10 things to Know During an Intercultural Marriage

Intercultural marriage problems are common for partners with very different backgrounds. But just because they’re common doesn’t mean they’re pleasant or easy to deal with.

Whether it’s because of travel, study abroad programs, or online dating, more people than ever are entering an intercultural marriage. This beautiful celebration of love isn’t without its challenges.

You will take time to understand the new culture and that’s okay. In the meantime, here are 10 tips on how to deal with intercultural marriage problems.

What is the intercultural marriage definition?

An intercultural marriage is one where couples come from different religious, cultural, or ethnic backgrounds.

Intercultural marriage should not be confused with an interracial one.

Interracial marriage is when two people of different races marry. However, intercultural marriage is when two people (who may or may not be the same race) have different cultures.

For example, an Indian woman born and raised in the United States may have different values than an Indian man born in India.

5 advantages of intercultural marriage

Intercultural marriage offers the advantages of cultural exchange, expanded worldview, exposure to new traditions, increased tolerance and understanding, and the possibility of a unique and enriching family dynamic. Let’s look at 5 major advantages of an intercultural marriage.

1. You improve your communication skills

Communication is key to a successful marriage, especially for intercultural couples.

Being with someone who has different values and habits than you forces you to improve your communication skills.

Sure, “opposites attract”, but that doesn’t mean the marriage will be easy-breezy. To have a healthy and lasting relationship, you will need to quickly learn how to listen and express yourself with kindness.

Related Reading: 10 Effective Communication Skills in Relationships for Healthy Marriages

2. You have a chance to learn a new language

Traveling to your spouse’s home country gives you and any children you have so much opportunity to live a bicultural, bilingual life.

Related Reading: Romance Languages Five Ways to Love and Be Loved

3. You have a more diverse life

Being part of a multicultural family opens you up to so much love and diversity in your life.

Through your differences, you learn to navigate a new and exciting path. This opens you up, as well as your friends and family, to appreciate all of the amazing facets of your spouse’s culture.

According to Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz, a licensed clinical social worker:

Diversity is a fact of life, and having an intercultural marriage can prepare you to interact with diverse groups of people in daily life, such as in the workplace.

4. Your food options have multiplied

For most people, food is linked to happiness.

One amazing advantage of marriage in different cultures is that it opens your palate up to new flavors and cooking styles and gives you a wider array of dinner options.

5. You keep an open mind

One of the most beautiful things about an intercultural marriage is that it opens your mind to things you never thought you would experience before.

There is a saying that goes: “Eat the fish, spit out the bones.” Or in this case, take what you love about your partner’s culture and leave the rest.

Whether it’s travel, new recipes, or embracing a new way of life, being with someone of a different background can make your life feel rich and diverse.

5 disadvantages of intercultural marriage

Intercultural marriage can be a rewarding experience, but it also comes with challenges. In this article, we will explore five common disadvantages of intercultural marriage that couples may face.

1. Rude comments from other people

If you’ve ever been pregnant, you know how jarring it feels to have complete strangers weigh in on your pregnancy and motherhood plans.

If you are in an intercultural marriage, the same shocking comments apply.

Strangers are not shy about telling you what they think about your interracial marriage or multiracial child.

People like to think they know all about your spouse based solely on some inappropriate stereotyping they’ve read about or heard through some anecdote.

2. Difficulty raising children

Figuring out how to navigate holidays, dinner choices, and different parenting styles can be incredibly frustrating.

Jennifer Schulz, LCSW, further shares:

When these issues arise, it can be helpful to focus on areas of common ground.

You may butt heads with your spouse, which can be confusing for children who often thrive when seeing a united family front.

Related Reading: How Raising Kids Today Is a Lot Different Than 20 Years Ago

3. Disapproval from friends or family

The Journal of Behavioral Sciences found that intercultural marriages can cause conflicts that cause couples to be less satisfied with their marriages.

This is no wonder since studies show that intercultural couples often receive disapproval from friends and family both before and after marriage.

Without a doubt, disapproval from the people you love can put unnecessary stress and anxiety into a marriage.

4. A feeling of loneliness

Coming from two very different backgrounds, the problems you and your spouse face may feel extra nuanced to you.

Because of this, you may feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to who fully understands the intercultural marriage problems you’re up against.

This can cause you to feel somewhat lonely and isolated.

5. Higher risk of divorce

Whether it’s the stress of a disapproving family or trying to navigate different cultural backgrounds, research indicates that intercultural marriages are at greater risk of divorce.

This is not a great feeling, as intercultural couples will have to work extra hard at learning to respect and understand one another.

