Ever wonder if there is a secret code to cracking how your wife’s mind works? That sometimes you are sure she is trying to tell you something but you lack the ability to understand what she is communicating? Do you sometimes wish that women came with a special decoder ring?
No need to stress. Women really aren’t all that complex. Both sexes want the same thing from relationships, they just take different routes to get to their goals. Here is some solid advice you can use to better understand what women want in a relationship:
1. She needs you to be able to show both strength and weakness
Your wife needs to feel that you are her rock, that she can count on you during the tough times, that you will always make her feel safe and protected. At the same time, she also appreciates when you can give her a glimpse of your softer side, your vulnerabilities, your fears and apprehensions. The best marriages are made of this: alternating roles of being the strong partner. So let her in, let her support you when you need supporting. And do the same for her when she is feeling overwhelmed.
2. Love is in the small acts
Hollywood may have you believe that only the grand gestures can convey how much you love your wife. But you don’t need to send a limousine filled with red roses to pick her up at her office on Valentine’s Day to prove this. What truly keeps a woman’s heart happy are the small reminders that she is on your mind: the sweet text sent during the day to say you miss her; the back rub while you are watching television together; a surprise gift card to her favorite coffee place. Ask any happy couple who has been married awhile what the secret is to renewing their love day in and day out, and they will tell you that it’s these little niceties that keep the spark alive.
This goes for both in and out of the bedroom. And you will find that often a great conversation will lead to a great moment between the sheets. Unlike men, women need to feel emotionally bound to their partner to really enjoy sex. A deep discussion where there is an excellent back and forth of opinions can be terrific foreplay. And, once in bed, don’t be shy about continuing the discussion—but have it focused on your mutual physical pleasures rather than, say, politics.
4. Tune into her emotions as well as her words
When you two are deep in discussion, it is important to not only listen to what she is saying, but also to hear the emotions beneath her words. Is she anxious, fatigued, sad, annoyed, frustrated? Or, on the more positive side, is she happy, joyous, giggly and silly? Women’s communication styles include so much more than just the verbal, so be attentive to the emotional messages she is sending out in order to get the big picture of what she is communicating.
5. Fight? Of course, but fight in a healthy way
Every relationship will have its share of conflict. But use these moments as lessons on how to communicate fairly, equitably, and with an openness towards listening to your partner’s side of things. You don’t need to agree with her just to avoid the fight, but do give her time to express her point of view. To show her that you have heard her, repeat back what you have understood. Learning to resolve conflict without walking away is one of the most valuable skills you can acquire and will be important in preserving the health of your relationship.
6. Never let her feel invisible
In the early days of your relationship, you probably couldn’t keep your eyes off of her. It is normal for this urge to diminish as your relationship evolves. But never let your wife feel that you don’t see her. Put down the remote, your cell phone or your tablet when talking together. Look at her when she speaks. Eye contact conveys the message that she is important to you and that you value what she is saying. When she comes home from getting her hair done, tell her what a knockout she is. She’s made an effort to look pretty for you, so let her know you see that.
7. The best relationship will feel effortless, but it still takes work
When you are involved in a relationship that isn’t right for you (or for her), everything seems like a lot of work. Deciding where to go for dinner seems to take too much effort and making weekend plans is plain out exhausting with the wrong person. But when you’ve found “the one,” your relationship is like driving without the brakes on: smooth, effortless and breezy. You do need to work to keep the relationship vibrant and fresh, however, but with the right person, this is the kind of work that is enjoyable.
8. Renew renew renew
Keep your skills and your relationship growing by trying new things together. It could be taking a vacation to an exotic location, or undertaking an out-of-the-ordinary adventure like kayaking or hang-gliding. Relationship experts point to the link of adrenaline rush and increased libido, so think about that when you are preparing for your first surfing lesson together! Not up for something quite so risky? What about enrolling in an adult education class and learning something brand new together? A foreign language, or French cooking…anything that changes things up from your ordinary routine, all while boosting your brain power!
These are just a few tips to improve your relationship with your spouse. A great way to get even more advice? Ask your wife what you can be doing to make your marriage even better. These kinds of check-ins, focused on enhancing your marriage, are always welcome and can be better than using an online translator to understand your partner!