17 Signs Your Husband Is Not Attracted to You & What to Do

The greatest tragedy in a relationship isn’t conflict—it’s silence that hides what’s truly wrong.

You notice the small shifts first: fewer compliments, a lack of physical touch, or his growing disinterest in spending time together. Late at night, you can’t help but wonder, “Is my husband not attracted to me anymore? Is it something I did—or didn’t do?”

If these thoughts sound familiar, you’re not alone. Many women quietly wrestle with this uncertainty, questioning if the spark has faded or if they’re overthinking. The truth is, there are subtle but clear signs your husband is not attracted to you, and recognizing them is the first step to finding clarity.

In this article, we’ll explore these signs, tackle the unspoken question of “What should I do if my husband is not attracted to me?” and guide you toward practical solutions to reignite the connection.

Has love really faded, or is he just busy?

It is important to remember that if you are feeling a lack of affection from your husband, he might not have lost attraction for you in the first place. Maybe he is too occupied with other pursuits of life and isn’t able to make the effort he used to.

Or, perhaps he is dealing with a stressful situation at work or a health problem that has made him take a back burner. In this case, the signs your husband is not attracted to you could point to a personal problem with him that could be resolved with a simple conversation.

If you are wondering about the signs your husband is not physically attracted to you, read the red flags below and find out what you can do to keep the love alive, if that’s what you two truly want.

3 common reasons that may lead to unintentional loss of attraction

Understanding why your husband may not feel attracted to you is crucial for navigating your relationship. Various factors can impact attraction, often stemming from external stressors or internal dynamics. 

By recognizing these reasons, you can approach the situation with empathy and insight, paving the way for more effective communication and connection. 

Here are three common reasons that might explain his diminished attraction:

• Stress and overwhelming situations

High levels of stress from work, financial burdens, or personal issues can lead to emotional fatigue, making it difficult for him to connect intimately.

• Communication breakdown

A lack of open communication can create misunderstandings and distance in the relationship, leading to feelings of disconnection and reduced attraction.

• Life changes

Major transitions, such as becoming parents, changing jobs, or moving, can shift relationship dynamics, leaving less room for romance and attraction to flourish.

17 signs your husband is not attracted to you and how to face them

If you find yourself wondering, “Is my husband attracted to me at all?” or “How do I know if my husband is still attracted to me?” chances are that you are worried he’s not into you anymore.

Perhaps you have a non-affectionate husband or are noticing other behaviors that suggest lost attraction to the wife.

Consider the following 17 signs your husband is not attracted to you

1. You rarely talk

You might say “Hey” to each other when passing through the hallway, but when was the last time you two really sat down and talked?

If you can’t remember the last time you had his full attention in a conversation, this is a concern and can be one of the signs your husband doesn’t find you attractive or interesting.

What to do:

Start by asking him about his day. Really listen to his answers and respond by asking questions that lead to further conversation. 

2. He doesn’t state his needs

Being open and honest is crucial. When not, this is one of the most common signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore or probably never was.

On the subject of talking, does he still tell you what his needs are? Marriage requires two people to learn how to take care of each other, but if he is no longer telling you what his needs are, this is trouble.

What to do:

Ask! Start the day by asking what he needs from you that day or if there is something he needs in general that you can help with. The best way to know what our spouses need is to ask.

3. He ignores your needs

When you’re communicating your needs to him, and yet he fails to acknowledge them every time! Does he respond at all, or do you feel he dismisses you?

Being put on the back burner or flat-out ignored could be signs there’s a lack of investment or that a husband has lost attraction to his wife.

What to do:

First, you need to know what your needs are. Without a clear idea of what you are asking for, it will be difficult for him to respond.

You want to state your needs directly and straight to the point. Short, direct, and without accusing is a good way to avoid confusion on what the core need is you want to get across.

4. He is no longer affectionate

A constant lack of affection from him could be one of the signs your husband is not attracted to you.

It is important to know that individuals don’t always have the same need for affection. If your need for affection is higher than his, then it’s likely you may feel he is a non-affectionate husband, when really it’s just a difference in expression.

