Comical Advice for the Newlywed Couple

Comical Advice for the Newlywed Couple

You did it! You stood up at the altar, exchanged vows in front of your loved ones, and sealed it with a kiss. You are officially married.

Now what?!

Although the transition from bride and groom to husband and wife may seem like a simple step, it’s not as easy as you think. The high of the wedding makes you feel fabulous. The titles of husband and wife do a pretty good job of bringing you back down to earth. But fear not! As you come back down and put your feet on the ground, you’ll realize that the life you’ve now committed yourself to can have its fair share of laughs. Here are some things you can keep an eye out for:

Refereeing the in-laws

There’s going to be this strange, unspoken competition between you and your spouse’s parents as you begin your lives as newlyweds. You’ll feel this awkward tension at events that they both take part in, and you probably won’t know why that is. Well, simply put: your parents are trying to win the crown of the best pair of parents by getting you married. Some situations are civil, and others are downright uncomfortable.

Here’s what you can do: use your power to leverage the upper hand and gain some control if the situation becomes too dire. Tell each side of the family that if they want to see their grandkids, they better start playing nice. It’s amazing what your parents and your spouse’s parents will do for their potential grandkids. Play this card early and often to settle the score between the two sides of the family and bring peace to the situation.

Work together to come up with proper bathroom etiquette

After the wedding bells are done ringing, don’t be too surprised if the bathroom door no longer stays closed or if the counter suddenly is covered with used dental floss and stray beard hairs. As much as we’d like to say that it’s not the case, up until the point that two people get married, they’re still in “audition” mode. They want to please each other and maintain proper etiquette for living together.

But all bets are off once you arrive back home with the same last name. To be proactive, it might be a good idea to sit down and negotiate proper terms of engagement in the bathroom. Should the door remain closed if someone is using the bathroom? Should the man clean up every loose hair after trimming his beard? Should the woman keep her tampons out of sight? You’re going to be living together for (what you hope to be) the rest of your lives. Keep the Porcelain Sanctuary top of mind when trying to figure out how to navigate that life in the happiest way possible.

The older you get, the more fun you’ll need

Remember when you guys first started dating and you could’ve just watched TV for hours and be content? That time was spent with someone you loved, so it didn’t matter if it was Friends or The Office on in the background; what really mattered was spending quality time together. The novelty of this type of romantic evening wears thin quickly. As you enter into your years of wedded bliss, be more intentional about how you and your partner are having fun.

Mix it up and go out for drinks on a school night. Go on a spontaneous 3-day vacation or a road trip. Play a board game that you both loved as kids, but haven’t played in years. Have sex in a public bathroom. Yeah, I said it! The point is that you need to try and keep things fresh. Don’t let your love life get stagnant because you’ve let the dent in the couch get so deep that you can’t get out. Do something crazy and keep yourself crazy in love!

Congrats, you’re rich!

Top 3 moments from my wedding:

  1. Watching my wife walk down this majestic staircase and make her way to me at the start of our ceremony.
  2. My first dance with my wife.
  3. Opening up all of the wedding cards and gifts after we got home the next day.

Seriously, the day of the wedding was a dream, but it was nice to wake up from that dream with a pile of cash. If you paid for most of your wedding, I’m sure this money will cover some of that cost, but you most likely will still have some left over to play with (if you didn’t overdo it on your big day).

It’s nice to watch that bank account spike suddenly, but be proactive in how you decide to use that money. Sit down with your new spouse and decide where that money should go. It could be used to buy a house, travel the world, or invest in the stock market. Choose whatever option is best for you. But most importantly, choose something. If you and your spouse don’t make a clear choice on how you want to use this pseudo inheritance, you’ll probably just blow the excess cash by overspending at the mall, the grocery store, or hardware store over time. You don’t want to see that cash disappear and not know where it went. Choose wisely!

All jokes aside, the difference between a wedding and a marriage is huge, but enjoy these differences as you settle into married life. It’s a beautiful ride if you’re willing to find the beauty in all the quirks, missteps, and silly mistakes you’ll make. You’ll probably pass gas in front of each other more often or forget to put the seat down, and embarrass each other in public, but laugh it off and keep loving each other.

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