you, his wife–use his phone without sweating, you may want to look into it.

If he has a passcode to lock his phone, that’s not enough to draw up divorce papers, but there could be something there. I have a password to get into my phone, but my wife knows what it is. I have it in place to keep everyone but my wife from getting into it. If they have a passcode, but aren’t willing to share it with you, that’s no good.

His social media game is far too strong

Social media isn’t just a fad anymore, it’s here to stay. Most of us have one or two that we lean on to pass the time when we’re bored. But, depending on the app, they can be dripping with infidelity.

The more social media sites that he belongs to that you aren’t a part of, the more you should worry. If he knows that you aren’t watching to see his posts, he may find the line between appropriate and inappropriate grayer and grayer. If he spends more time on those sites than he does with you, you may want to gently ask why. Also, if your face isn’t anywhere to be found on any of his accounts, that’s a bit suspicious.  

There’s nothing wrong with inquiring or communicating your unease about the situation. If he’s a stand up guy, he’ll do his best to make you understand why he feels the need to Tweet and Snap the day away. If he locks up and gets defensive, there may be more there that you want to keep an eye on.

His routine changes

As your marriage matures, you will undoubtedly get to know each other’s daily routines. My wife could probably write out my day down to the minute at this point; it’s a byproduct of being in each other’s space for so long.

If your husband’s routine starts to drastically change, take notice. He may all of sudden stay at work later, or miss dinner with you for a drink with his buddies. Like I said, you know each other in and out as your marriage progresses, so you will feel the most subtle of differences. Not all of them are threats to your marriage, but a collection of new habits could indicate infidelity on their part.

Just like with the overly private cell phone usage or the social media binging, it’s okay to communicate your unease. In fact, it’s important that you do. If your husband is acting out of the ordinary, bring it to his attention and see how he reacts. He may just be putting in more hours to help support your family. He may be hitting the gym in the morning to spend more time with you at night. By not allowing him to tell you why his routine that you were so sure of has changed, you’ve only got your theories and stories to live with. This will drive you insane. Ask before you accuse.

His interest in you has lessened

If the romance has regressed, it’s worth looking into. If you went from having sex a few times a week to absolutely nothing, it may be because his outlet for pleasure is no longer you. Now, we all know that a marriage’s sex life has its ebbs and flows, so don’t overreact to a subtle change. But be aware if there’s a stark contrast from one week to the next.

His interest in you has increased

Wait, what?

This one may seem counter intuitive, but stay with me. Think about the baseline of your husband’s behavior. You have an idea of how warm and loving he is towards you, don’t you? If all of a sudden he starts showering you with gifts and overdone compliments, he may be trying to make up for his infidelity. He may be doing everything he can to throw you off the scent of the trail that will lead you to finding out that he has been spending time with another woman.

A word of warning though: tread lightly. There’s certainly nothing overtly incriminating to lean on here. It’s just that he seems off. He may just want to spend more time with you or show more appreciation, and the best way to ruin that is to accuse him of cheating. Just keep an eye on the timing of this more affectionate behavior, and be aware of how it changes over time. It could be nothing. But it could definitely be something.

No matter what the sign of infidelity, there’s a chance that you felt it in your gut before even reading this. My biggest piece of advice I can leave you with is to communicate your issues before your thoughts about what could be happening spiral out of control. Your husband committed his life to you and your love, you deserve answers if you have questions. If you have a good man, he will do his best to calm your nerves and make you feel comfortable about the state of your marriage.

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The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less