Your wedding date is approaching. Before you get married, you have done an impressive job managing the multitude of details that planning this momentous occasion calls for. You are excited and ready to tie the knot. But wait! We’ve spoken with dozens of been-there couples who have some pre-marriage tips for you. Take a moment to read the following things to consider before getting married from those who know how best to grab that happily-ever-after feeling.
1. It’s not about the wedding, it’s about love
No couple has ever planned a wedding without their share of fights. From small bickering to all-out blow-ups, creating your dream day can bring on some arguments. What advice before marriage do the experts have? Remember one of the crucial pre-marriage tips that when you sense conflicts building as you work out the details for your wedding, pull back and take a deep breath.
The wedding is not an endpoint. It is the gateway to a shared life together. Don’t let the idea that your wedding day be perfect and create anxiety and friction. If you find that you are getting too wrapped up in making your wedding a gala production, take a step back and re-frame what this is all about: love. Bring your friends together to witness your vows and expressions of love. That’s all it needs to be.
Do not move towards marriage with premarital questions whether the marriage will change your partner into the person you are hoping they will be. If your future spouse has traits or habits that are irritating to you now, you can bet that these will be even more irritating post-wedding.
Address these pre-marriage questions before you plan or want to get married or just accept them as part of your beloved’s personality. Learning the art of practicing acceptance will be a useful skill as you grow old together.
3. Have the money talk before you need to
Premarital counselors will always ask engaged couples how they view money and its role in their life. They are right to provide financial pre-marriage tips to help you clarify. Money can be a source of conflict in any marriage. Are you a spender? A saver? Do you create a budget and stick to it? Do you set aside a certain amount of your earnings each month for an emergency (or vacation) fund?
Married for long couples advise this: Talk to your future spouse about how they manage their money and make sure you are both comfortable with each other’s spending and saving habits before you marry and start combining assets.
4. Ask yourself if you are ready to be married
Are you marrying for the right reasons? Are you indeed ready to enter this union? If not, do yourself and your future spouse a favor: wait. There is no need to rush into marriage. If you feel the pressure to tie the knot (from your partner, family, or society), take a time-out to sit back and reevaluate. Opt for pre-marriage counseling to understand yourself better.
If you find yourself thinking, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, I can always get a divorce,” stop right there and take a step back. Worried about hurting your partner’s feelings? There are gentle ways to ask for time: Try, “I love you very much, and I take this commitment seriously. But I want to feel that I am in the right place with my love before we get married. I need a little more time to get there.”
5. But don’t wait too long
The research shows that the longer couples who live together wait to marry, the more likely they are to continue living together without making their relationship legally official. Communication is vital here. If marriage is essential to one or both of you, one of the pre-marriage tips is to set a goal date for fixing a wedding date. If you don’t, it is likely that a wedding will never happen.
6. Get your mind around the idea of living with another person
If you have been living on your own for a long time, the difference comes as moving together as one of the steps to marriage. This shift to a two-person household will take some adjustment. That’s completely normal and does not mean you two aren’t made for each other. How do you make this change as smooth as possible? Communicate.
Before you move in together, a piece of premarital advice is to talk over how you see your new communal space. What is each of your needs in terms of workspace? Home gym? TV room? Does it make sense to move to an entirely new place, or have one of you moved into another person’s place? Have a definite plan in hand as you blend your lives will make this change a lot easier than just playing it by ear.
7. Sex and intimacy
If your sex life isn’t satisfying now, don’t count on it magically getting better just because you are man and wife. Decide how you wish to fix it through pre-marriage counseling. And if your sex life is terrific now, be mindful that changes may occur as you grow together. Communication and trust are essential pre-marriage tips to keep this part of married life healthy, happy, and hot!
8. Loving acts are important
When you were dating, you probably showed acts of love often; it’s part of the human mating ritual. Flowers, love notes, flirty texts, surprise weekends, and thoughtful gifts are all part of the dating love language. Sometimes you forget to keep these loving gestures going past the initial years of marriage. Couples can fall into a routine, take each other for granted. And then they wonder why they aren’t feeling as loving as they did in the early days of married life.
Loving acts are not the pre-marriage tips that you should continue only to keep the marriage happy, but they also do a lot in showing your partner that you see them. You appreciate them and love it when their face lights up when you walk through the door with a beautiful bouquet.
9. Marriage is hard (but worthy) work
Don’t be fooled into thinking that love is enough to make the wheels of married life run effortlessly. One of the essential pre-marriage tips that the experts share is that a good marriage takes work to keep it good. But it is the type of work which bears fruit continually, so the results are very much worth it.
Before marriage, it is crucial to go through the above pre-marriage questionnaire and ask yourself, “Do I need premarital counseling?” If you have doubts about, “Is counselling before marriage necessary?” you must know that it will help you have a clear understanding of what you want and how to move forward with your marriage. The video talks about the need for couples therapy and how it can help “neutralize our (pulses) through understanding and where possible rerouting them in less self-punishing and more trusting directions.”
Therefore, take pre-marriage tips and advice from successful couples and counselors before you step into the venture.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.