The real concern is if the relationship lacks any affection, especially if you saw each other as an affectionate couple in the past. If he never hugs you, holds your hand, kisses your cheek, or gently puts his hand on your back, these could be signals his mind is elsewhere.

What to do:

Take inventory. Are you affectionate? Do you gently touch him or offer a hug when you leave one another for the day?

If you find that you may be holding back on the affection or showing more signs your husband is not attracted to you, too, try re-introducing it slowly here and there and see how he responds. 

5. Sex is dead

Has intimacy reached the bottom line in your relationship? Do you look for “Signs my husband is not attracted to me?” You feel “My husband loves me but not sexually.”

It is normal for any long-term couple to decrease the amount they have sex after the honeymoon phase is over, meaning that it’s also common for the time between sexual encounters to grow a little the longer you are together.

But lack of sex is a major sign you two are no longer connected or one of the signs husband doesn’t want you sexually. If you find yourself thinking, “My husband ignores me sexually,” this is another one of the major signs your husband is not attracted to you.

What to do:

Figure out what your sexual need is. Is once a month comfortable for you, or is once a week more like it? Do you know what his ideal amount of sex is?

Try to find a compromise in the middle if it varies. It never hurts to try something new in the bedroom to spark the fire.

Psychologist Mert Şeker says 

All orgasms take place in the brain first. You can adapt your brain to orgasm and thus make your experience with your partner more enjoyable.

For your spouse to desire you, you can change the environment in which you have sex. You can also get sex toys and fancy underwear and become open to different and new experiences.

6. He spends his free time with his friends and never invites you

He used to take you out and show you off, but now his friend time is always solo. It can be one of those subtle signs your husband is not attracted to you.

Having some time with his buddies without you around is nothing to worry about, but if he is spending a lot of time with his crew and you’re no longer invited, pay attention. This could be one of the signs that your husband is not attracted to you.

What to do:

Next time he tells you he has plans or wants to hang out with his friends, ask if you can join him. It’s possible he may not know you want to hang out with them. So, clarify that you would love to catch up with his buddies, too.

7. He looks at his phone more than he looks at you

With cell phones everywhere, we have become used to people having a device in front of their faces; however, if he is constantly looking down at that screen, he can’t look at you.

There is nothing wrong with screen time, but if in every conversation, date, or hangout, the moment there is a screen between you and him, it could be a sign his interest in you is dwindling. This can certainly lead to feeling unwanted by the husband.

What to do:

Suggest and prioritize times when no phones are allowed.

For example, implement a rule there are no phones allowed at the dinner table. Making time for each other without digital distractions can force a conversation that can lead to connection.

8. He doesn’t compliment you

Although physical compliments are great, the lack of them doesn’t always mean he is no longer into you. The question is, does he compliment you at all? About anything?

Even words of encouragement about “silly” things (great job taking out the trash!) can be helpful. The point is you want him to notice and respond positively to you in at least some way.

What to do:

Get the compliments started, even if it’s just telling him the lawn he mowed looks great. Compliments are great ways to break the ice and begin warming up to someone. 

Offering a compliment to him can be a solution if you start to notice signs your husband is not attracted to you.

9. “Quality” time together feels forced

Lack of genuine quality time could be one of the signs of a husband not interested in the wife. It could also be one of the signs he doesn’t want you sexually in his life anymore.

Not making time for you is, of course, an issue, but sometimes even if you have time together, it’s not the quality time you need.

Maybe he keeps up with the date night routine, or you two still do brunch on Sundays, but does that time together feel good? Or does it feel like he can’t wait for it to be over?

If it feels like spending time with you is a chore for him, you might be justified in feeling – “I think these are signs my husband isn’t attracted to me.”

What to do:

If you’re stuck in a routine, shake it up and do something new. If you’ve tried that, then focus on the environment.

For example, taking a long walk together can create an opportunity to connect. Even if the conversation is dragging, enjoying a quiet walk with each other can create calm and a feeling of bonding.

10. He doesn’t share his interests or hobbies with you

If you have been together for years, you may think you know all his interests, but do you? Does he share his thoughts, opinions, or ideas with you? Does he ever mention something he wants to try or learn about?

For example, if he is a sports guy, has he mentioned how his favorite team is performing? If he no longer shares his interests or hobbies, it’s a sign he is distancing himself.

