And so the big day is looming, things are going to get real, and you are about to become a married couple. But before you say ‘I do’, here are some marriage tips that many newly married couples wished they had known before they got married. This way, you can smoothly glide through this experience knowing what you need to know, and having everything ‘handled!’ like the marital god, or goddess that you are.
When you’ve read the tips, and married life kicks in, you’ll be pleased that you found these ‘before marriage tips’ to help you navigate this strange new world of committed togetherness!
1. Marriage is like nothing you’ve ever experienced before
You may well have been in a serious relationship with your fiance for many years, and even lived together for much of them. But marriage really is different, and it’s not just because you are now legally bound. Of course, the extent you went to, to get married along with the stress and financial impact of divorce might be a great reminder that you are in this together for good. But if there’s one tip that we can give you before marriage it’s this:
Your marital commitment is more than a legal and financial responsibility to each other, there’s a psychological, and dare we say it, a spiritual difference that occurs too after you have exchanged your vows.
As soon as you make those vows, you are on a very different path in life. And you are probably going to wake up occasionally and be quite overwhelmed by the fact that you are indeed married, and have committed the rest of your life to one person.
2. You have more responsibility, it’s not all about you anymore!
Being married and committed to another person, also means that they are committed and dedicated to you too. There are some major perks in that – but we don’t often find a problem with a perk, do we?
Which leads us to our next ‘before marriage tip’.
The downside can be that it was also easier in some situations to just be responsible for yourself. To be able to walk away if you wanted to, and to do things with only you, and your needs in mind. When you are married, marriage comes first, and before you in many ways. It’s quite a responsible thing to be responsible for another person and that can sometimes take you by surprise. Understanding this will help you greatly when you reach this epiphany.
3. It’s a constant work in progress
Before you stop to relax, smell the roses and enjoy your marriage, you might want to pay attention to this ‘before marriage tip’. You’ll need to start working on your marriage right from the offset. Otherwise, life rolls on, things that are familiar to us can be taken for granted and the distance between you can grow. Take time, from the beginning to set aside regular date nights, holidays, and traditions which are all designed to help you to reconnect and revitalise your marriage.
4. Where there are conflict and distance you both need to change
The person you married is not going to change because you are now married. So if you had any desire for them to change post marriage you are going to be disappointed. We are sure that you wouldn’t want anybody to change you, and so it works the other way too.
What needs to change, if you are in this situation, is your perspective on the parts of your Husband or Wife that you’d like to change. And if they have something serious such as a habit that can damage your relationship, then you should question why you think marriage will change that and whether you can live with this forever.
On a less serious note, many of the smaller, annoying and argument igniting habits can easily be dissolved when you realize that you should accept your partner just as they are – for better or for worse!
5. Welcome to your new family
You may well have enjoyed the company of your partners family, every now and again. But now you are married, you are theirs too! You may be lucky enough to love your partner’s family dearly. But there will still be some challenges that can occur, such as whose house will you visit at Christmas, or Thanksgiving. Sharing the children out amongst the in-laws! And acting like the son or daughter that they may now consider you to be (you now have four parents).
The problem is, your ‘new family’ probably won’t live life with the same values that your own family does – and if your in-laws aren’t invested in working on the relationship between you, and respecting those differences, there is naturally going to be some challenges and you’ll find yourself needing to take the high road, quite frequently.
Ideally, when handling a situation like this, try to remember that both family values will be different, and help your partner to understand this too. That way, you and your partner will be able to work out a solution between you and negotiate a resolution with your respective families on your partners’ behalf.