Marriage.com brings some of the best tried and tested marriage advice for women to keep their marriage smooth (and less difficult). Every woman no matter how career-driven and independent, at some point dreams of finding the right partner to get married to, eventually. The obvious reason behind this is a need for companionship, of course, it could also be because how marriages are projected in popular literature and cinemas.
Marriage is propagated as the ‘happily-ever-after,’ something that makes everything fall into place. While yes, finding someone you love and vowing to spend a lifetime with that person is something to celebrate, but marriage is not a magical solution to all your problems, not even your relationship problems with your partner for that matter.
Marriage is a commitment where you promise to stay with your spouse through thick and thin. This is not to say that marriages are devoid of happiness, it’s just that turning marriage into a happy one requires time and effort.
A lot of women, if not all, have skewed perceptions about marriage. Attributing to the pop culture, the concept of marriage has been romanticized too much, which takes away from the crucial things that need consideration. Some women have a tough time navigating through marriage and its challenges.
Here is a list of some marriage advice for women that can help them have realistic expectations and a happier and fulfilling relationship with their spouse-
1. Learn to communicate in a healthy way
Something as basic as communication which comes so naturally doesn’t seem like something you need to learn afresh. But, there are certain things that aren’t taught to many which are extremely important to sustain a happy relationship. When everything is well between you and your partner, your communication will seem impediment-free and effortless, it is when your relationship lands in choppy waters you will need to be careful with how you communicate with your partner. Here are some marriage tips for women that can help them communicate more effectively-
Saying ‘I’m fine’ when you are clearly not
A lot of women are guilty of this. When their spouses do something that blows their lid off, instead of confronting them, they keep quiet and expect them to figure out themselves what they did wrong. Men generally are very straightforward, when they sense that their spouse is mad at them, they ask them the reason. To this, women reply with ‘I’m fine’ and expect their spouse to know what happened. In this situation, a communication gap sneaks in which transpires into a big spat. Men either take the ‘I’m fine’ at the face value or they pursue their partner to break their silence and explain what really happened. In both the situations, the resentment keeps building up because women feel hurt that their partner made them feel bad about something and did not even realize what it was.
Saying ‘I’m fine’ when you are not fine is a toxic communication practice and should be avoided. If you feel hurt or your partner did something that made you feel bad, communicate that to them.
These days both men and women go out and work outside their homes to earn, but when it comes to the division of chores, men and women do not contribute equally in household work. A survey suggests that women devote more time to chores than men, which typically ensues some resentment in the relationship.
Men, when they forget to fulfill their share of chores, say for instance-taking out the trash or fixing a bulb, it makes their partner angry. This anger surfaces in the form of passive aggression. Women try to get back at their partner with passive aggression. For instance- ‘The kitchen stinks but who cares about the trash?’ Or ‘the basement is pitch dark but who needs a light bulb when there’s a torch.’
What this does is makes the husband defensive and further aggravates the matter. A better approach is, rather than being passive aggressive, stating clearly that he has made this mistake and how this is making you feel.
Use this sentence stem in this situation-
When you (blank) I feel (blank), in the future will you (blank).
When you (forget to take the trash out) I feel (angry), in the future will you (remember to take the trash out?)
This way you will be able to make your partner realize what he did without putting him on a defense mode. You will also be able to express your feelings.
Reiterating your partner’s mistakes in conflicts
Digging up past conflicts amidst arguments is not one of the healthiest things to do in a relationship. Let the past remain in the past. When there is an argument, and your partner accuses you of something, do not bring up your partner’s old mistakes. Once you forgive your partner, bury the hatchet and never mention it again. Bringing up the past mistakes in arguments can lead to forming a bad habit of keeping scores in the relationship. If one partner reiterates the other’s past mistake in a tiff, then the other will also do the same. When both the partners keep a mental list of each other’s mistakes, it becomes a scorekeeping game. Not just that, holding on to each other’s mistakes also means holding on to the pain that was caused at that time which builds unnecessary resentment.
2. Give due importance to sexual intimacy
Most couples experience a steamy sex life at the beginning of a relationship, but with time the passion fades and so does the desire to keep sex exciting, especially for women. For long-married couples, sex can become a chore, but what they don’t understand is that they are undermining the power of sex and its effects on a relationship. A study revealed that sex could boost long-term relationship satisfaction. Here are some marriage tips for women to improve their sex life-
Indulge in foreplay
At the beginning of a relationship, couples make an effort to seduce each other by engaging in foreplay and paying attention to each other’s pleasure points. Women invest in racy lingerie and men keep themselves groomed. When having sex, both partners try to please each other. But as time goes by sex becomes routine and the purpose of sex shifts from pleasing each other to climaxing themselves. This diminishes the excitement derived from the prospect of having sex with each other because you don’t necessarily need a partner to climax!