What to do:

You can always ask him, but even better, if you can find something you two can do together.

Maybe he loves horror movies, and you can suggest a marathon night. Perhaps he plays fantasy football, and you can ask him to teach you about it. Show interest in him and share your own. You might realize you are getting to know each other all over again.

11. He is no longer dependable

Is he not showing up when he says he will? Can you trust he will be there for you when needed? Was he supposed to pick you up and forgot?

Sure, things can slip our minds at times, and we’ve all dropped the ball sometimes, but if he never follows through and you can’t depend on him, this is a sign he is losing his attraction.

What to do:

Ask him to help you with a project or chore and complete it together. Be clear it is important to you and what you are asking from him. Giving him a clear “ask” and explaining its importance to you can help draw his attention back to your marriage.

12. He calls you names

Calling your spouse names (like ugly, dumb, or even worse) is verbal abuse. Has he changed the way he talks to you or about you? Does he show you respect and treat you with dignity?

Even during times of struggle, you should always be treated with respect by your husband.

Psychologist Mert Şeker explains 

The other (non-physical) types of violence, which can be exemplified as emotional violence, social violence, economic violence, and sexual violence, can also be experienced between spouses.

A person who verbally insults you or calls you disrespectfully, even if it is your husband, is committing a crime according to many legal orders.

What to do:

If you realize your husband doesn’t respect you and is verbally, emotionally, sexually, or physically abusive, it’s important you reach out for help. Therapy is always a good idea, and you can also connect with trained advocates who can listen to your concerns and share with you knowledge and resources.

You can find great resources at www.thehotline.org or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

13. There is no romance anymore

Romance may fade away over the course of a marriage as people become more comfortable with each other, but he should certainly still make an effort to make you feel loved.

If he never buys flowers for your birthday or makes small gestures to show you he cares, this can make you feel unwanted by your husband.

What to do:

Have a conversation to see where he’s coming from. Maybe he doesn’t recognize that he’s stopped making an effort. Tell your husband how much small gestures of his love mean to you. You might even try leading by example and trying to show romance to him.

14. He doesn’t check in with you throughout the day

This may look like every phone call or text message conversation involving day-to-day necessities, like who is picking up dinner or whether the electric bill is paid.

If there is still an attraction between the two of you, your husband should be checking in regularly to ask about how your day is going or to tell you that he is thinking of you.

What to do:

Maybe things have just become too routine between the two of you. Try taking the first step and sending him a message throughout the day to tell him you are thinking of him and see how he responds.

15. He seems annoyed by everything you do

Maybe you suggest an idea to try something together, and he rolls his eyes or tells you it is foolish, or perhaps he just seems irritated by your presence. If this is the case, it could be a sign of lost attraction to the wife.

What to do:

Have a conversation with him and tell him how it seems like he is irritated by you and you find it upsetting. Try to get to the root of the problem to see what is causing this attitude from him.

16. Decreased verbal expression of love

When those “I love you” become rare, and sweet words are in short supply, it might be a sign. If your husband used to express his feelings openly and now seems reserved, it could signal a shift. 

Take the initiative to talk about your emotions and encourage open communication to understand what might be going on.

What to do:

If “I love you” seems scarce, take the lead. Share your feelings openly and honestly. Initiate conversations about emotions and ask your husband about his. Create a safe space for both of you to express love and vulnerability.

In the video below, Matthew Hussey provides solid tips on how to compliment that will seem heart-touching and genuine. Check them out:

17. Critical or dismissive comments

Constant criticism or dismissive remarks can create a rift. If your husband is frequently nitpicking or brushing off your thoughts, it’s a red flag. 

Address this by expressing how these comments make you feel and seek a conversation about how to better understand and support each other. Communication is the key to bridging gaps in understanding.

What to do:

Tackling criticism requires open communication. Express how constant nitpicking or dismissive remarks affect you. Encourage a constructive conversation to understand each other better. Establish mutual respect and find ways to support and uplift one another.

Constructive steps to address the overall issue

Relationships are a two-way street, and rebuilding attraction takes effort, and understanding from both sides. Try to see this as a shared challenge, not just as your burden. 

