10 Things to do You’re Tired of Seeking Attention in Relationship

Do you feel like you’re always seeking attention from your partner and are tired of begging for attention in relationship, or you’re feeling like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, never quite sure when you’ll get the love and attention you deserve? 

It’s a frustrating and exhausting cycle that can leave you feeling unappreciated and unsupported. 

Don’t beg for attention! It’s time to break free from the exhausting cycle of begging for attention and reclaim your power in the relationship. 

In this article, we’ll explore the root causes of attention-seeking behavior and provide you with practical tips to help you build a healthier and more fulfilling relationship with your partner. 

Why do we want attention in relationships?

Feeling seen and heard is a fundamental human need, and it’s no different in romantic relationships. When we feel like we’re getting attention from our partner, it validates our worth and helps us feel more secure.

Attention from our partner can make us feel loved and cared for, which is essential for building a strong emotional connection. Let’s look at the reasons why we crave attention in relationships:

• Result of past trauma

In many cases, attention-seeking behavior is a result of past trauma or neglect. When we don’t receive the attention we need in childhood, we may seek it out in our adult relationships as a way of healing those wounds.

• Lack of attention could make us feel anxious

When we’re not getting enough attention from our partner or feel an overall lack of attention in relationship, it can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. It’s natural to want to feel connected and supported in our relationships, and attention is a key component of that.

Grady Shumway, LMHC, says

Seek balance in your relationship by openly expressing your needs and listening to your partner’s. Prioritizing mutual attention and understanding can nurture a deeper, more secure connection.

• Lack of self-esteem 

Attention-seeking behavior can also be a result of low self-esteem. When we don’t feel good about ourselves, we may try to get validation from others in order to feel better and a lack of attention in the relationship will only aggravate our negative feelings.

• Attention provides validation

When we’re in a relationship, we often make sacrifices and compromises for our partner. Attention from our partner is a way of feeling appreciated and valued for those efforts. 

It can also be a way of feeling important and special to our partner. When we’re getting attention, it reinforces our belief that we’re a priority in our partner’s life.

• Testing partner’s commitment

In some cases, attention-seeking behavior can be a way of testing our partner’s commitment to the relationship. When we feel uncertain about our partner’s feelings, we may seek attention as a way of testing the waters.

• Way of staying connected to partner

Ultimately, attention is an important part of any healthy relationship. It’s a way of showing love and affection, and it helps us feel connected and valued. When we’re not getting enough attention, it’s important to communicate our needs to our partner and work together to find a solution.

5 signs you are begging for attention from your partner

In any relationship, it’s natural to want attention and affection from your partner. But sometimes, we may find ourselves constantly seeking their attention and validation, even to the point of feeling like we’re begging for it. Here are five signs that you may be begging for attention from your partner:

1. You’re always initiating contact

If you’re always the one reaching out to your partner and making plans, it could be a sign that you’re seeking their attention. While it’s normal to take the lead sometimes, if you’re constantly initiating contact, it may be a sign that you’re feeling ignored or undervalued.

Related Reading: 12 Ways to Have an Intimate Conversation With Your Partner

2. You’re always seeking reassurance

Do you constantly ask your partner if they love you or need them to reassure you that they’re committed to the relationship? A study suggests that seeking reassurance can be a sign of insecurity and can sometimes come across as begging for attention.

Grady Shumway adds,

Building self-confidence and trust within yourself can reduce the need for constant reassurance. Trust in your partner and the strength of your relationship to create a more secure and balanced bond.

3. You get upset when your partner doesn’t respond right away

If you find yourself getting upset or angry when your partner doesn’t respond to your messages or calls right away, it may be a sign that you’re seeking their attention. While it’s important to communicate with your partner, it’s also important to give them space and not become overly clingy.

Related Reading: No Response Is a Response: Here’s How to Handle It

4. You change your behavior to get attention

Do you change your personality or behavior to get your partner’s attention? This can be a sign of people-pleasing or seeking external validation, which can be harmful to your self-esteem and the relationship.

5. You feel like you’re always competing for attention

Do you feel like you’re in competition with other people or things for your partner’s attention? This can be a sign of insecurity and may lead to feelings of jealousy or resentment. This shows your desperation and is a clear sign that you are begging for attention.

Related Reading: How to Get His Attention When He Ignores You? 15 Simple Tricks

11 things to do if you’re tired of begging for attention in a relationship 

Being tired of begging for attention in a relationship can lead to further frustration, as you may feel like your partner doesn’t want to be with you. If you find yourself feeling this way, here are 10 things to do if you are tired of begging for attention from husband or wife:

1. Talk to your partner about what you’re feeling

Tired of begging for attention from wife? Try talking to them. It can be tough to communicate our feelings, but it’s important that you do. Discussing what’s going on can help your partner understand and may lead to solutions. 

Asking for attention can be a difficult request, but it’s important that you voice your needs.

Related Reading: 10 Relationship Conversations You Can Have With Your Partner

2. Get rid of any negative self-talk

If you’re starting to believe that your partner doesn’t want to be with you or that you don’t deserve their attention, it can lead to feelings of desperation. Instead, try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. 

