10 Signs You’re Being Used in a Relationship & Ways to Deal

I have always been a believer that no one deserves to be treated poorly, especially in a relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where one person is using the other.

It isn’t always the case, and often it’s more of an innocent mistake than an act of malice. Coming from a personal experience, I understand how devastating it can be to have someone you love take advantage of you or turn their back on you. 

Licensed Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici says that, 

It is important to pay attention to your feelings and needs in the relationship. If you often feel drained, unappreciated, or taken advantage of, it may be a sign that you’re being used.

There was a time when I did things I’d never do now because I had become so infatuated with someone that I didn’t even realize what I was doing was unhealthy for me.

Thankfully, I recognized what I was doing and made the necessary changes in my life to break out of that relationship and move on with my life. As heartbreaking as it can be, these experiences can help teach us a lot about ourselves and help us grow as people.

Being used in a relationship can have many causes, but a few signs can help you identify when you’re being taken advantage of in a relationship. Let’s dive into the details.

What does it mean when you are being used in a relationship?

When someone is being used in a relationship, they are not being treated well. They may be used for their money, sex, or power. People who use the term “being used” usually refer to someone who is being abused in some way.

These abuses are usually emotional or physical in nature. For example, someone may use you for their money or time without giving you anything in return. They may make you feel guilty for being unhappy with the relationship, or they may give you superficial compliments rather than real ones.

To be in a relationship with someone who uses you means they are taking advantage of you for their benefit.

10 signs you’re being used in a relationship

Being used in a relationship can leave you feeling confused, drained, and emotionally isolated. If you constantly question your partner’s intentions or feel taken for granted, it may be time to look closer.

Understanding the warning signs can help you protect your emotional well-being. Here are 10 clear signs you’re being used in a relationship and experiencing a one-sided relationship.

1. You feel like nothing you do is good enough

If you feel like you are never good enough for your partner, you may be being used. You are constantly told that you are not good enough or don’t deserve something in your life. This may cause you to become insecure and doubt yourself.

• What they might say: “I’m just trying to help you improve,” or “You’re being too sensitive again.” They may frame criticism as honesty while ignoring how consistently they undermine your confidence and self-worth.

2. You are constantly blaming yourself for problems in relationships

When you are in a relationship with someone who is controlling, you may blame yourself for all the problems in the relationship. You may tell yourself that something is wrong with you and that you make mistakes that are causing problems in your relationships. 

This is designed to make you feel like there is nothing you can do to fix things. By placing the blame for everything on yourself, your partner can keep you under control.

• What they might say: “If you hadn’t reacted that way, this wouldn’t have happened,” or “You always make things complicated.” These statements subtly shift responsibility away from them and onto you.

3. Your partner isolates you from your friends and family

If your partner isolates you from your family and friends, you are probably being used to control you. Your partner does this because they feel threatened when they think you might be close to others outside the relationship.

Isolation is another way to control you because you will feel more dependent on your partner if you spend time away from them.

• What they might say: “They don’t really care about you as I do,” or “Your friends are a bad influence.” They often disguise isolation as concern or loyalty.

4. You are afraid to voice your opinion

If you are afraid to voice your opinion in a relationship, your partner might be using you. This is because you have to watch what you say to avoid offending your partner, which is one of the signs of an unequal relationship.

You are worried that your partner will become upset or angry with you if you voice an opinion that they do not agree with. By keeping you from expressing your opinions, your partner can control what you say and how they react towards you.

• What they might say: “Why are you always arguing?” or “Can’t you just agree for once?” They discourage open communication by making disagreement feel unsafe.

5. You are not financially independent

If you are not financially independent, being used in a relationship is a possibility. This means that you have no money outside your relationship with your partner. You will have to rely on them for financial support to survive.

If your partner gets angry or upset with you, they may cut off your support without warning. This will leave you and your family with nothing, which can be emotionally devastating.

• What they might say: “You wouldn’t survive without me,” or “I handle the money because I’m better at it.” These comments reinforce dependency and fear of independence.

6. You feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner

If you are walking on eggshells around your partner, you might need to protect yourself from the relationship. You need to watch everything you do and say around them so you do not make a mistake that could upset or anger them. 

This can cause you to be on edge at all times, making it difficult to relax and be yourself when you are around them.

• What they might say: “I wouldn’t get angry if you didn’t push my buttons,” or “You know how I am.” They justify unpredictable behavior instead of taking responsibility.

