Newlyweds, this word conjures up images of two people snuggling on the sofa with a mug of coffee in their hands playing a game of “Guess who cooks” and ending their day with library books long overdue under the apple tree.
However, the reality is far from this; also most houses do not come with an apple tree but do have a mouldy basement. Realities of married life are a lot different than what is popularly propagated.
To have a blissful marriage it is important to set priorities in order before commencing your life together.
Here’s a checklist of priorities that newlyweds must consider to establish a healthy and long-standing relationship.
1. Do something special together
This, in simple words, means to create a shared activity. Basically, this is an idea that couples must get proactive about forming a proper culture after marriage that is their own and is incredibly unique. All of us spend our entire life focusing on creating our identity through our family and its origin.
Then, one day we suddenly decide to get married and grasp onto a new identity. It is advised to couples that they start to have a thing for themselves.
This thing can be a ritual such as Sunday morning hikes or cultivating certain values like hospitality and generosity.
Sometimes it can be agreeing on a dream together and working towards achieving it such as a 5-year anniversary trip to Atlanta or Egypt.
However, in order to get a thing together you must be aware of your partner’s fears, hopes and doubts, you must have a focus on your vision, and you will have to make sacrifices.
Having a thing is fun and also an easy thing to prioritize.
2. Fight Fair
This means managing conflicts and arguments that arise. There is a reason why poets and songwriters are attracted to images of a carefree Saturday morning rather than a stress-filled Sunday. Conflicts and arguments are not poetic, but this does not mean that they cannot be done artfully.
It is important that couples realize that argument is inevitable; the sooner they come in terms with this realization, the better.
When couples work hard with one another and understand the backbone and anatomy of their argument, they are able to establish a healthy pattern of reliability. This can help in securing the foundation of their marriage in the long haul.
So fight fair, realize your mistakes and apologize when you are wrong. Fighting fair is not fun but is more intimate and must be a priority for the first year and more years to come.
3. Collect resources
This is a priority that goes without saying. Once you get married, it is a good idea to collect resources such as a therapist, a financial advisor and more.
Make sure you know your neighbor, take cooking classes, and visit the community library. Basically, try to get to know every resource available to your and in your community.
Marriages do not exist in a vacuum, and you must know where, how and when to give and take help; your community can help you out easily.
This is important when the honeymoon phase fades away, and you enter the “We’ve been married for so long, what do we do now?”.
4. No regrets
With all the above considerations, this priority may seem odd. Marriage is hard work and is a long commitment; as time passes, you are bound to make mistakes. Having regrets is normal.
However, regret is not okay, hearing things like “I missed the warning signs” or “We should not have married in the first place”- this is not okay.
Don’t miss the warning signs, keep your eyes open all the time and don’t regret your decision. Make sure that your relationship gets the scrutiny it needs.
Keep in mind that the success of your marriage depends on you and your spouse together. Once you have established your priorities, you both must protect them and abide by them. Make the changes you need, avoid things that upset your spouse and sacrifice and compromise when needed.
Try to rearrange your priorities when there is a need and make your marriage work when times get hard. Depend on one another, take help from therapy and don’t push one another away when things get hard.
Remember that throwing a towel in your marriage is easy but making it work is a much better and happier decision.