10 Stages of Getting Back Together With an Ex

It’s completely normal to feel sad after a breakup. Realizing someone who used to be part of your life left can leave you unhappy and overwhelmed. Nonetheless, it doesn’t mean you need to get back together with an ex right away. 

Breaking up and getting back together is common in the dating world. So, if you feel you have made a mistake by breaking up with your ex, you need to cross the stages of getting back together with an ex before reintegrating your lives together again.

In this article, you will learn the stages of reconnecting with an ex and how to get back together with your ex. Read this article to the end to learn more.

Do you still love your ex-partner?

Before diving deep into the stages of getting back together with your ex, you need to ask yourself a genuine question. Do you still love your ex? Understand that you can get anybody back after a break, but can you sustain the love you once had for each other. 

Do you still love your ex-partner as profoundly as before? If the answer to the question is yes, then you may set up a meeting with your ex-partner and relay your feelings.

How do you know you still love your partner? The answer is straightforward. Aside from missing your ex-partner, you will find yourself empty and unable to do certain activities. 

If you still love your partner, their thoughts will dominate your heart, and you won’t see any person matching their energy and contribution in your life. 

Such a partner must have been valuable and made a remarkable impact on your life. So, when do you get back together? What percentage of exes get back together?

How many exes get back together

According to much research, about 40 to 50 percent of couples get back together after a breakup. While this is positive, many factors determine the chances of getting back together after a breakup.

To begin with, most people get back together with their ex because they still harbor some feelings for them. They find it challenging to see someone like their ex-partners in most cases. 

Indeed, the initial stage of a breakup is characterized by guilt, especially by the one who broke up, sadness, loneliness, hurt. So, ex-partners must work hard to manage their disturbing emotions accurately not to affect other aspects of their lives. 

That means rebuilding your life without your ex-partner. After trying everything in your power to live normally without them, and nothing proved fruitful, it’s normal to start thinking of getting back to them. As such, questions like the following may come to your mind:

• Should you get back together with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend?
• Will we get back together after a breakup?
• Does getting back together ever work?
• How often do exes get back together?

Regardless of the nature of your question, know that ex-couples getting back together after a breakup are more common. Some couples may get back after a few weeks or months, while others go apart only to find a way to be together after years of living separately. 

If you don’t have people who got back after a breakup, celebrities getting back together should give you an example. 

What are the chances that my ex will come back?

If you are wondering, “Will we get together after a breakup,” then you need to consider how your ex feels about reconciling things. Before you start going through the stages of getting back together with an ex, you need to take your ex’s perspective under consideration.

The odds of your ex coming back will depend on many factors. Even if the number of exes getting back together is high, hundreds of relationships still don’t get revived after a break. 

If your ex is still single and hasn’t found another person, they may take you back. In addition, if you have been an important partner who made a significant impact on their lives, your ex may consider you. 

Furthermore, your chances of getting back together after a breakup depend on the nature of your partnership before the break. You may have to ask yourself, “What if my ex doesn’t want to get back together,” if you ended things on a bad note.

Cheating, domestic violence, and abusive situations might not count as factors to getting back together with your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Individuals who leave their partners broken and worthless might not get a chance as well. 

Exciting and healthy relationships have a high chance of success than boring and abusive ones. 

If you want to know some reasons that should deter you from getting back together with an ex, watch this video:

How long before exes get back together?

What bothers some ex-partners is when to get back to an ex. The amount of time it takes exes to get back together depends on many variables. Specifically, the amount it takes you to get back to your ex depends on the reasons for breaking up. 

A breakup over something trivial or simple might only require a few days or weeks to reconcile. For example, some individuals ask for a break from their partner after a disagreement. That’s to help them internalize the issue and figure out the source of the fight. 

On the other hand, breaking up over serious issues like cheating and lying might require longer. Sometimes when people come back quickly after breaking up, it’s because of loneliness. That is not always the best solution as you may find yourself arguing over the same issues again. 

Ensure you sort out the problem, and be sure it won’t cause a fight again. For instance, do you miss your partner or think you are lonely? If they broke your trust, are you willing to accept them back?

Understanding is the key here, and if you and your ex-partner aren’t on the same page, you might be wasting your time. Couples that got back together usually go through many stages of getting back to an ex before making a final decision.

How do you know if you should get back to an ex?

Couples who get back together usually have certain things in common. One popular reason is deep feelings for each other. Other genuine reasons you might want to get back to your ex are:

1. Companionship 

We all want to be with the one that cares for us, right? If your ex-partner cared so much about you, it’s okay to want them back. Besides, loneliness is no joke, and it can be more important than your reason for breaking up.

2. Familiarity

Well, the devil you used to know might be better than that new angel. Going over the stages of dating and getting to know a new person can be overwhelming. 

If this is your situation, and it outweighs the reason for breaking up, getting back together after a break might be your best option.

3. Your ex is better

After exploring different individuals, many ex-partners realize no one can be like their ex. If you have reached this conclusion, it’s right to think about getting your ex back.