It’s important to be giving and selfless to have pleasurable sex with your partner in the long term. Focus on pleasing your partner, engage in foreplay and not just the act of intercourse.
Give room to fantasy and experimentation
When your relationship is new, having exciting sex is effortless. But as you get used to having sex with each other, the thrill will plummet, no matter how high libidos both of the partners have. A survey suggests the sex stays interesting for only one year in a relationship.
But regular sex is important for the wellbeing of a long-term relationship. So how do you keep sex exciting? By experimenting in your bedroom!
Discuss your kinks with your partner and agree on doing something out of your routine to stir things up in the bedroom. You can purchases sex toys to make your sex more pleasurable. You can also play sex games to set the temperatures soaring in the sack.
3. Don’t keep the financial aspects of your marriage on the back burner
Financial harmony is not the key to marital harmony. However, smooth money management does solve a lot of household problems. If there are financial conflicts between a couple, it seeps down deep into the relationship causing loss of connection, intimacy, and communication. Studies show that money is a leading cause of stress in relationships.
Women especially need to know the importance of finances, because they are love shopping and are more likely to make impulse purchases. To prevent monetary challenges from wrecking your relationship here is some financial marriage advice for women-
A clear understanding of household finances
Women who are not a part of the economy’s workforce or those who have completely entrusted their spouses for their household finances must take initiative to understand the finances. Even if your spouse is the one who saves and invests your money and takes major purchase decision you must know how the finances are being managed. This will give you an insight on what amount of money is being spent, what is being saved and how are you doing financially. If you have knowledge about your financial standing you will be able to curb your impulse purchases. This, in turn, will reduce conflicts caused by monetary issues between you and your partner.
Set financial goals with your partner
To avoid differences with your partner on financial matters try setting mutually decided financial goals. For instance, say you and your partner want to purchase a house. You can decide on a plan together about how you can save for the house and simultaneously take care of the household expenses. This way both the partners are in the loop of how the money will be managed till the financial goal is fulfilled and there will be no conflicts about the money spent. There will be no room for resentment from unmatched spending habits.
4. Value yourself before anyone else
To have a good relationship with your partner you need to have a great relationship with yourself. If you don’t love yourself and are insecure, no amount of validation, reassurance, and attention from your partner can help you.
Women especially are faced with unrealistic standards when it comes to contributing to chores, looking and behaving a certain way in a relationship. This sometimes skews their perceptions about themselves and lowers their self-esteem. This not only makes them miserable but also affects their relationship negatively. Here is some marriage advice for women who suffer from low self-esteem-
Don’t become too dependent on your partner
People with low self-worth look up to their partner for validation for everything they do. They become so dependent on their partners that they lose the confidence to take decisions on the most trivial matters. What this does is it weakens their self-image and makes them feel incomplete without their partner. Their relationship becomes their identity and they lose aspirations, dreams, and goals pertaining to themselves.
This dependency creates undue, unwarranted pressure on the relationship and the dependent person is set out to experience constant disappointment.
Don’t set yourself up for poor treatment
When you give your partner the right to take all your decisions and can’t function without his validation, you give him the power to walk all over you. The foundation of a relationship is respect, and it’s your right to expect respect from your partner. But, when you are don’t respect yourself enough, you think you deserve less and let your partner get away with treating you poorly. It starts with small instances, but if you don’t stand up for yourself, you continue receiving poor treatment. Eventually, you would find yourself amidst constant criticism, negativity, neglect and maybe even abuse! It is important to value yourself and set boundaries; it will keep you as well as your relationship healthy.
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Don’t stifle your partner
Even if your partner is someone who wouldn’t ever disrespect you under any circumstance, your codependent behavior can still sabotage your relationship. Your constant need for validation and reassurance can suffocate your partner. If your partner is someone who likes to socialize and has hobbies, someone who has a life outside of a relationship, having a codependent partner can make him feel stifled. Unless you are happy with yourself, you cannot make your partner happy.
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These are some of the best marriage advice for women out there. Adhere to these and a happy married life is sure to follow.