After a lifetime of disappointing men, questionable choices and broken hearts, it’s tempting to want to give up on love forever. But no matter how many times our hearts have been shattered, the truth is that all women desire to fall in love and marry that one man who will love and treasure them for the rest of their lives. If you are searching for love and are actively dating (or new on the dating scene), then these tips and advice will surely help you find the man of your dreams. Just keep the faith and keep looking.
Before the Date
Spend some time on your online dating profile
If you’ve ever been on a dating site, and found one GREAT profile and another with virtually no information, who would you write to first?
Consider this: “I’m nice, smart, kind, warm and family-oriented. I like hiking, biking, movies, travelling and listening to music. I’m looking for my best friend, lover and partner in crime for a lifetime of love and laughter.”
If you think this can cut it for you, then think again. This is an awfully bland profile that will give no man a compelling reason to write to you. What you will receive is a an awfully long list of bland replies that you will later dismiss as unimaginative and boring.
Now, consider this: “Some people fantasize about what they’ll buy when they get rich. Or how happy they would be then. But for me, making sweet potato pancakes always works. I could pamper you with this delicious treat or take sexy pics for your eyes only. Long ago, I realised that ambition without giving is empty. So, I invest a good amount of time with my family, whom I adore very much. As my own boss, I’ve negotiated an awesome deal with myself that allows me to pack my bags and take a 4-6 week off in a year. Sounds sweet, doesn’t it? So far, I’ve covered most of UK, Europe, Japan and some parts of India.
If there’s one thing that people think about me is that I’m delighted easily. I’m also a big believer in the fact that inspirational love is very much possible today. If you agree, then send me a message. And yeah, the pancakes will come before the pics”
Quality men care about what you have to say. Remember, it’s not just about the looks.
Get to know someone first
Imagine this. You go to Tinder and swipe right a bunch of guys, solely based on their looks. They do the same and it’s a Match! He sends you one text and you agree to meet up with him. Turns out he’s an absolute time-waster.
Don’t you think you could see this coming if you let him text/ email you for a few days? Or if you spoke to him over the phone? The reason why dating does not work for most women is not because they’re moving too slow. It’s because they’re moving too fast! Get to know the guy before, spend some time knowing what he’s all about and save yourself some trouble.
During the Date
Know the first date rule
So, what exactly are you to do on a first date? Some ‘’ádvisers’’ suggest that if you’re looking for marriage and children, you should put that on the table right from Day 1. If your “honesty” scares him off, then he’s not the guy for you, right? WRONG!
Do you know what first dates are actually meant for? It’s for fun! Giving all this information away will only make you seem needy and desperate. If you turn away from the normal convention of first dates and use it to test the man for husband, fathering and earning potential, it’s no surprise that he’s not going to appreciate that. Of course, you need to be honest about the fact that you’re looking for a serious relationship; in fact he may also be looking for that. But by stating things too soon, you may scare away a good man who IS ready for a relationship and marriage. So, practice the golden rule of never getting too heavy on the first date.
Know what a man expects
Simply put, a man expects to have a good time on a date. This translates as no stress, no drama, no peppering him with a million questions with someone who is enjoyable company. This means the woman must not complain, must not display any negativity and exhibit a strong willingness to laugh and be friendly. If he pays for the date at the end, he expects to have his efforts acknowledged and appreciated. A man also likes a woman who put some effort into her appearance prior to going out; this implies that the event is ‘special’ to her.
Check what you say and how you treat him
Do not speak about you ex if it’s not called for or make comparisons. If you cannot do that and bring him up time and again, then your date is just going to assume you’re not over past issues.
Also, you may have been burned by men a number of times before, but that does not give you the licence to treat a new guy like a common criminal. If you’re attitude is:
I am not going to trust you. I will collect as much information as I can about you before I invest any emotion in you. All men are players and heart-breakers.
