How to Prioritize Your Spouse in Marriage: 17 Effective Ways

Managing your priorities becomes more complicated as you enter different stages of your life. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to prioritize your spouse, as they are a significant part of your life.

When dating, you try to balance time with your partner and friends. As newlyweds, you may struggle with whether to give your attention to your spouse or parents. If you have children, your priorities shift once again.

But what if your partner feels they’ve been lost in the shuffle? Should your spouse be your priority? What does it mean to put your spouse first? Let’s understand!

What does it mean to prioritize your spouse?

By definition, a priority is something that takes importance in your life. When you make your spouse a priority, it means you are putting your partner first in a relationship.

Dr. John Gottman, a well-known licensed couples therapist, says

Make small, daily gestures of love and appreciation towards your spouse. These can include compliments, acts of kindness, or simply spending quality time together. By consistently showing your partner that they are a priority, you can strengthen your relationship and deepen your connection.

These are some things that prioritize relationships.

Does a prioritized marriage mean that you have to take a backseat to the wants and needs of your spouse? Not exactly.

It means you are making room for your partner’s needs and desires right alongside your own. After all, as a married couple, you are a team, and teams work together.

Who should come first: Your parents or your spouse?

If you are close to your parents, you have probably spent your life asking them for advice and coming to them with your questions and problems.

It’s great to be close to your parents; they’ve known you much longer than your spouse. So, you may wonder: Should your spouse be your priority over your parents?

Remember that when you marry, the dynamics naturally shift. Your spouse becomes your primary partner in life’s journey, and together, you build a new family unit. 

Of course, it doesn’t diminish the love or respect you have for your parents, but it does mean that your spouse’s needs, privacy, and opinions hold a special place in your decision-making process. 

It’s about finding a balance that respects your roots and the life you are building with your spouse, ensuring your marital relationship thrives in a supportive and understanding environment.

17 ways to make your spouse a priority

You have promised to stand by your partner, and now you are looking for ways to make them feel special, so don’t lose heart. Here are 17 ways that can help you make your spouse a priority.

1. Express gratitude to your spouse

Feel free to start small if you are just learning how to prioritize your spouse. You can make your spouse a priority by going out of your way to express gratitude to them. 

2. Remember the meaning of partnership

Learning how to put your partner first in a relationship isn’t always easy. After all, you likely have other things going on in your life, such as friends, family, and maybe even children.

You can learn how to prioritize your partner over your family by remembering they aren’t just your lover but your partner.

A partner is someone who is working WITH you. It’s a cooperative effort between two people who want to achieve a goal – in this case, having a successful marriage. If you’re not working with your spouse, it probably means you’re working against them, even if you don’t mean to.

3. Notice your partner

Another way you can make your wife a priority is to notice the little things about her. This seems small, but when you prioritize someone, you show them that their concerns are important to you.

When you notice what’s happening in your spouse’s life, you make their happiness and goals a shared experience.

4. Take their side

You can make your spouse a priority by taking their side when they are in a conflict outside of the marriage.

Loyalty is essential to a loving, lasting marriage. Even if you don’t necessarily agree with your spouse on a matter, support them and strive to understand their feelings. Sticking by your spouse shows that you are putting your partner first in a relationship, no matter what.

5. Imagine your future

When figuring out why your spouse should come first, ask yourself what you want your future to look like. Your partner IS your future. When you’re old and grey, it won’t be your kids, parents, or hobbies that will be cuddling up to you at night. 

These are not the things you are sharing an intimate life with. So, instead of getting distracted, work on putting your partner first and solidify your future as a couple.

6. Send them text messages

What does it mean to put your spouse first? It means making them feel special. One tip for how to prioritize your spouse is to text them. And we don’t mean the old “Sending you three smiley faces because I can’t think of anything better to say” texts.

We mean authentic texts. Make your wife a priority by letting her know you think about her throughout the day. Ask her how she’s doing. Tell her you can’t wait to see her when you get home. Make her feel loved.

7. Find a balance

One of the most significant ways to prioritize your spouse is to figure out your work/life balance. Naturally, work will require your attention, but your work distractions should stop when you walk through the front door (or out of your home office.)

Putting your partner first in a relationship can be accomplished if you find a balance that makes sense for your family.

8. Ask their opinion before you make plans

Should you always put your spouse first? Not necessarily, but it is good to come to your husband or wife before making plans. If your friend asks you to go out for the evening, make your wife a priority by asking her first.

Don’t think of it as asking for permission, but rather, being courteous to your partner. Letting her know what you’re thinking of doing for the evening gives her time to make her plans or adjust her schedule accordingly.

