How to Respond to an Insincere Apology in Relationships: 10 Ways

In relationships, partners are bound to hurt each other’s feelings from time to time. A sincere apology is often one of the profound ways to solve the problem and get the relationship moving on the right path.

Some partners may offer an insincere apology which could eventually affect the other party and the relationship. In this article, you will learn how to respond to an insincere apology. Also, you will see some examples of how a sincere apology should be for inspiration on how to go about yours.

What is an insincere apology?

An insincere apology does not involve regret, remorse or a promise to do better when you are the offender in a conflict or situation. When people give an insincere apology, it can reduce the chances of reconciliation or diminish the prospect of making things better between you.

To understand whether an apology is insincere or sincere, this study is for you. This research is titled Evaluations of Apologies and explores the effects of apology sincerity and acceptance motivation. After reading through it, you can tell when someone is sincere about their apology. 

5 examples of a sincere apology in a relationship

A sincere apology is mostly heartfelt and genuine. When someone offers a sincere apology, they are always willing to change and work out their differences with the affected person.

Here are some common examples of the sincere and best ways to apologize

1. Dear partner. I’m sure you’re not happy with what I did and how I went about the whole issue. This is to apologize for my wrongdoings. I promise to do better and inform you before I take any crucial action. Please forgive me.
2. My Love. Yesterday’s conversation was one of the toughest we’ve ever had in this relationship. I want to say I’m sorry for the things I did. I have reflected on them and promise not to repeat those mistakes.
3. My dear. I am so sorry for overreacting. I should not have said those things, and I promise not to hurt you with my words again.
4. My sweetheart. I have taken time to ponder on my actions, and the truth is I am at fault in every way. I am sorry that I put you through this challenging time. I assure you that I will do better next time.
5. Dear hubby. I have realized my mistakes, and I promise not to repeat them again. I want us to work together and rebuild this relationship again. I miss you so much.

5 negative effects of an insincere apology

When you notice some insincere apology examples from your partner, it might cause some negative effects on you and the relationship. Here are some of the adverse effects of an insincere apology in a relationship.

1. Feeling responsible for their mistakes

When your partner is not sincere with their admission of misconduct, and they are constantly apologizing in a relationship, you might begin to feel bad. This is likely to happen when you don’t ponder your partner’s apologies. 

Similarly, when you begin to take responsibility for their actions, it may be one of the negative effects of receiving an insincere apology.

2. You may want to overlook their errors

Sometimes, if care isn’t taken, you might overlook what they did so that the two of you can move forward. The danger is that they may repeat their inactions next time because they feel you will forgive them and not address the issue. 

If you feel bad about what they did, and they offer an insincere apology, be sure to address their errors instead of ignoring them.

3. They might intentionally repeat the same mistake

Another effect that comes with an insincere apology is that the perpetrator might end up repeating the same mistake. Not everyone may know that their apology is insincere, especially if no one points it out to them. Hence, they will likely keep committing those errors until someone talks to them.

4. It can cause anger and resentment

An insincere apology can cause anger and resentment because it is not what you were expecting from your partner. This resentment could continue for long, especially when you don’t communicate with them about how their inactions and an insincere apology made you feel.

5. The real issue is not addressed

One of the common effects of an insincere apology is that it prevents the real issue from being addressed. 

Both parties might ignore the problem after offering an insincere apology, probably because they want to move forward and make peace. However, the issue might recur because it has yet to be tackled.

To understand how apologies work in close relationships, read this study by Jarrett Lewis and other authors titled Apologies in Close Relationships. This well-researched study helps you understand some factors that might determine how apologies are given in close relationships. 

What is the difference between a sincere and an insincere apology?

When it comes to apology and forgiveness in relationships, one of the primary differences between sincere and insincere apology is when it doesn’t include regret or remorse. When someone apologizes sincerely, they will not give excuses for what they did.

Rather, they will be ready to make amends and ensure the relationship works again. In comparison, someone offering an insincere apology might not be ready to take responsibility for their inactions. They will blame other people or their partners for their mistakes.

According to Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor, Marriage Mentor, and Relationship Coach,

Taking responsibility for your actions and being readily available to apologize for such actions is evidence that you are accountable.

10 ways to identify and respond to an insincere apology in a relationship

When apologizing in a relationship, not everyone is sincere about making amends for their errors. Some may try to play the victim or blame someone else for their inactions.

If you are certain that your partner is not sincere about their admission of wrongdoing and guilt, here are some ways how to respond to an insincere apology.

1. Don’t respond in the heat of the moment

Concerning how to respond to a fake apology, one of the important things to avoid is responding in the heat of the moment. If your partner does something wrong and they offer an apology, do not give a response there and then.

Take out ample time to reflect on their apology so that you can know if it is sincere or not. 

