Do you remember the last time your husband touched you?
Or the last time he went out of his way to do something for you?
Has he become sensitive about stuff that he would have normally overlooked?
Is he happy to see you in the evenings, or has your husband lost interest in your marriage?
Love may be hidden, but it never left
Your marriage is defined by your connection with each other. The communication, sex, interactions and the times you spend together: these are all there to increase your bond.
When we talk of soul mates, we are talking about a connection between two hearts.
Everything we do in a relationship is geared towards increasing that connection.
So, when you feel that your husband is distant, it does not mean that your husband has lost interest in the relationship.
What it could mean, however, is that the things that act as a bridge between the two souls have been weakened. If you strengthen them, you will realize that the love never really went anywhere.
Many relationships go through phases when the man doesn’t seem as plugged into the relationship as he has previously been. There are numerous reasons why the momentum of your relationship may have changed.
Business. Business. Business
The more you stay in a marriage, the more the responsibilities you have to share: Children, money and a home.
With time, many couples find that their interactions have been reduced to a series of business conversations. Somewhere along the journey, you grow distant and become like partners trying to run the corporation that is your family.
You forget how to be friends with each other. It is a very simple equation, really. The quality of your friendship with your husband determines the quality of your intimacy.
Remember, love is not just something that people fall in and out of like it is beyond their control. Love is a choice you make every day: by respecting, trusting, committing to each other and ultimately having a healthy friendship.
So, if you are wondering why your husband seems distant and distracted, evaluate your friendship. No one can ignore a good friend.
Research shows that married men live longer than single guys. Dr. Oz argues that it has little to do with happiness. Married men live longer because their wives make sure they see a doctor.
Children deserve special mention. They have a significant impact on a couple’s relationship. Both the husband and wife change after having a baby, and therefore the relationship changes.
The husband feels the pressure of fatherhood, while the wife goes through much more, physically and emotionally.
The issue comes in because mothers have a bottomless reserve of giving for their children. A mother will keep on giving to her child well beyond the point of exhaustion.
Problems start to occur when a husband starts wondering why the wife cannot go above and beyond for his needs as well. Also, sometimes a husband struggles to find his place in his own family after children are born.
As a wife, you must be willing to work with your husband to find support systems to help you shut off your mother role every once in a while so that you can have some time for yourself and your husband, without the children.
Your husband no longer feels admired
Marriage is like everything else. After the initial excitement, we slip into routines that are all about ourselves. It’s just like a new job: you are initially excited and go on and on about how lucky you are to land such a fantastic job. But then over time, you slip into negative attitudes that reduce the fun you first had, and your job performance suffers.
Novelty stimulates interest. Once anything becomes familiar, you have to work hard to sustain it.
When you first got married, how did you make your husband feel? Do you still smile at him, compliment him, appreciate him and enjoy his presence? What happened to the loving expressions? Or have they been replaced by complaining and little jabs?
Women are trained to be responsible for the wellbeing of everyone in the family. As a result, they may become prefects, always pointing out where things are not going well. In the process, many husbands have been left feeling unappreciated, disrespected and unadmired. A man who senses that he has lost the admiration of his wife can no longer maintain the same relationship that he had with her.
You pressure your husband into things
From time to time, a wife may need to give the husband a nudge forward. This is good because it helps husbands move beyond comfort zones. However, your husband will not appreciate it if you do this constantly. No one wants to be bullied into doing things they do not want or like all the time.
You cannot always be the one with an opinion, and you should not hammer your husband to fit your mold. A healthy relationship is supported by respect and understanding.
Even without your tyranny, your husband is already under tremendous pressure to provide for the family, buy a house, educate the children, provide financial security….. If you keep up with your controlling, you will extinguish all intimacy between the two of you.
Many people lack the fundamental skills to handle emotions. When their spouses are disappointed or angry, they do not know how to reach out to them. As a result, a couple will keep experiencing arguments that go nowhere.
Consequently, arguments are never repaired and a consensus is hardly ever built. Negativity envelopes and the spouses become frustrated and resentful. Resentment eventually breeds contempt; which can choke the life out of your relationship.
Are unresolved conflicts driving you and your husband apart?
Be the first in your marriage to replace resentment with compassion. Why you? Because as a woman, you are the ‘heart’ of your marriage. As such you have the biggest responsibility in the intimacy department of your marriage.
Women are more connected to their hearts. They have a natural capacity for love. Women, therefore, have the right tools to build intimacy in their marriage.
We have already established that your husband still loves you and he is not losing interest in your relationship. However, there are things you must do to keep the intimate connection with your husband flowing, all the time.
Increase his satisfaction in the relationship
The upsides of being in a relationship with you must outweigh the downsides for your husband.
So long as the balance is positive, your husband will continue to invest in the marriage. This is a kind of a risk-benefit analysis.