Remember, you are dating to find yourself a man who is genuine, committed and ready for a real relationship that would culminate into marriage. If you believe all men out there are not worth your time, then achieving this task will be all the more challenging for you. Of course, there are men who are players and time-wasters but there are also quality men who are looking to commit themselves to a relationship. You need to trust that good men exist.
Do not be critical or boss around them
Sure, that’s how you may be expected to be in the office. But what works in the office and makes you successful at work is not going to be effective in finding love. Alpha males don’t usually want alpha females. After a long day at work, men like to get back to a soft place to land. So, don’t be that critical interrogator and do show him that feminine side of yours.
At the end of it, make sure to have lots of fun while dating. Keep the conversation light; if you like him and want to see him again and make something out of this relationship, then follow the above advice and let the relationship take its organic pace to shape up and grow.
After the date
Do not expect too much
So the date was great; there was lots of chemistry, sexual attraction, good conversation and you both felt this could lead to something. Congratulations! This is great news. However, you may want to pause here, step back and let the man take control now. If he wants to have a relationship and take this to the next level, he will let you know by making efforts. All you have to do is NOT make him the center of everything or even get your hopes up too high. Focus on your work, friends and your hobbies. Continue to date others as well, as this is the stage when you know that you are not exclusively seeing him.
Remember that men reveal themselves in their efforts. They won’t always know where a relationship is going. You must be patient and allow him to choose you. If you start dating exclusively, then do not pressure him too soon about marriage. This invariably backfires as men don’t like receiving pressure. It makes you look weak (like you’re not in control) and doesn’t make him want to commit to you. Commitment is a great goal; let him want to commit to you (and not the other way round).
Chemistry can be misleading
If you think chemistry is the deal-breaker, then you’re wrong! Especially if you have a history of making inappropriate choices, then this is an important myth to dispel from your mind. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers if you give those relationships a chance to develop. It’s also important to know that, chemistry is also what allows you to overlook a man’s biggest flaws. So, don’t ride on chemistry alone.
Do not go to bed with them
This is a big no-no. Most guys these days think that it’s okay to go to bed on the third date. In fact, they expect the woman to be okay about it. DO NOT make this mistake. Make sure that you are in an exclusive relationship first and that he plans to marry you before you sleep with him. Don’t be surprised if 60% of guys don’t follow up after sex. Wouldn’t that be heartbreaking and shattering? Always bear in mind that you are in control about physical intimacy, not him. So stop sleeping with men if you can’t handle the consequences.
Get rid of him if you see red flags
Men exhibit way too many red flags; it’s we who choose to ignore them. If deep down you have a nagging feeling that something just isn’t right, then you should not brush it off. While red flags often come in the more obvious forms (verbally abusive, physically aggressive, etc) it’s the subtle ones that we miss.
Here are 5 red flags that you must NEVER ignore:
1. He is not emotionally invested in you: Go with your intuition. If you think he’s not emotionally invested, there is a good chance he’s not. Texting but never bothering to call is a sign that he’s just not that into you. Don’t ignore it.
2. He talks about changing you: Changing a little things, such as a negative attitude into a positive one, can do a lot for a relationship. But, you cannot change a personality.
3. He has a big ego and can’t apologize: Apologies demand that you keep your ego aside. They’re all about acknowledging your partner’s feeling and validating them; there’s no right or wrong here. If a man can’t do it, then he should not be worth your time.
4. He expects you to do all the work: For a relationship to work, both sides have to invest. If he expects you to plan dates, prepare things and basically do all the work, then that’s a red flag.
5. He’s uncaring towards you: If his remarks hurt you, he does not seem to care that you feel isolated in the relationship or his sense of humor is demeaning, then there’s a clear pattern. Treating a woman badly is a clear expression about how a man feels towards a woman. If he treats you badly, then recognize this red flag and get rid of him.
Men mostly are like an enigma for women (and vice-versa). But keep things simple – have fun dating, trust your instincts and be patient about understanding a man. Always stay cautious and take your time in finding true love. You never know – the new guy may just prove to you that not all men are the same.