Finding Bliss Through the Trials and Tribulations of Marriage

Madeleine Mason Roantree

Madeleine Mason Roantree, Coach

Expertise: Coach

Madeleine joined The Vida Consultancy as a Dating Coach and Director of Relationship Psychology Services. She has over 15 years of experience in mental health and... Read more

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Updated: 27 Mar, 2023

Table of Contents

Open, honest communication strengthens your bond by naming needs and solving challenges together, so talk about what's working and what's not with care.
Small, consistent efforts matter and show you see each other, so share the load, make time for connection, and notice the little things.
Reignite intimacy by prioritizing time together, being curious about each other's desires, and trying new ways to connect.

Is there anything more beautiful than love? Perhaps not! But, in a committed relationship, it can sometimes be hard to remember some of that beauty stems from the couple putting in the time and effort to make it work.

What if you take the ultimate plunge and put a ring on your finger? Well! It is tough. Sometimes you just need to remind yourself – Why you fell in love in the first place? Why you took that plunge?

Conflict in a marriage is absolutely normal

It is a sign of two strong individuals with sometimes different aspirations and desires coming to terms that, for the sake and the health of their partnership, they must come to a compromise.

Addressing these conflicts can be scary – sometimes you just don’t want to admit that there’s anything wrong – but, as a matchmaker, I can assert with absolute confidence that the key to a strong and healthy marriage is communication. If you’re not happy, tell your partner. It won’t benefit you, them or your marriage as a whole if you let an issue fester.

You may think your spouse doesn’t contribute to chores significantly

It may be that we perceive our spouse to be investing significantly less effort into the relationship. How that ‘effort’ manifests is subject to circumstance: perhaps they are not making the time to have a quality evening together; perhaps they are not supporting your life as an individual as you are supporting them in theirs.

Even seemingly little things add up – are they not helping make dinner? Not popping out to the corner shop for milk even though you’re busy putting the kids to bed? – and can take their toll over time.

Sex may get boring

Similarly, it is well established that monotonous married life can put a strain on what goes on in the bedroom. A stale sex life is generally a sign that things are not going the way either of you would like them to – and often speak volumes about the relationship as a whole.

It may be that one partner’s tastes have changed, or have simply diminished somewhat – and feelings of unattractiveness or undesirability can permeate the mind of the other person.

Children take away from your time together as a couple

Having children will take up a significant portion of your time together, and often you may simply be too tired at the end of the day to be thinking about turning up the heat when the lights go out.

What to do when your marriage isn’t faring too well

Nobody is perfect, and part and parcel of being in a truly loving partnership is accepting that your spouse’s flaws constitute part of their character – the character you fell in love with to begin with. It is entirely natural to diverge somewhat in beliefs, desires, attitudes – but, if you want it work, the best course of action bar none is simply to be honest with each other.

Talk to your spouse about what’s working – and what isn’t. Work through things together, as a team, as a partnership – and you might just be amazed at what a little work – and a great big helping of love – can do for your marriage.

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Madeleine Mason Roantree Coach

Madeleine joined The Vida Consultancy as a Dating Coach and Director of Relationship Psychology Services. She has over 15 years of experience in mental health and psychology, where she is trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Applied Positive Psychology. Holding a BSc and MSc... Read more in psychology, with a published a paper on Social Intelligence from UCL, she brings extensive expertise to Vida. Madeleine is currently undertaking a PhD in Counselling Psychology, focusing on romantic relationships, and is member of the British Psychological Society and the International Positive Psychology Association. Read less

(Madeleine Mason is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in New York City)