9. Understand why your spouse should come first

What does it mean to put your spouse first? It means putting them above your hobbies, friends, and other responsibilities. It may sound harsh. After all, you love your hobbies, friends, and family. 

But understand that putting your partner first in a relationship doesn’t mean neglecting the other things that are important to you. Making your spouse a priority means taking the time to show your spouse they are essential.

10. Make time for real conversations

One great way to make your spouse a priority is by giving them your time. Prioritize your wife by arranging regular date nights and keeping all the distractions such as phone and television away during that time. 

A licensed psychologist and certified coach Silvana Mici says,

Discover your spouse’s love language and make an effort to speak it regularly. Whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, or physical touch, understanding and speaking your partner’s love language can help them feel valued and appreciated.

11. Respect them and their decisions

One of your biggest priorities in marriage should be showing respect. When you respect your partner, you open the door to mutual respect and understanding, uphold healthy boundaries, and work together during the conflict.

12. Make goals together

What does it mean to put your spouse first? It means growing together. Making your partner a priority means coming together and creating goals you can work toward. 

These could be:

• Having a regular date night
• Saving up for a romantic getaway
• Starting a new hobby together

Shared goals ensure that you continue to grow together over time and strengthen your partnership.

13. Stay curious about your partner

One way you can make your spouse a priority is by asking questions about them. The Harvard Gazette reports that staying curious about your spouse is one of the keys to keeping your love alive. Make your wife a priority and strengthen your marriage by staying curious about her.

14. Ask for their opinion

What does it mean to put your spouse first? It means taking the time to ask for their opinion on important matters. Both partners should be involved in big changes affecting the marriage, such as moving, taking a new job, or accepting social plans.

Your priorities in marriage may not be the same as your partner’s. It’s always good to come together as a couple and discuss big plans before making firm decisions. This shows love and respect and is one step in the right direction toward putting your partner first in a relationship.

15. Be willing to sacrifice

Sometimes, putting your partner first in a relationship means you must cancel plans or sacrifice your free time to be there for them. Make your wife a priority by showing her that you will always be there for her, no matter what.

16. Celebrate their achievements and support their goals

Making your spouse a priority means being their biggest fan. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and show genuine interest and support for their goals and ambitions. 

Such encouragement not only boosts their confidence but also strengthens the bond between you, as it shows you’re invested in their happiness and future. 

By celebrating their achievements and supporting their dreams, you reinforce the idea that you’re partners in every aspect of life, working together toward mutual success and fulfillment.

Check out this episode of Relationship Theory, where Tom and Lisa reveal the secret code they use to support and encourage each other’s personal growth:

17. Practice patience and understanding

In any relationship, especially marriage, patience and understanding are crucial. Prioritizing your spouse means making an effort to understand their perspective, even when it differs from yours. It involves being patient with their faults and recognizing that everyone has bad days. 

By showing patience and striving to understand your partner’s feelings and actions, you create a safe and supportive environment for both of you to grow and manage life’s challenges together. This approach encourages a deeper connection and mutual respect, which are essential for a lasting and loving marriage.

FAQs

Prioritizing relationships can be complex. Here are answers to some frequently asked questions on the topic:

• Is it healthy to prioritize your partner?

Yes, prioritizing your partner enables a strong, supportive relationship, enhancing emotional connectivity and mutual respect. A healthy partnership needs to show your commitment and value your shared life together without neglecting your personal well-being or other meaningful relationships.

• Should your spouse be your first priority?

Making your spouse your first priority strengthens your marital bond, promotes mutual respect, and nurtures a lasting, loving relationship. It signifies the importance of your partnership in daily life and decision-making, balancing this with personal and familial responsibilities.

• What do you do when your wife doesn’t make you a priority?

Communicate openly about your feelings and concerns. Discuss the importance of prioritizing each other in the relationship. Seek to understand any underlying issues or conflicts and work together on solutions to ensure both partners feel valued and important.

• Who should be the priority after marriage?

After marriage, your spouse generally becomes your top priority, symbolizing the commitment and partnership you’ve agreed to nurture. This doesn’t mean neglecting other relationships but rather balancing them with the primary focus on supporting and building a life with your partner.

To sum up

Putting your partner first in a relationship isn’t always easy, but when you make your spouse a priority, you show them that you love and respect them. Should you always put your spouse first, or should your spouse be your first priority? If you treasure your marriage, then yes.

Show your partner they are essential to you by communicating regularly, making time for real conversations, and looking for little ways to make their day.

Silvana Mici adds,

Overall, making your spouse a priority involves being attentive, affectionate, and empathetic towards their needs and feelings. It’s about consistently showing love, appreciation, and support in both big gestures and everyday moments.

Always remember, a prioritized marriage is a happy marriage. Putting your spouse first in a marriage isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less