7. You feel stuck in your relationship

If you feel stuck in your relationship, you might be being used for someone else’s benefit. This is because you are unable to leave your partner. After all, they are holding you hostage in the relationship.

Leaving the relationship is not an option because you are afraid of what they may do to you or your family if you leave. To escape the relationship, you might need professional help to teach you how to get out of it safely.

• What they might say: “You’ll never find someone else,” or “Think about how much you’d hurt me if you left.” Fear and guilt are used to keep you in place.

8. You keep secrets from your partner to protect yourself

If you feel you are keeping secrets from your partner to protect yourself, you may be being used in a relationship. 

Protecting yourself means that you are keeping information from your partner to avoid causing an argument with them. This can make you resent the relationship because you feel you are no longer being heard.

• What they might say: “Why didn’t you tell me?” followed by anger or punishment. Their reactions teach you that honesty leads to emotional consequences.

9. Your partner expects you to cater to their needs all of the time

If your relationship is one-sided, you might be being used in a relationship. This means your partner does not demand that you be with them. Instead, they expect you to do all of the things that they need to keep them happy. 

They expect you to cater to their every need without ever reciprocating, which is one of the signs your partner doesn’t care. This can lead to resentment on your part and the end of your relationship.

• What they might say: “You know I need you,” or “You’re better at handling these things.” They normalize imbalance while offering little in return.

10. You are afraid to end things for fear of what they may do to you if you leave

If you feel too afraid to end your relationship because you fear what your partner may do if you leave, you may be using a person in a manipulative way to get what you want from them. 

If this is the case, you need to realize that it is not a healthy relationship and that you deserve to be treated better.

• What they might say: “You’ll regret leaving me,” or “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” These statements are meant to scare or emotionally trap you.

5 effects of being used in a relationship

Being used in a relationship by your partner is a sad place to be in. Realizing that you’re just a tool in their hands can do so much mental damage.

Here are 5 things that can happen to you when you’re being used in a relationship and how they can affect your life.

1. Depression

When you are being emotionally used and ignored, you are going to feel depressed a lot of the time. 

You’ll start feeling bad about yourself. You’ll start thinking about all the ways you’ve been used and all the negative things that have happened as a result. This is going to make you feel helpless and hopeless.

2. Feelings of isolation

When you’re being used in a relationship, you’ll feel like there’s no one you can turn to for support or advice. You’ll feel alone and isolated. This is going to make you unhappy and resentful towards your partner.

3. Low self-esteem

When your self-esteem is low, staying positive and motivated is much harder. You will be self-conscious about your appearance and how your partner treats you. As a result, you will start to feel depressed and withdrawn. You may even start to pull away from others and begin to isolate yourself.

In a relationship like this, people most commonly develop low self-esteem due to the nature of the behavior they face.

4. Lack of emotional support

When you feel that there is no emotional support or understanding from your partner, you will feel very lonely and unsupported.

You may become very depressed and feel depressed all the time. You may also withdraw from others and cut them off because you don’t have anyone to talk to anymore.

5. Feeling unappreciated

When your partner doesn’t show you any appreciation, you’re going to start to feel as if you don’t matter to them. This is going to make you miserable and depressed.

You will probably begin to hate yourself and lash out at your partner for making you feel this way.

What to do if you’re being used in a relationship: 5 strategies

If you’re in a relationship where you feel like you’re being used, it can be difficult to know what to do. You may feel like you don’t have a choice in the matter. But you do have options.

Here are 5 ways to learn how to deal with being used in a relationship:

1. Think about what you want from the relationship

Do you want someone who treats you well?

Do you want someone who makes you a priority in their life?

Is having someone who likes and respects you important to you?

If so, then it’s worth looking for a different partner who treats you with respect and kindness. Remember that you deserve to be treated well. You deserve a partner who doesn’t see you as an object to be used in any way that benefits them.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write down your non-negotiables in a relationship, such as respect, honesty, and emotional safety.
• Compare how your current relationship makes you feel versus how you want to feel.
• Ask yourself honestly whether this relationship aligns with your long-term emotional needs.

2. Don’t stay just for the sake of staying in the ‘relationship’

If it isn’t healthy for you or the relationship, there’s no point in staying there. The relationships you have in your life should be positive and rewarding, not negative and draining.

Staying out of fear, habit, or obligation can slowly erode your self-worth and emotional health. Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you’ve failed at the relationship; it means you’re prioritizing your well-being and long-term happiness.

