Feeling a bit disconnected towards your partner? Missing that sense of being each other’s best friend, lover, and confidant? Here are ten tried and tested methods for creating (or recreating) a more intimate marriage.
1. Spend your time wisely
Have a look at how your time is spent, and adjust as necessary. So many of us are caught up in the whirlwind that is modern life. From dawn until dusk, we are tending to other people’s needs, whether it be family or work. By the time we have a moment to ourselves, we just want to chill. The last thing we want to think about is engaging in a conversation with our spouse, right?
Prioritize your time. Recognize that your marriage is important. It is the glue that holds this marvelous package together, allowing you a safe haven from all the stressors of the day. You don’t want to neglect it so put it up there at the top of your list.
2. Take some time with your spouse every day
It doesn’t have to be hours; 30 minutes together is enough to feel connected. Step away from the distractions and screens. Sit down together, or, if possible, step out together for a walk or a date. But do it at least 30 minutes a day. Talk. The conversation doesn’t have to be deep, but it needs to be genuine. A simple “Tell me about your day” is sufficient to show your spouse you are present and listening.
3. Small acts of thoughtfulness reinforce intimacy
Grand gestures are fantastic, but remember to practice small acts of kindness. A love note left for your partner when you go on a business trip. A bouquet of her favorite flowers on the kitchen table. A sexy text during the workday. A cup of fresh-brewed coffee to help with the morning wake-up. All are small ways to strengthen your sense of intimacy.
4. Always be kind and honest
Speaking kindly and honestly to your partner will deepen, the intimacy you have established. Need help finding the appropriate language of kindness? A session or two with a skilled therapist can provide you with the best ways to communicate which incorporate kindness and respect for your partner.
5. Set up a “be present” date
This is the time spent together doing something that actively engages the two of you, unlike time spent viewing a movie, play, or television show. A “be present” date could be doing an active sport together, or just walking on a nature trail. Anything where you are moving and working as a team, challenging yourself physically. The adrenaline rush that this activity provokes promotes a feeling of closeness which enhances intimacy.
It goes without saying that a couple with a rich, enjoyable sex life will inevitably enjoy a rich sense of intimacy, too. So don’t take your sexual activities for granted. It’s easy to put this on the back burner due to exhaustion but, you must make sex a priority in your relationship. If you have to calendar it, so be it. Take the kids to friends or to the grandparents, and indulge yourselves in a long and loving session in bed. Don’t forget the foreplay! Seduce each other during the day by sending hot texts and emails.
7. But don’t forget the love and romance, too!
Sex is great and a natural outcome of love and romance. So remember to show off your romance skills from time to time, even if they don’t necessarily lead to bedroom time.
8. Always have a something to look forward to together
It can be a family vacation or saving money towards a new home. Anything that you both are trying to achieve together, gives you an opportunity to build intimacy as you talk, plan and dream about your mutual vision.
9. Try something completely different
Stepping outside your comfort zone is great for promoting intimacy. You’ll learn a new skill and develop another layer of closeness as you meet the new challenge together.
10. You are each other’s rock
Be there for emotional support, a shoulder to cry on, arms to open and embrace your partner in a celebration of joy. Life throws everything at you, from the saddest of losses to the highest of victories. Moving through all of these moments together knowing you have each other’s back is a natural way to broaden and deepen your feelings of mutual intimacy.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.