1. Open the lines of communication

Honest conversations are the foundation of resolving this. Approach him with curiosity rather than blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You don’t find me attractive anymore,” you could say, “I’ve been feeling distant, and I want us to understand what’s going on together.” 

This helps avoid defensiveness and encourages him to open up. Maybe he’s stressed, tired, or even unaware of how his actions are affecting you. Clear communication helps uncover the root cause of the disconnect.

2. Reconnect through shared activities

Every relationship thrives on shared moments. If life has made you drift apart, intentionally carve out time to bond again. 

For example, suggest cooking dinner together or reviving an old tradition, like playing board games or gardening. These activities don’t just bring fun but also rebuild companionship. They help remind both of you of the connection you share beyond daily routines.

3. Focus on self-care for yourself

Feeling ignored can easily lead to self-doubt, but this is a great time to focus on yourself—not for him, but for your own confidence. Take small steps to do things that make you feel good, like taking up yoga, pampering yourself with a spa day, or learning a skill you’ve always wanted to try. 

For example, if you love dancing, join a class. When you feel good about yourself, it naturally affects your energy, which your partner will notice.

4. Seek couples counseling together

Sometimes, an outside perspective can make a big difference. A trained counselor can help you both navigate deeper issues without placing blame. 

For example, if your husband is withdrawn because he’s struggling with his own insecurities, a counselor can guide him to express those feelings. Similarly, they can help you find healthy ways to reconnect emotionally and physically. Counseling isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a step toward strengthening your relationship.

5. Be patient and give space

It’s natural to want immediate change, but healing a strained connection takes time. If he seems withdrawn, don’t push for closeness all at once. Instead, focus on small, positive gestures. 

For example, you might leave a thoughtful note in his lunch bag or quietly support him when he’s stressed. These small acts of kindness can soften the walls and create opportunities for reconnection without overwhelming him.

6. Reflect on what’s changed over time

Take a moment to look at the bigger picture of your relationship. Have work, family responsibilities, or health issues created barriers to intimacy? 

For example, if he’s working late every night, he may feel physically and emotionally drained, which can affect his behavior. Together, identify what external factors might be impacting your connection and work as a team to address them.

7. Create opportunities for physical closeness

Physical intimacy isn’t always about grand gestures—it starts with the small things. Think about holding his hand while watching TV or giving him a warm hug when he gets home. 

For instance, if he’s scrolling on his phone, gently sit next to him and rest your head on his shoulder. These small actions build comfort and ease back into physical closeness without pressure or expectations.

Commonly asked questions

Here are some more questions to help further in this direction, gain insights and take the right step forward.

• What are common signs that my husband is losing attraction to me?

Common signs include a lack of physical affection, reduced interest in spending quality time together, avoiding intimacy, or not complimenting you as he once did. 

He might also seem distant or distracted when you’re around. These changes can feel hurtful but may stem from stress, routine, or unresolved issues rather than loss of love.

• How can I address my husband’s loss of attraction?

Start by having an honest, calm conversation to understand his feelings. Focus on reconnecting emotionally by spending time together and doing activities you both enjoy. Take care of yourself, not just for him but to feel confident. If needed, seek couples counseling to work through deeper issues as a team.

• Is it normal for attraction to fluctuate in a marriage?

Yes, it’s completely normal. Life changes, stress, and routines can affect physical and emotional attraction over time. What’s important is addressing these fluctuations openly and finding ways to reconnect. With effort from both partners, attraction can often be reignited and strengthened.

Deciding the course of action ahead

Every relationship faces challenges, and feeling like your husband isn’t attracted to you is a tough one. But this is also an opportunity to reflect on what your relationship means to both of you and what you want for the future. 

It’s not about pointing fingers or carrying the burden alone—it’s about working as a team to rediscover what brought you together in the first place.

Take a moment to ask yourself: what do you truly need to feel loved and valued? And how can you both create a space where attraction, emotional connection, and trust thrive again? 

The answers may not come overnight, but with patience and effort, you can take steps toward building a stronger, more fulfilling bond.

Whether it’s through heartfelt conversations, professional guidance, or even small gestures of kindness, the next chapter is yours to write—together