Be grateful for the time you spend with your partner, and remind yourself that they are still interested in you.

In the video, Yoga teacher Abria Joseph talks about eliminating negative self-talk:

3. Change your routine

If you are tired of begging for attention, sometimes, all it takes is a change in your daily habits to help us feel more connected to your partners. Perhaps try spending more time alone or scheduling a regular date night. 

If you feel your partner isn’t spending enough time with you or you’re not getting enough attention from wife or husband, suggest alternate activities.

4. Take some time for yourself

Being tired of begging for attention could also mean that you are probably ignoring yourself and your needs in the process of seeking validation from your partner.

If you find that you’re always available to your partner, it can lead to feelings of guilt. Taking some time for yourself will help you recharge and feel more motivated to spend time with your partner in the future. 

For example, go for a walk, read a book, or take some time to yourself to relax.

5. Be selective with your communication

It’s important to be clear and concise when communicating with your partner. Asking for too much at once can be frustrating and lead to misunderstandings. Instead, be clear about what you need and when you want to see it happen.

6. Let go of past relationships

If you find that your relationship is lacking in attention, it can be hard to focus on your current one. Instead of dwelling on the past, try to focus on the present. This will help you to better understand and appreciate your current relationship. Y

You can do so by writing down your thoughts and feelings and refocusing your attention on your partner.

7. Seek professional help

If your relationship is causing significant emotional or physical problems, it may be best to seek professional help. This can help you to understand the root of the issue and create a plan for resolving it. 

A relationship therapist can also provide you with support and guidance during this difficult time as they have experience with similar situations.

8. Self-compassion

Sometimes, it can be difficult to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, especially when you don’t have a partner validating you and you are not getting enough attention in a relationship. Instead, try to practice self-compassion. 

This means forgiving yourself for your mistakes and understanding that everyone makes mistakes. It can be helpful to remember that everyone goes through different stages of growth and change.

9. Don’t take things personally

When something goes wrong in a relationship, it can be easy to take things personally. This can lead to resentment and anger. Instead, try to focus on the facts of the situation. Try to be objective and non-judgmental. 

This will help you to better understand your partner and the situation. 

For example, when your partner says something that you find offensive, try to ask yourself what the objective facts are. Is your partner being rude, or is there a more reasonable explanation?

10. Be tolerant

When we are upset or frustrated, it is easy to be intolerant. This can lead to arguments and conflict. Instead, try to be tolerant of your partner’s feelings. 

This means accepting that they are valid and reasonable. It also means trying to understand why they are feeling the way they do. If you are tired of begging for attention, it may be helpful to try and understand why your partner is not responding in the way that you want. 

11. Respect your partner’s boundaries

It is important to respect your partner’s boundaries. This means understanding their limits and respecting their privacy. 

You might see it as not getting enough attention from your wife or husband but it could also be that your partner doesn’t want to discuss a certain issue with you. Respect their wishes and boundaries, and you will likely be able to have a more productive conversation.

Related Reading: Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship

Commonly asked questions

It is not selfish to ask for attention in relationships. Check out these questions to know more about it:

• Is it selfish to ask for attention?

It’s a natural and healthy aspect of any relationship to seek attention and validation from our partners. It’s important to feel valued, appreciated and loved in a relationship, and seeking attention is one way to meet those needs. 

However, it’s essential to communicate our needs clearly and assertively, set boundaries, and prioritize our own well-being. 

It’s also crucial to recognize that our partners have their own needs and limitations, and finding a balance between our needs and theirs is necessary for a healthy relationship.

• Is wanting attention narcissistic?

Wanting attention in a relationship is not necessarily narcissistic. It’s natural for human beings to desire connection, validation, and love, and seeking attention from our partners is one way to fulfill those needs. 

However, if the desire for attention becomes all-consuming and disregards our partner’s needs, then it could be considered narcissistic. It’s important to recognize and respect our partner’s boundaries and limitations, as well as their need for space and individuality. 

A healthy relationship involves a balance of attention and autonomy, where both partners feel valued and respected.

• What type of personality is attention-seeking?

An attention-seeking personality is someone who constantly seeks validation, affirmation, and recognition from others. They may feel a deep-seated insecurity and a fear of rejection, which drives them to seek attention to feel better about themselves. 

They may also have a need to be the center of attention and may engage in attention-seeking behavior to fulfill this need. 

However, it’s important to note that attention-seeking behavior is not necessarily indicative of a personality disorder or pathology. It’s a natural aspect of human behavior, and we all seek attention and validation to some degree in our lives.

Begging doesn’t suit you

In conclusion, feeling tired of begging for attention from your husband or wife can be frustrating and exhausting. 

However, by communicating your needs clearly and assertively, setting boundaries, prioritizing your well-being, and seeking support, you can shift the dynamic in your relationship and start feeling more fulfilled. 

Remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself and your partner as you navigate this process, and know that you deserve to be valued and loved.

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Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less