Whether you purposefully sought one out, or life just delivered her to you as a wonderful surprise, here you are, dating a single mom. She’s smart, gorgeous, kind, and loving.
Despite all theproblems a single mother faces, she knows how to manage her time and prioritize what is important in life. She’s nothing like the childfree women you’ve dated before.
This is new territory for you, so naturally are looking for some single moms dating tips, because you have some questions about how to date a single mom so that both of you are happy.
What is it like dating a single mom?
Dating a single mom is a little different from going on a regular date. You must know that like any other dates, this also comes with its set of ups and downs.
So, now that you have found the girl of your dreams, and want to plunge into dating, make sure you mature enough to not only enjoy the feelings of being in love but are responsible enough to welcome the challenges.
Why is dating a single mom hard?
Sometimes, dating a single mom might not be preferred by a few men due to certain reasons or inability to adjust with their routines.
For a few, dating a single mom problems are significant because of various reasons:
They don’t want to be involved with the kid at an early age
They have seen the struggle of a single parent in their family
They find it inconvenient to break plans due to childcare
There could be issues of the single parent with their ex
However, it is all about commitment and willingness in dating along with the choice. In the end, whether or not you are dating a single parent, you should definitely strike some compatibility.
What single moms want in a man?
As much as you know love is a challenge, so does your partner. There are certain expectations they would have from you and would seek some traits in their man. Here are a few things you must know that they want their ideal partner to have:
A man with goals and ambitions
As a single parent, whoever is a part of her life will ultimately be a part of her child’s life. So, she needs to choose not just the right partner but a right role model for her child.
She isn’t ready for games
You must know that you have to be serious about her and not play around in the relationship. She is most likely seeking a mature man who is ready to give in to the relationship and you must only show interest if you are serious.
You must understand her priorities
You should be mature enough to understand that she is a mother first, a girlfriend later. She is managing it all alone. So, unless you both are officially engaged, you must give her the space to manage her priorities.
You must see her as a strong individual
Being a single mom doesn’t mean she is weak. You must see her strengths and how responsible she is. For her child, she is a superwoman. So, you should not cast your pity eyes on her.
Also watch: Dating Single Moms
15 Tips for Dating a Single Mom
Here are 15 relationship advice for dating a single mom, and how you can make this a great, healthy, and life-enhancing experience for the two of you!
1 . Maintain the relationship discipline
Before, with your childfree girlfriends, your time was your own. You could propose a spontaneous evening out without much notice and be drinking and dancing an hour later.
Not so much when dating a woman with kids.
When dating a girl with kids, she’s going to need some advance notice for your dates because she needs to line up childcare.
And, unless her child is at a sleepover at the dad’s or friends’, there will be no late nights. No staying out ’till the wee hours of the morning just because you have had such a great time, and you don’t want this to end.
No, she’s on the clock. She’s got a babysitter to pay and release, and an early-morning alarm to get her child up and ready for school.
2. Remain flexible
Considering they have kids, you must be okay with flexible times of dates, calls and meetings. Avoid being stringent as it will only add to the pressure and strain your ties with them.
3. Understand her inclination towards her child
How to date a woman with a child? Contrary to a childfree girlfriend who has all the time in the world to invest in your relationship, the single mom’s number one focus is the well-being of her child.
That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the time to focus on you.
When dating women with kids, she will give you what she can, and it will be very special to her and to you.
It will just be parceled out around what she is giving to her child. And that’s a good sign because it means she is a thoughtful, serious person.
However, not everyone is able to grasp this concept, and this is why men won’t date single moms.
4. Check the timing
You should only focus on going into the zone of dating if you are ready for commitment. Being sure of the timing helps you both gain clarity and keep the relationship smooth.
Being clear also helps you both manage personal life and other aspects of your life well.
5. Make sure you actually like kids
Before you start dating a single mom with a toddler, make sure you actually like kids and like the idea of being in a kid’s life.
Because, if your relationship with a single mother goes well, you will be part of her child’s life, and you want to be able to love that child and have them love you back.
If you aren’t sure how you feel about little ones and all their quirks and demands, don’t date a single mom.
