Although there are some people who would say that getting a divorce was the best thing for them, there are far more individuals who would admit that it’s a decision that they regret. In fact, according to one published study:
Yet, 50 per cent of divorcees have regrets about their break-up, a study revealed. Researchers found that after the dust settled, 54 per cent experienced second thoughts about whether they had made the right decision, with many realizing they miss or still love their ex-partner. For some, the regrets have been so severe that 42 per cent have had moments where they considered giving their relationship another go, with a large percentage actually making the effort to try again and 21 per cent of those still together now.
However, the reason why lots of divorcees did it is because they didn’t know what other alternatives there were at the time. All they knew was they were problems, they were unhappy and nothing seemed to be getting better. If you can personally relate to these feelings (or you know someone who can), although things may seem bleak right now, healing and restoration within your marriage is possible. If you’re curious to know about how to save a marriage from divorce, here are six things that you should know.
1. Know that every marriage can be saved
Best-selling author Gary Chapman wrote a book Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed. One of the best things about the book is it shares that no matter how damaged a marriage may be, divorce does not have to be the solution; things can be done in order to save it. It’s not easy and it will take a lot of work on the part of both partner’s, but whether it’s an affair or poor communication or financial problems and/or intimacy issues, there are tools that can be implemented in order to get the marriage to a healthy place.
2. Make time for one another
A part of the reason why marriages appear so strong, passionate and wonderful in the beginning of their relationship is because the two people in them are able to focus solely on one another. Family and friends know to give them some space. There are (usually) no kids to tend to. Everything is about focusing on each other.
But then the demands and pressures of life come in and suddenly the couple finds their relationship on the bottom of the priority list. The thing to keep in mind is that you’re only benefiting the rest of your world by making time for your marriage. So, if anything has to “suffer”, make sure that it’s definitely not your relationship. The order of importance should be your marriage, then your kids and then everything else (because if the both of you are fine, your kids will be as well.)
3. Have sex on a regular basis
A wise man once said that good sex in a marriage makes up 10 percent of the marriage while bad sex in a marriage makes up for 90 percent of the marriage. Why? Because the bedroom tends to “set the tone” for the rest of the home. In other words, if there is intimacy there, communication tends to be pretty good elsewhere. Aside from the fact that there are numerous health benefits that comes with it, sex is one of the best ways to express the love that you have for your partner. When it comes to your sex life, don’t look to “have time”. Make sure to make time.
4. It’s important to go for marriage counseling
Unfortunately, many couples only go to see a professional marriage counselor when they are looking for how to save a marriage from divorce. However, by then, there are usually so many problems that need to be addressed that the counselor ends up trying to salvage pieces of the relationship that are just barely hanging on. There are statistics that indicate that a couple’s tendency to file for divorce significantly decreases if they go to see a counselor at least a few times per year. Don’t look at counseling as a “last ditch effort”. Consider it instead to be a staple for your relationship.
5. Have healthy friendships
Your relationships with other people can either affect your marriage in a positive way or infect it in a negative way. That said, although it’s fine to have single friends, it’s imperative to have some healthy married friends too. In fact, try and have at least a few couples in your life who’ve been married 5-10 years longer than you. They can serve as great mentors and provide really helpful advice and insight.
6. Don’t allow divorce to ever be an option
The only way to get a divorce is by deciding to do it. This means that if you and your partner make the decision—the commitment—that divorce is not an option, it won’t be. Marriage isn’t easy, but when the two people in it have made the choice to work through whatever comes, it’s amazing the amount of love, strength and tenacity they discover within one another and their relationship. You can save a marriage from divorce. It’s all about making staying together a goal and breaking apart a non-issue. Ever.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Shellie Warren