Divorce is one of the biggest and the toughest decisions that a person can make and when it comes to women it becomes twice as problematic. There are things you have to think of beforehand, and then there are others that you can not avoid no matter what. So, here is a whole set of divorce advice for women who are recently divorced or thinking of signing up for one.
1. It will, usually, take you a long time to recover—and it’s fine
Give yourself some space and let your mind heal from what you have undergone. Don’t push yourself too hard, as that will only make it worse so just relax. Try and go with the flow of what you’ve experienced. Be in control of your life as it comes to you. For additional help, you can join therapy sessions which will help you recover from all the negativity that you are letting your mind feed on.
2. Choose your counsel wisely
Before filing for a divorce, make sure that you choose your attorney/counsel who is well versed in family law. By doing so, you will get a better settlement and will be spared most of the post-divorce problems. Lawyers who happen to be good at what they do will never let you back off and will even settle assets that are complicated due to joint ownership of you and your spouse.
It is a matter of common knowledge, more or less a fact, that 40% of divorce proceedings are about money. So the best divorce advice for women is that you need to get as much information as you can about your joint accounts. This includes all the online passwords of the joint accounts and all the major and minor details of your joint investments. Discuss the details with your attorney and seek their advice on the matter.
4. Figure your future living expenses out
Your top priority should always be your financial well-being. This is because the emotions and the mental stress will eventually lessen and will go away one day but the fulfilment of your expenses is a reality, and you will have to face it today, tomorrow and in the days to come. You should estimate how much will you be needing after the divorce and make sure you ask for it and get it!
5. Anticipate unexpected costs
Always be ready for unpleasant surprises. You may be well-prepared for all the monetary issues that you think you might face, but even then, there are chances of unexpected things popping up at just the wrong time. For instance, your spouse may be able to boot you from their health insurance, leaving you with an additional cost of as much as $1,000 per month. And yes, spouses are known to do that during a divorce. A majority of spouses avoid their financial responsibilities, so the divorce advice for women is to be careful in this matter and make your choices with eyes wide open.
Your motive should be keeping yourself in a position that keeps you protected, and it should never be about harming your ex-spouse. Bad Mouthing your ex or putting up a negative image of them before your children just because of your personal differences is something that is unethical and badly effects children’s psyche.
Even if you are not voicing your point of view and are just typing the hatred on the internet, one day your children will be old enough to read that (if they aren’t already). Also, your spouse might decide to play dirty and use what you wrote online against you. So, avoid making any such mistake in the present which can give you a tough time in the future.
7. Being divorced doesn’t make you incompetent or undesirable
There were times when divorce used to be something people didn’t do or avoided till the last limit, and many people (educated ones inclusive) considered divorced women to be ‘loose’ and ‘scandalous,’ in character but now times have changed. People are more inclined towards providing women with their basic rights.
So, thinking of yourself as someone not worthy of love and respect just because you are a divorcee is an entirely wrong approach towards life and will only push you down into the abyss of self-loathing and experiencing an inferiority complex. And once you get there (in the abyss), there is hardly ever a way back. So, despite what people say or think about you, love yourself.
8. Your kids’ behavior will tell you how they feel about the divorce
Children don’t react to events such as divorce in a good manner. Some might take it normally. However, a majority only act as if they are least bothered. For many kids, it’s as if something broke inside their being. Some will show anger, others will start performing poorly at school, others will stay quiet, and in some severe cases, they fall into bad company and indulge in unhealthy activities such as drug abuse, etc.
There are ways that you can stop such behavior, and that is by keeping things in check. Inform your children’s teacher about the situation so that they record any noticeable change in their behavior and let you know of it as soon as possible. Do not put your children directly in therapy sessions because this way they might end up thinking that the divorce was their fault and it is them who need to change.
9. Divorce can be freeing—and totally worth it
People might stop you from getting a divorce and sometimes they might even be right, but one thing that you should always try and remember is that a thing that’s better than living in a toxic relationship is calling it quits. It will hurt, and it will definitely break your heart to cut a knot that was supposed to stay tied forever, but what matters, in the long run, is your happiness. That’s why anything that emotionally drains or abuses you doesn’t belong in your life.
If that is the case for you too (living in a toxic situation), do not listen to anyone and just make your decision to divorce. You will notice the change that you feel afterwards and believe me you will never regret fleeing from something that was never going to work for you in the first place!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.