10 coping strategies for intercultural marriage

An intercultural wedding is a beautiful event, but there are definitely some things you should know before and after you make your way to the altar.

1. Speak about your roles in marriage

Gender roles may not be something you cared about while dating, but now that you’re married and family opinions are involved, your roles may shift.

To avoid intercultural marriage problems, you should talk about your future expectations of each other.

2. Your in-laws are your family now

Your in-laws will probably be a part of your marriage.

If you’re used to a life where you only see in-laws at celebrations, you may be surprised at the roles of parents from a different culture.

When they visit, they may expect to stay with you for weeks or even months at a time.

Speak with your partner about healthy parental boundaries before a visit from your in-laws so that you can avoid any awkward hiccups and get on the same page.

If you’re looking for tips on how to manage in-laws in marriage, watch this video:

3. Focus on communication

Your opinions are bound to clash.

As much as you get along, there will be times when your upbringing and ideals will clash, and that’s alright, so long as you learn to communicate.

Before you marry your partner from a different culture, sit and discuss how you guys are planning to make things work and learn to talk about things, even when they are hard.

4. Have patience

Don’t expect things to be better and normal immediately. You both may be putting efforts to not let the culture barrier come in between your married life, but things won’t fall in place from the beginning. You will stumble and may fall, but you have to keep on trying. 

Patience is the key, after all. It’s always a challenge to adjust to a new culture all of a sudden.

There will be times when you’re not sure what to do or may curse yourself for making a mistake, but don’t give up. Learning something new takes time. Keep on trying and maintain a pace. Eventually, you will master everything and things will be fine. 

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Have More Patience in a Relationship

5. Learn to accept your spouse’s culture

You may have thought you were a tolerant person before, but there is always room for improvement.

There is no such thing as a perfect culture. Sometimes, instead of arguing about a particular point, it’s best to let love do the talking and accept their culture for what it is.

6. Attend marriage counseling

Marriage counseling can be a beautiful tool to strengthen your relationship and better understand any intercultural marriage problems you may be experiencing.

Through marriage counseling, couples will learn how to improve their communication and overcome differences brought on by different upbringings and cultures.

7. Try and learn a bit of their language

If your partner speaks another language, why not try and learn some of it?

Learning each other’s language has two main benefits. One, you can communicate well with each other. Second, you have a normal conversation with your in-laws and the extended family.

Don’t let a communication barrier spoil what could be an amazing marriage and a wonderful relationship with your new extended family.

8. Decide how you want to raise your children

One of the more common intercultural marriage problems comes from trying to raise children together. You may find you’re bumping heads on a few key issues.

• You’re Catholic and he’s Buddhist. You each want to raise your children in your religion.
• You want to move the kids back to your home country, but she wants to stay where you are now.
• You want to raise the children to be bilingual, but he will feel alienated by not being able to understand his children in another language.

Raising children in intercultural marriages can be tricky.

Start your marriage smart by talking about what you and your partner expect from your parenting journey before you bring children into the world.

9. Educate yourself

Educate yourself on your spouse’s values and culture as much as you can.

Ask your partner about their childhood, how they grew up, and their family and prior relationships.

Asking open-ended questions will help you understand their upbringing and culture better and understand how they see the world.

Once you educate yourselves about each other’s culture, the better your marriage will be.

10. Be respectful of your differences

Respect is the biggest tip for managing intercultural marriages. Respect is part of love. Show your partner you love them, even if you don’t particularly agree with aspects of their culture.

No matter what differences are between you, remember that your cultures and upbringing are what made you the people you fell in love with.

Related Reading: 20 Ways to Respect Your Husband

More questions to consider

Intercultural marriages can be both exciting and challenging, raising many questions for those embarking on this journey. In this article, we will answer some frequently asked questions about intercultural marriage.

• Do intercultural marriages work?

Intercultural couples may face more stress than the average partners, but an intercultural marriage can absolutely work.

• What are the challenges of intercultural marriage?

Opposition from friends and family, rude and racist comments from strangers, and confusion caused by raising children with clashing cultures are just some of the challenges of intercultural marriages.

Marriages are made in heaven, as they say!

Navigating intercultural marriage problems isn’t always easy, but the relationship you build by learning to work through your differences is worth it.

You may experience opposition from loved ones or negative comments from associates. Stay strong and fight for your love.

If intercultural marriage problems wreak havoc on your happiness, embrace marriage counseling with open arms.

Learning to respect each other’s cultures, finding common ground, and keeping the lines of communication open will lead you to a successful and happy intercultural marriage.

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