4. Guilt

Sometimes we don’t think things through before making irrational decisions. You probably broke up over a flimsy reason. Then, don’t be ashamed to drop your ego and check if your ex feels the same way.

Related Reading: Guilt Tripping in Relationships: Signs, Causes, and How to Deal With It

10 stages of getting back together with an ex

Getting back together with ex girlfriend or boyfriend can seem daunting when you are just starting out. Each stage of the reconciliation process is tough but it can be a positive thing if you keep at it. 

These are the ten stages that you and your partner will go through if you are trying to find your way back to each other:

1. Doubt

After a break, the first stage of getting back together is usually full of doubts. 

Many questions plague the minds of individuals who want their exes back. Their insecurities and uncertainty regarding the current situation make them doubt every aspect of the relationship and ex. 

Research shows that even self-doubt can negatively impact a relationship and its potential. 

Unfortunately, these questions make you feel stuck and anxious rather than help you with your problems. Instead, write down your thought and intention. Don’t dwell on many questions, but follow your mind.

2. Reason for the breakup

You can’t get back to your ex successfully without processing the reason for breaking up. Again, there are trivial issues that cause breakups, and there are serious ones. Unfaithfulness and lack of respect might be big deals to you. 

What do you think was the reason and other contributing factors that made it happen?

When going through the stages of reconnecting with your ex-partner, focusing on the good and bad moments will give you a holistic approach. Weigh your options very well, and remember it’s for the good of both of you.

3. What ifs

After sifting through your doubts and reasons for breaking up, you might still be reluctant to take a step. That’s fine. No one wants to be hurt twice, and as a human, you are allowed to put up a defensive wall around your heart. 

Just what if your ex breaks your heart again? Well, you can’t tell even if they promise you. However, what you can do is take it slow within yourself. 

Expressing your emotions and physical intimacy might still be hard work. Therefore, take your time to be vulnerable again.

4. Reasons for getting back

This is a crucial stage in knowing how to successfully get back together after a breakup. Know your why so you don’t find yourself in the same situation again. 

If you believe you have learned your lessons and can build a healthy and mature relationship, then you can go ahead. On the contrary, missing their presence or being afraid of loneliness might not be enough to get back.

5. Reality check

After sifting out all doubts and sentiments, you should embrace your new normal. Be free with each other and enjoy the new experience. 

Research shows that acceptance of reality has a positive effect on relationships. Since you know why you broke up before, don’t allow that to disturb this incredible moment. 

In following the stages of getting back together with an ex, don’t strive for or expect more from the relationship or your partner. Be present as that’s what matters.

6. Accepting responsibility

Even though it is recommended that you enjoy yourself without setting any rules, you have to know which responsibility you want. With new experiences from your partner, some things may not correlate with your principles. 

When going through the stages of getting back together with an ex, don’t hide this from your partner and let them know immediately.

Related Reading: Why Is Accepting Responsibilities in a Relationship Important?

7. Does your ex want you back?

Set up a meeting with your ex as soon as possible. Let them know your thought and intention. It is vital to be on the same page with your ex when working through the stages of getting back together with an ex. 

Unfortunately, your chances of getting back after a breakup are low if your ex has moved on. Don’t waste time blaming them for moving too fast as we are all different.

8. The deja vu stage

One of the stages of reconnecting with an ex involves getting comfortable with each other again. As you do so, it’s normal to find some situations familiar. It may feel like deja vu.

For instance, going on dates, cinema outings, and swimming together may feel like old times. This might be helpful, as well as dangerous. 

It’s helpful because you are finally getting back, but it might feel like old things, drawing you back to the reason you broke up. Therefore, in going through the stages of getting back together with an ex, focus on creating new memories together. 

Take new interests together or visit a new place together.

9. A little bit weird

In the stages of getting back together with an ex, your relationship might feel off a little. Understand this is perfectly normal. It is best not to assume that it’s not working out. 

Remember, you both are just coming back after a long break, and the issues or baggage from that last relationship won’t fade away. Don’t see your rekindling relationship as a clean slate because it’s not. 

For instance, you or your partner may feel inclined to be polite, calm, or submissive. You may also be acting careful, so you don’t offend your partner. Instead, address the issue head-on so that you can be free with each other.

10. Get to know your partner again

Are you at the end of the stages of getting back together with an ex? Now what? You need to go back right where you started. That is one of the main stages of reconnecting with an ex. 

You are now in a new circumstance. While it looks like you are dealing with the same person, you are not. You both have learned your lessons, and you have to work around them to build a healthy relationship. 

Besides, you are coming with new experiences, which may be different from your old ones. Instead of assuming you know them, give them the chance to introduce themselves again while you do the same.

Related Reading: How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship and Build a Fulfilling Married Life

Conclusion 

The end of relationships is painful and hurts some individuals more than others. Therefore, it’s normal to want to reconnect with your ex-partner. 

Jumping back into their relationship might seem easy, but it won’t help you. Instead, working through the stages of getting back together with an ex might help you make an informed decision.