How to Rebuild a Marriage : 10 Tips
Reviewed By
Angela Welch, LMFT
Review Board Member
|
By
Marriage & Family Therapist
Review Board MemberAngela Welch is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor Intern from Valparaiso,IN. She earned her Master of Arts in Marriage and... Read More
Calantha Quinlan, Author
Talented writer Calantha Quinlan explores the human experience with raw honesty and emotional depth. Covers love, relationships, personal growth, and spirituality.
Learn about Our Editorial Process
38.8k Reads
Updated: 23 May, 2023
Marriage is an intimate legal relationship that’s respected all around the world. Trust holds great importance in turning an unhappy marriage into a successful one.
However, building trust and, as a result, making your married life happier requires some investments that both spouses agree upon.
But it’s also to be noted that trust, which lays the foundation of a contented life after marriage, isn’t achieved in days. You need to work for it continuously, especially if your marriage is facing problems. Rebuilding your marriage is where trust plays a vital role.
If you think that your connection with your partner is not as similar as it was before you might need to start thinking about how to rebuild a marriage.
How to rebuild a marriage: 10 Tips
If you’re trying to repair a marriage and looking for a solution to how to rebuild your marriage, here are some steps that can offer some help.
1. Make a commitment
Before you eventually make an effort, it’s crucial to be committed to the cause. Actions are based upon intentions, and thus, for rebuilding a marriage, first, what you intend to do should be made clear, especially to yourself.
It would help if you were clear about what you hope to work on and want to put in the work to rebuild a marriage. Knowing what your goals are, helps you to create a path to achieve them. Your heart needs to be invested in rebuilding what you lost.
2. Remove the obstacles
Another important aspect is to figure out what is hindering your path to a happy marriage.
Mainly, such obstacles occur because sometimes, you might have failed in at least one of these four deterrents necessary in rebuilding your marriage: not forgiving, unfriendly interactions, untrustworthiness, and the doubt of having your trust broken again (feeling betrayed).
So, focus on eliminating those hurdles to build the foundation of a blissful married life. Don’t hesitate to converse with your spouse about such issues.
3. Explore what “Relationship happiness means to both of you”
How would you characterize relationship satisfaction? And more critically, how does your mate characterize relationship satisfaction? While you consider that, consider this: Three things make every relationship joyful. They are:
- love
- trust
- open correspondences
However, even then, no all-inclusive equation or formula for relationship joy exists. It’s an exceedingly altered and highly individual experience for every other person.
For instance, how you characterize bliss and fulfillment in a marriage may be profoundly different concerning your spouse. Things that make you feel loved may not be the same things that make your spouse feel loved.
So, it’s advised that you accept this concept and rediscover what relationship joy means to you and your significant other. Make efforts to know what you both want, and then use that knowledge to strengthen your bond.
4. Adjust your demands
Most marriages experience issues and clashes eventually. Some marital problems and conflicts can be expected and be kept away. Others can’t be predicted and should be managed in time to save the relationship. Rebuilding a broken marriage requires the joint efforts of not one but both partners involved.
When issues and clashes are worked through jointly, they can fortify the adoration in a relationship and give a couple a chance to develop and learn and move to a more significant amount of mutual fulfillment in their marriage.
Perceiving the need to manage issues and strife can help re-establish your marriage as you experience them together.
5. Emphasize on changing yourself, not your partner
Insisting your mate to live according to your specifications doesn’t always work. In the first place, you can’t transform another person. You can change yourself. Furthermore, attempting to mold your mate will create pressure in your relationship and debilitate them from evolving.
Additionally, regardless of whether your mate does change, they wouldn’t feel great about the relationship until you accept changing for them.
If nagging your spouse to change is what made your marriage deteriorate, then rebuild the relationship. It’s pivotal to acknowledge responsibility for your mistakes instead of accusing your spouse and requesting your partner to change.
Start with bringing a positive change in yourself before expecting it from your spouse.
6. Take guidance from the third person
Though it becomes unacceptable to live your married life accompanied by interference from a third person, sometimes, it becomes crucial to ask for advice and help from your loyal friends and family members.
Experienced married couples can help you out with specific issues. Depending on your troubles, you can also seek marriage counseling.
7. Fulfill your partner’s emotional needs
It’s essential to be committed to each other’s needs to rebuild your marriage, whether physical, financial, or emotional.
Everyone has a different perspective regarding love. Sharing emotions, being valued, spending time together, working on your friendship, and sharing experiences are some examples that help strengthen a marriage.
In the video below, Alan Robarge, Attachment Trauma Therapist, discusses what to do when the relationship is not delivering the desired level of emotional requirements of one of the partners.
8. Be clear about what you want out of your marriage
As every couple is different, so is marriage. You need to know what you want from the marriage before you understand how to rebuild a marriage. Some couples want to share visions, life goals, and expectations. Some couples like to lead an individual life and connect in a less dependent way. The dynamics here are entirely dependent on the individuals.
However, the bottom line is to know what you want out of a marriage, you might be looking for something else, and your partner might want something else. It would help if you had a detailed conversation about it.
9. Be friends
The best way on how to rebuild a marriage is to start from the basics. If you think it’s too much for both of you to be romantically involved right now. Try maintaining a healthy friendship. It is said that couples with strong friendships are more likely to be happy with each other.
Try to build a friendly bond with each other first, and then figure out how you want to work on your marriage. Talk to each other about dreams, hopes, goals, and hopes. Make sure that you both are honest and respect each other. Accepting the differences and working towards a better future will make things easy.
10. Ask for professional help
When thinking about how to rebuild a marriage, if nothing works out, look for professional help. Visit a marriage counselor or a psychotherapist. Someone professional can explain why you cannot revive the attachment in your relationship. They can also give you better and personalized advice depending on your issues and disagreements.
Try to be as honest as you can be with your therapist, as you can only rebuild a marriage when you identify the root cause of the problem.
Takeaway
Rebuilding a marriage is possible. However, it’s a lengthy process and will require motivation and patience. The level of trust is also relatively low when a marriage is rebuilt, and even the simplest of mistakes can break it again.
So, ensure you’re committed to the cause and ready to do the work.
Did you find this article helpful?
Expert Q&A
How do you work on rebuilding a long-distance marriage?
Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Expert Answer
Set aside time to connect. Do daily phone calls or video chats at a scheduled time. It's also important to schedule time to visit each other in-person.
Thanks! We'll do our best to answer your question and post it above.
Tips
Tips from our Readers
- Anything is worth sacrificing for someone you once loved, regardless of their mistakes. Always hold on to the moments when they made you happy.
Write your tip or submit a video tip
All tips are reviewed before the publishing.
You are:
>
Share this article on
Calantha Quinlan
Author
Calantha Quinlan is a talented writer with a passion for exploring the depths of the human experience. Her writing is characterized by its raw honesty, emotional depth, and sensitivity to the complexities of life. Calantha’s work... Read more covers a wide range of topics, from love and relationships to personal growth and spirituality. Her writing is known for its ability to inspire readers to live more meaningful and fulfilling lives and to approach challenges with courage and grace. When she’s not writing, Calantha can be found indulging in her love for photography, capturing the beauty of the world through her lens. She also enjoys practicing yoga and meditation, which help her to stay centered and grounded in a busy world. Read less
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
We'd love your feedback!
Expert Q&A
Ask your question related to this topic & get the support you deserve from experts.