5 Signs The No-Contact Rule Is Working and What to Do Next

When you are taking a break from a relationship or have recently broken up with your partner, there are some rules that you may choose to follow, including the no contact rule. Here’s a look at what that rule entails as well as signs the no contact rule is working.

What is the no-contact rule?

Anytime there is a breakup in a relationship, both parties may need to process their feelings about the other person, as well as their relationship in general. This means they must take some time away from each other, to determine if they want to get back together or if their break is permanent. 

This could mean that they should cut off contact with each other, so both of them have an opportunity to decompress and figure out what went wrong with the relationship. It can also give them time to think about what the good aspects of a relationship were.

So, what is no contact? One way that can allow these things to happen is not contacting each other at all, for a specific amount of time. 

For example, you may wish to have no contact with your ex for 30 days, 60 days, or even longer. You must make sure that you aren’t contacting them at all, including on social media when you are observing the no-contact rule. 

Try your best not to call, text, or message them during this time, even if you feel like you want to. If you contact them earlier than you plan to, it may be difficult to determine if there are signs the no contact rule is working.

As Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology, explains

The no contact rule gives you complete distance from your former partner, so you can process your emotions and see what life is like without them.

Related Reading: What Is the Psychology of No Contact on the Dumper?

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How long does the no-contact rule take to work?

The no-contact rule may take different amounts of time to work, depending on the people involved and how dedicated you are to making sure that you don’t contact your ex. 

If you end up talking, texting, or messaging the person who dumped you, it may be challenging in terms of how to know if no contact is working.

Related Reading: Get Back with Your Ex With the No Contact Rule

Does the no-contact rule work on men?

Many people believe that men respond to no contact, since they may not like to be ignored. Furthermore, they may want to know exactly why a person is ignoring them. 

This means if you stop contacting your ex suddenly, they may decide that they want to reach out to you to find out what is going on, even if they didn’t seem that interested in you when the relationship was dissolved. 

This could be something that many people experience however, since research indicates that people are able to move on better after a breakup if they understand what the issues were in a relationship.

Related Reading: 7 Components Of Male Psychology During No-Contact Rule

Does no contact work if you were just dating?

It is possible that the no contact rule will be effective, even if you were just dating an individual, and if it was for a short time. You will likely be able to see signs the no contact rule is working if you choose to use it. 

This could allow you the time you need to determine if you would like to date other people or reconnect with your ex.

5 signs the no-contact rule is working

You may be wondering how you know if going no contact will work for you. Chances are it can be helpful for anyone, but you won’t know for sure until you give it a try. 

Here’s a look at 5 of the most common signs the no contact rule is working that you should be aware of. These can give you a good indication on if going no contact was a good choice for you or not.

1. Your ex reaches out

Once you determine that you want to utilize the no contact rule, you may notice that there are stages of no contact. At first, you may feel like you really need to talk to your ex, and then after a while, you might decide that you have other things you’d rather do.

On the other hand, the psychology of no contact on a male dumper may cause them to want to reach out to you. They may be wondering how you are and want to see whether or not the breakup affected you like they expected it to. 

When they are unable to talk to you or you aren’t responding to messages, this could make your ex rather desperate to talk to you. They might resort to whatever method of communication is possible to see how you are doing and determine whether you miss them or not.

Related Reading: 5 Examples of How to Respond to an Ex After No Contact

2. You are bettering yourself

Another one of the signs no contact is working that you may want to note is when you are taking an opportunity to better yourself. 

Instead of wondering what your ex is up to and texting them because you want to talk to them, you might have decided that you wanted to process your feelings and have begun to move on. 

You can take the time to grieve the relationship, begin a new hobby, or work on yourself.

Related Reading: 5 Steps to Help You With Learning to Love Yourself

3. Your ex is asking about you

One of the other major signs the no contact rule is working is that you have heard from other people that your ex is asking about you. This could be part of the psychology of no contact on a female dumper, where they want to know how you are doing after they dumped you. 

When you are staying silent and not answering their texts or posting on social media, it could cause them to wonder if you still care and if you were hurt by the breakup. 