6. Don’t act like a replacement husband/ dad
You don’t have to replace anyone. So, don’t attempt to act better. Just be who you are and always be kind, compassionate and empathetic. In the end, being a good person is all that counts.
7. Don’t rush the meeting
You like and appreciate that she’s a mom. But don’t rush into setting up a meeting with the child. Her child has been through a lot of emotional upheavals already.
Take your time building a bond with the mom first. Talk with her about the right time to make this important introduction, and do it on her terms. She knows her child best.
8. Don’t act like a rescuer
They don’t need your sympathy. So, don’t act like a knight in the shining armor. Just be with them, stick by their side and understand them. That’s all they need.
9. Express your intentions
Are you looking for a long term relationship or aren’t ready for commitment? No matter how you see your dating life, your partner must know. So, clear your intentions rather than playing around. This will keep you both on the same page.
10. Give her space to handle issues with her ex
In the event that the ex is still part of your girlfriend’s life, let her handle the communications and any issues that come up with that relationship.
If they are divorced, it is likely there is not a warm and fuzzy feeling between them, but they have to remain communicative for the child.
You may not agree with how they manage things, but hold yourself back from commenting on their relationship.
And don’t enter into any discourse with the ex directly. Let them be them.
However, you can provide support to your girlfriend by being a good sounding board and actively listening to her when she discusses her ex (and anything else!).
11. Show her that she can trust you
A single mom may have experienced broken trust in her past relationship with the father of her child. She may be wary. She may be reluctant to open up to you completely, to establish deep intimacy with you.
Give her time and show her you can be trusted. Make plans and stick to them.
(No last-minute canceling; remember—she’s reserved a babysitter for your night out.) Be reliable. Share yourself with her to encourage intimacy-building.
As time goes on, she will understand that you are someone she can count on, and your relationship will deepen naturally.
12. Don’t over expect
You must not have a lot of expectations from the relationship. Know they have a responsible life beyond their love life. So, allow them the space and time to keep things sorted in life rather than adding to their burden.
She’s had a kid. And that’s a beautiful thing. But her body will be different. Perhaps less firm. Breasts not as high. She may carry some extra weight around her belly that she’s sensitive about.
Remember: she does not have the luxury of going to work out at the gym every day and eating rabbit food to keep her weight down.
She is too busy making sure she’s there for her child. So if your priority is to date a woman with a tight, lean body, a woman whose life revolves around her Crossfit classes, don’t date a single mom.
If, however, you love this woman, tell her how much her body turns you on. She will relish hearing those words, especially if she has been feeling down about her mommy-shape.
14. Avoid being in guilt
There might be people telling you about your relationship, judging you and advising you. Dating a single mom might be eyed upon as negative but if you are really interested in the person, let nothing pull you down.
Avoid feeling the guilt of shifting from the so-called normal dating culture and go for the one you like, rather than who the society would like for you.
15. Focus on the dates
Single moms have their own set of challenges. So, before judging them for who they are in their life, get to know them the way they are. Stop assuming. Talk to them and listen as well. This will help clarify a lot of doubts about who they are as a person.
They are way beyond being only mothers. And it is your duty to know them well.
Why do guys date single moms?
Usually, anyone seeks love and support in the relationship. Men often prefer dating a single mom because they know they are not seeking volatile relationships. So, it helps them both be on the same page.
Also, they understand the roots of the relationship and have seen life in real sense- the ups and downs. Therefore, they know how to handle the difficulties and have been doing so single-handedly. The strength of the single moms is what drives men to them.
Where are you in your life?
Are you a single dad, too?
Make sure you have released your emotional baggage before you start dating a single mom.
Make sure your divorce is signed, sealed, and delivered. No “testing the dating market” if you are still married or just separated from your wife. It isn’t fair to the single mom who needs someone free and clear.
She’s got enough drama in her life. There are plenty of women who don’t mind hooking up with a guy who is just looking for sex or some company. Single moms aren’t and shouldn’t be your target.
Dating a single mom is different. If your previous relationships have been with women who have no children, this new dynamic can take some getting used to. However, once you are introduced to them and their children, take things slowly. Be a good emotional support and be an active participant in her well-being and the well-being of her little family.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.