Hardly anyone ever got married without getting some funny advice for newlyweds – or hundreds of them. And while they are great for easing the tension of wedding preparations, we rarely consider them relevant guidelines for married life. Yet, one should not discard these pearls of folk wisdom so easily, as they often hide very important subjects for any relationship to thrive. Here are few such pieces of advice.
1. Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.
We all heard the first part of this funny advice, and we’ve heard it so many times that we consider it a cliché. And rare are those married couples who go by it. It’s a good advice, but if you only listen to the part where spouses are not to go to bed angry, you might feel the compulsion to make things right quickly (as you’re getting really sleepy and just need to get some rest). You might do it by yielding to unreasonable requests, by sweeping problems under the rug, or something of that sort.
And although the original advice also does not condone such behavior but implies that we’re to resolve our issues, one might miss this unspoken part of the guidance for the married. This is where the funny version steps in and reveals that we are to actually talk about what caused the anger.
Now, on the other hand, you should definitely not fight all night, but talk constructively and assertively about the issues that are causing the trouble in your marriage. Every newly wedded couple should find ways to develop their communication skills as soon as in the first days of their shared life. There is not a single more important thing in a marriage than healthy communication.
2. Women won’t start an argument with a man if he’s cleaning.
Although many women might agree with this piece of funny advice, that isn’t the reason why this advice is on our list. What this intelligent observation turned into a humorous party line tells us is what too many marriages fall apart over. It’s not the man not doing his chores. It’s the possible level of (dis)respect towards one’s wife and her time and effort.
Men are raised not to be bothered by house chores in most cultures. And women are raised to turn the blind eye to such habit of her husband. However, modern society changes this perspective, and women are starting to feel that their time should be valued equally as a man’s. Which is why they do get frustrated with a husband who just doesn’t help out around the house. So, this advice teaches us that the key to happiness in married life is, among many other things, being respectful and equal in marriage. Both men and women should abide by this rule. For brides, that translates into not treating your husband as a child, and for grooms, into considering how much time and effort your wife puts into keeping your home in order.
3. Never hate each other’s guts at the same time.
Although, as many other comical approaches to marriage, this recommendation paints rather gloomy picture of what married life looks like, it is a piece of advice newlyweds should consider. You should not hate each other’s guts, that’s the part of the advice you shouldn’t take. But, it is only natural to experience a range of emotions for your spouse during your marriage, and resentment and anger being a part of that emotional array.
Many couples fear anger and arguments. Some people consider an argument to be a sign of two people disliking each other, growing colder, or just being incompatible. However, having negative feelings about your life partner is a normal thing, and no one ever said that you should always feel but a pure love for them. Being angry and resentful is normal, and although it can be transformed into pathological hate, these feelings should be addressed, not avoided.
And what this advice teaches us is that the key to a successful marriage is to learn how to let go of the rage, and to remember that you do love this person, even when they make you mad. Furthermore, when you do fight, and you surely will, one of you should always find a way to crack that armor and mend the damage. Don’t ever let resentment go on for too long, and if it does, when you notice this, be the one who will not hate your spouse’s guts.