Should I Get a Divorce? 10 Big Questions to Ask Yourself

When you reach the point in your marriage where questions like ‘should I get a divorce?’ or ‘Is it the right time to get a marital separation?’ keep hovering in your mind, you need to dig deeper to find answers.

But, opting for a separation rather than attempting a reconciliation first can lead to damaging consequences for you and those who are directly related to you. In modern societies, marital separation has become more common.

But does it necessarily mean you have to follow the crowd?

Take time to understand what is the correct decision for your marriage. Read this article to understand the signs your marriage is over and ways to answer the question, “Should I get a divorce?”

5 signs your marriage is headed towards a divorce

Usually, you enter into a marriage to be in it for the rest of your life. However, things can become complicated when you ask, “Is my marriage over?”

If your marriage is headed towards a divorce, you will be able to see certain telltale signs. These signs show that the marriage has failed, where negativity and unhappiness have taken permanent space. Some of these signs are

• Lack of respect
• Lack of effort
• Lack of accountability
• Communication gap
• Deep resentment

Learn more about signs your marriage is headed towards a divorce to know whether filing for divorce is the right option for your marriage. 

10 questions to ask before getting a divorce

Common sense suggests that asking the right questions before getting hooked can make a lot of difference. But the other side of the coin usually needs to be explained.

Then again, it is never too late to mend your mistakes when you notice signs of divorce in a marriage.

Contrary to what you feel, if divorce is still an option you are considering, you need to ask yourself a few questions first before you call it quits.

Following are some frequently asked questions that may cross the minds of spouses taking the next step towards walking away from their marriage vows. 

Learning when to divorce can become more clear once you answer these questions. 

1. Is divorce the only option left for you?

Coming to a decision as difficult as divorce is not easy.

Couples mostly end their marriage when their problems, frustrations, misunderstandings, and unfulfilled expectations have reached the point of no return.

Even then, some couples take a step back to reconsider the decision. It would help if you did the same thing as well.

As soon as the question, ‘should I get a divorce?’ hits your brain, ask yourself, ‘is divorce the last option left for you?’ You never know what your heart will reply.

2. Has winning become the most important?

Knowing your marriage is over can become easier once you assess whether you are both willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the relationship. 

A marriage where the partners are both trying to win in arguments and cannot let go of things for the sake of their partner and the relationship. 

Couples that keep a score of their wins and losses within a relationship usually play a game of comparison that isn’t healthy for the marriage.

Related Reading: How to Win an Argument

3. Do you feel only negative emotions towards your spouse?

If you are looking for a ‘should I get a divorce checklist,’ include in it an assessment of the negativity within the relationship. 

If all you feel are negative emotions towards your partner, it can indicate that the marriage is possibly on the verge of a breakdown. Positive emotions towards your partner and the relationship can give you a chance to overcome marriage problems. 

4. Have you been experiencing abuse in the marriage?

Deciding when to leave a marriage can be confusing and difficult. But the answer can become clearer if there is any form of abuse within the relationship. 

Physical or mental abuse within a relationship can damage a person’s safety and mental health, so these should be treated as serious concerns 

Related Reading: What Is Abuse Understanding What It Is And How To Help

5. Have you expressed your concerns to your partner?

If you are wondering “how to know when to divorce, “take the time to ask yourself whether you have made an effort to raise your concerns about the relationship in front of your partner. 

By raising your marital concerns in front of your partner, you allow yourself the chance to sort out the problem. It is only when you have exhausted all your options to solve the issues that divorce is likely to become an undeniable decision. 

Check out this video to learn more about ways to improve your relationship through communication:

6. Do you still love each other?

Love is usually at the foundation of most successful marriages. So, have you stopped and asked yourself whether you still love your partner? 

How do I know if I should get a divorce?

If there is no love in your marriage, it can become very hard for you to revive the relationship. It can make them resentful and impatient with each other. 

Related Reading: 15 Obvious Signs of True Love after Breakup

7. Have you considered all other avenues?

It takes a couple of seconds to sign off the divorce papers and terminate the bond. But marital separation cannot be the only way to stop your pain.

Divorce can always inflate your sufferings rather than ease your agony.

So, you must reconsider your decision and visit all the possible avenues before settling down on divorce. Divorce involves considering whether other options for solving marital issues have been exhausted. 

8. Are you prepared for the financial and emotional stress of divorce?

There is so much that will change once you take different paths to walk through life.

When is it time to get a divorce?

Shouldering responsibilities and taking care of matters single-handedly is likely to take a toll on your emotions, especially when your partner is tending to the duties on your behalf.

Things like paying bills, figuring out taxes for the first time, managing household chores, attending to your kids and keeping track of their activities – the list goes on. 

Remember the ocean of emotions flowing through your eyes when life seems too burdensome and you do not have your spouse to lean on. Are you ready to face all that alone?

9. Will you be truly happier without your partner?

Have you considered living on your own? Do you imagine walking through your life in the complete absence of your partner? Does your partner’s absence terrify you or numb your senses? Do you still get flashes of the best times in your relationship?

Once you decide to stay away from your better half, you need to sit down and envision a life vacant of that one person. It can help you if you are deciding when to divorce. 

10. Are you prepared for how it affects your children?

This question may only apply to some of the couples out there. But those blessed with children need to consider how marital separation affects their lives.

Kids prefer a home with both their parents living in it together.

Having two households and spending time separately with either of the parents is not fun. Research shows divorce is stressful for children, and they are likely to display unpredictable behavior under different circumstances.

Next time when the question, ‘should I get a divorce?’ looms up in your brain, look at your kids and then decide your next step.

Ways divorce counseling can help you

If you’ve been asking yourself when is divorce right, perhaps the problems within your relationship have made you doubt your marriage’s stability. 

Instead of trying to handle things independently, you can make informed decisions to improve things. Consider going for marriage therapy or pre-divorce counseling so that experts can guide you.  

To know more, you can look at ways pre-divorce counseling can help you. 

Some commonly asked questions

Divorce is a big step for most individuals; therefore, it can be confusing whether it is the right decision for you. Answers to certain pressing questions might give you some clarity about this decision.

Can someone become happier after a divorce?

If your marriage is the reason behind the problems and stress in your life, then you might be happier after a divorce. Accepting the end of a marriage might be painful in the beginning, but it can also offer hope to the ones caught in an unhappy marriage. 

In a nutshell

The divorce statistics prevailing in the US can surprise you

Philip Cohen’s article, ‘The Coming Divorce Decline,’ has proved that the divorce rate in the US has dropped by 18 % from 2008 to 2016. The young millennials caused the divorce rate to plummet.

If others are working towards addressing their marital issues to avert situations like divorce, you can do the same as well.

If your mind is in a tug of war about divorce, you can ask yourself the ten questions mentioned above. Otherwise, you can take up the matter with your spouse and family or friends or consult a marriage counselor before stopping by a lawyer’s office.

You will be surprised by the outcome of such consultations.