You could also ask more questions centered on the issue that occurred. However, if you respond immediately, you might say regrettable things. Also, give them the impression that you are fine with what they did.

2. They indirectly blame you

Another way to know that your partner is insincere about their apology is when they blame you for their wrongdoings. 

If they keep on talking about how your actions made them commit an error, then it is possible that they are not genuine with their intentions. They might be looking for a way to project their shortcomings on you so that you will end up blaming yourself. 

If you observe this sign regularly, be patient and brood over the matter.

3. Point out their insincerity with examples

Showing them that they are not genuine with their apology is one of the ways how to respond to an insincere apology. Some partners might be trying to manipulate their victims with an insincere apology so that they would end up blaming themselves or other factors.

However, it is important to let your partner know where they were untruthful or dishonest so they won’t repeat it. You can also back up your claims with examples of some things they said that showed they were insincere.

4. Set some boundaries

One of the primary parts of setting boundaries in relationships is for partners to let each other know that they might not accept some things from each other. 

But to specifically learn how to respond to an insincere apology, set boundaries, and inform your partner that you may not be fine with some of their behaviors next time.

Doing this will allow them to know their limits, and they will know how to act around you next time. Setting some boundaries could help your partner offer a sincere apology because they know you will discover their true motives.

Related Reading: 15 Ways of Setting Boundaries in a New Relationship

5. Don’t be contented with their insincere apology

Not being content with their admission of shortcomings is one of the ways how to respond to an insincere apology. When you show discontentment and unacceptance, it becomes clear that they need to work more on their intentions to make their apology more genuine.

On the other hand, showing acceptance of their insincere apology could make them think they are free to repeat the same mistakes. If you are bothered about the authenticity of their apology, it is best to make them know how you feel.

6. Request that they reflect and try again later

An important tip on how to respond to an insincere apology is to let your partner know that they can always reflect on what they did and apologize later.

Sometimes, people apologize without knowing the gravity of their offenses or the damage it has done to the situation. This is why their apologies might seem real; ultimately, they might repeat the same mistake. 

If your partner has enough time to ponder what they did, they will think of more genuine ways to apologize.

7. Look out for yourself

Watching out for yourself and ensuring your safety is another important way to learn how to respond to an insincere apology. Some partners may not be happy when you don’t accept their apology, and they might look for different ways to hurt you- mostly emotionally or physically.

Hence, be careful not to put yourself at the mercy of someone likely to hurt you because you don’t want to accept their admittance of wrongdoing. 

You can always suggest shifting the conversation to another time if you suspect they want to manipulate you. Also, you can give them some physical space to allow them to think properly.

Watch this video to learn how to practice self-love in a relationship: 

8. Suggest how they can make things better

Regarding how to respond to an apology, you can communicate with them how both of you can make things work again in the relationship. Sometimes, your partner may need reassurance from you before they give a sincere apology.

Therefore, talking about how to take the right steps in your relationship with your partner could be a great way how to respond to an insincere apology.

9. Apologize if you were at fault

If an incident occurred in your relationship, and you have your fair share of the blame, it is best to apologize sincerely. The reason for your partner’s insincere apology is that you’ve not identified your fault and mentioned it to them.

Identify how you contributed to the issue at hand, apologize, and give room for your partner to do the same.

says Christiana Njoku.

They might be waiting for you to apologize to make up for their misconduct. Hence, do not avoid talking about your misdoings so your partner can also give a genuine apology.

10. Reach out to your loved ones for support

When you feel overwhelmed with the situation in your relationship and feel that your partner’s insincere apology keeps compounding your woes, you can contact your loved ones. 

Your family and friends are your support system and who you should rely on when things become difficult; this is one of the ways how to respond to an insincere apology.

They might give you a better perspective on things that might help you handle the situation on the ground. Also, they can point out if your partner’s apology was truly sincere.

To understand more about how to give a sincere apology, check out this masterpiece by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas titled The Five Languages of Apology. This book helps you learn how to apologize genuinely and experience healing in your relationships. 

Some commonly asked questions

An insincere apology can be confusing, but answers to certain questions can give you the necessary clarity.

• How to know if an apology is insincere?

One of the ways to know if an apology is insincere is when the individual does not feel remorseful and if they don’t try to make things work again. 

• How to respond to a manipulative apology?

When it comes to how to respond to a manipulative apology, you can begin by not saying anything in the heat of the moment. Take time out to process everything they said. Set some boundaries between the two of you, and let them know that you can see their insincerity.

Final takeaway

When someone gives you an insincere apology, the points mentioned in this article can help you know how to accept an apology. One thing to remember when knowing how to respond to an insincere apology is your choice of words and actions at that period.

Be careful not to do anything that will make you become the offender. Consider seeing a relationship therapist to learn how to apologize to someone the right way and keep your relationship moving.