Since they will be unable to get the answers they seek from you, they may have had to resort to talking to others about you or asking mutual friends how you are holding up.

4. You are thinking about dating

Something that may surprise you when it comes to signs the no contact rule is working is that you feel like you are ready to date again. You may have started talking to someone online or have gone out on dates with other people. 

If you aren’t ready to do this yet, you might have at least considered that you want to have another relationship one day. This is the first step and there’s no reason to pressure yourself to rush the process of working through your feelings. 

Depending on how long you were dating, there may be many emotions that you must process before you start to feel better and think that you are ready to move on.

Moreover, you may have determined that you want to try to make your last relationship work while you are going through no contact mode. This is something that you can discuss with your ex-partner once you talk to them again. 

You should decide the amount of time you are comfortable with and once you see signs the no contact rule is working, you may realize that you made a good decision. 

You can also decide when the proper time to talk to each other is, so you are able to gain closure and determine what you want to do next.

Dr. Jacobsen says

No contact can give you distance from some of the problems in the relationship, allowing you to view the relationship more holistically. You may realize after time apart that you can solve your problems.

Related Reading: How to Date Someone: 15 Best Dating Rules & Tips

5. Your ex keeps showing up

Have you ever been somewhere you go to frequently and your ex showed up? 

This may have been by design. This method may give you a glimpse into the psychology of no contact on a dumper, since they may go out of their way to see you when it is clear that you are trying not to have any contact with them. 

Chances are that you go to your local bar or café regularly and they know that, so they have been trying to catch you there, in order to talk to you.

It is up to you to decide whether this tactic is going to work or not. You can politely tell them that you are observing no contact with them and that once you feel better about the situation, you would like to discuss things in person. 

If they push the issue and want to talk to you right away, you may decide that you would rather discuss things with them at that moment, instead of waiting. Be sure to do what feels right for you and not be pressured to talk to them just because they are there. 

After all, if they dumped you, they may not have been worried about your feelings much until you decided to stop contacting them. Keep these things in mind if you happen to see them in the same place that you are.

What do you do after no contact works?

After the no contact rule has successfully worked for you and once you have seen signs the no contact rule is working and you have closed off contact with your ex for a while, it may be time to decide what to do next. 

In some cases, you may want to get back together with them, but in other instances, it might be a better idea to move on. It is necessary to take all the time you need to weigh your options, especially if you were severely hurt by the breakup.

Again, if you have questioned, is no contact working, and you have observed that it has, you may have approached the situation successfully. 

If it hasn’t worked, then you might need to lengthen the amount of time you refrain from contacting your ex or pay attention to if you are obeying your own rule. You shouldn’t be having any contact with your ex at all, if possible.

At the same time, if you have not talked about what happened to your relationship and what went wrong, it may be the time to discuss these things, especially if both of you are willing to sit down and have a conversation. 

Close relationships, especially intimate ones, have a great impact on an individual’s health and wellbeing, so it is important to keep this in mind when you are deciding what you want to do next.

If you do want to date your ex again, you should do what you can to work out any issues that you had and be open and honest with each other about what you expect out of your relationship. 

Talking to each other and expressing your concerns can have a positive impact on your relationship.  

Wrapping up

There are a few signs the no contact rule is working that you can home in on when you are attempting this for your previous relationship. 

]Keep an eye out for the signs above when you think it may be a good idea to cut off communication with your ex, even for a short time.

Something else that may be beneficial after the end of a relationship is counseling. When you notice that you aren’t feeling like yourself or you wish to stay isolated, you may be able to benefit from working with a therapist. 

This is something you should look into if you are interested, since they may be able to help you understand your emotions and they can also be someone neutral to talk to, where you can get your thoughts out without fear of being judged.

Additionally, you can talk to them about the no contact rule and ask about further signs the no contact rule is working. A counselor might be able to give you more helpful information for you to consider.

You should also make sure that you take the time you need to determine what you want to do next. Don’t let anyone pressure you back into a relationship with them if this isn’t what you want to do. 

You owe it to yourself to make a decision that is right for you, even if you do want to get back together with your ex. If they also want to date you again, they should respect you enough to allow you to take all the time that you need.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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