Here’s what you can do:

• Separate fear of being alone from actual love or commitment.
• Remind yourself daily that comfort is not the same as happiness.
• Start emotionally preparing yourself for change by imagining a healthier future.

3. Talk to the other people in the relationship about how you feel

If you’re not happy in your relationship, it’s important to talk about it with your partner. Let your partner know you’re not happy in the relationship and explain why. They might not see what they’re doing wrong, and it’s better if they hear your concerns directly from you.

You should also talk to the other people in the relationship about your feelings as well. They might be able to shed some light on the situation, helping you figure out the best way to deal with it.

Here’s what you can do:

• Choose a calm moment to clearly explain how their behavior affects you emotionally.
• Use “I feel” statements instead of accusations to reduce defensiveness.
• Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor for honest feedback.

4. Set boundaries for yourself

If you feel uncomfortable in your relationship, it’s okay to tell your partner about it. Let them know that their actions aren’t okay with you and that you’d like to see something different happen in the relationship. 

Licensed Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici says that, 

As a therapist, I always tell my clients it is important to set boundaries and communicate them clearly. A healthy relationship should be based on mutual respect and consideration for each other’s needs.

It may feel awkward at first, but it’s important to be honest with yourself and your partner if you want things to change.

Here’s what you can do:

• Identify specific behaviors that make you feel used or disrespected.
• Communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly, without apologizing for them.
• Observe whether your partner respects those boundaries or repeatedly ignores them.

Watch this video featuring Emma McAdam, a licensed therapist, who shares how to set boundaries in a relationship that actually work:

5. Get outside help if you need it

Everyone deserves to have a positive experience in a relationship, but sometimes that’s not possible. If you feel that you’re in a toxic relationship that’s causing you more harm than good, it’s important to get the help you need to turn things around. 

Coach Silvana Mici further states that,

Trust your instincts. If something feels off or you notice a pattern of behavior that makes you uncomfortable, it’s important to address it and seek support if needed. 

There are a number of resources available that can help you learn how to find a healthier relationship and how to keep the one you’re in healthy as well.

Here’s what you can do:

• Consider speaking to a therapist or relationship counselor for guidance.
• Research support groups or online resources focused on unhealthy relationships.
• Create a safety plan if leaving the relationship feels emotionally or physically risky.

FAQs

I believe that being used in a relationship is an extremely painful and difficult experience. It feels like you’re constantly on the receiving end, and there’s always this feeling of being powerless.

It’s better to be safe than sorry. Check out these questions on being used in a relationship to know how to deal with it.

• What does being used do to a person?

When someone is used, they may feel a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and betrayal. Most often, people who are used to feeling discarded and having their feelings go unnoticed.

This may cause them to lash out at those around them and may even lead them to question their own self-worth. Couples counseling can help people work through these feelings to move forward and heal from the effects of being in a toxic relationship.

• What is it called when someone uses others?

The act of using someone for one’s own benefit. This can be done in a number of ways, such as exploiting them financially, manipulating them emotionally, or simply taking them without giving anything in return. 

This is known as “taking advantage” of someone else, and it can be very harmful to both the person who takes advantage and the person being taken advantage of.

• How do I stop being used in a relationship?

No one deserves to be treated badly or used. If you feel as though you are being manipulated or taken advantage of, it is important to speak up and tell someone you trust what is going on.

You are allowed to set boundaries and expect respect, even if doing so feels uncomfortable at first. Recognizing your worth and taking action can be the first step toward reclaiming your confidence and emotional safety.

Key takeaway

Realizing something feels off in your relationship can be heavy, confusing, and honestly… painful. But noticing the signs is already a powerful first step. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, naive, or “bad at love”; it means you’re becoming more aware.

Being used in a relationship can quietly wear down your confidence, but it doesn’t get to define your future. You’re allowed to want more, ask for better, and walk away if needed.

Healing isn’t rushed, and clarity often comes slowly… one honest thought at a time. Trust yourself; you deserve respect, care, and something that feels safe and mutual!

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Nayan Nihar Blogger

Words are a sweet escape for Nayan Nihar, and she is always brimming with effervescent ideas that need to be poured out within the constraints of 26 letters. Her forte lies in writing about relationships, and she has contributed to the same genre for brands like Filtercopy, Thought Catalog, and WeddingWire,... Read more amongst others. Being married to a dependable, loving & funny guy also helps her look at the functioning of a healthy marriage and discern what works well for it to be successful. Read less