What Women Want in Bed: 21 Must-Know Things

Understanding what women want in bed isn’t about grand gestures or perfect moves—it’s about presence, warmth, and paying attention to the little things that make intimacy feel safe and exciting. 

Every woman is different; her desires shift with mood, comfort, and connection… and that’s what makes exploring together so meaningful! When you slow down, listen, and show genuine care, intimacy becomes less of a performance and more of a shared experience. 

Think soft laughs, gentle touches, whispered “this feels nice,” and moments where you’re simply enjoying each other’s energy. It’s these small, thoughtful details that often leave the deepest impact.

What qualities do women admire and like sexually in a relationship

So, what do women like in bed? It’s essential to recognize that individuals vary widely in their preferences, and there is no universal formula for what all women like sexually. People are unique, and what one person enjoys, another may not.

It is crucial to communicate openly with your partner and pay attention to their desires and boundaries. That said, here are some tips that may contribute to a positive sexual experience:

• Communication: Open and honest communication is key. Talk with your partner about their desires, boundaries, and fantasies. Encourage them to express their needs and preferences and be willing to share yours as well.
• Consent: Always prioritize and respect your partner’s boundaries. Consent is fundamental in any sexual activity, and both partners should feel comfortable and willing.
• Emotional connection: Building emotional intimacy can enhance the overall sexual experience. Feeling connected and emotionally close often leads to a more satisfying sexual relationship.
• Foreplay: If you think what women wants is ample time spent on foreplay. This can involve kissing, touching, and other forms of physical intimacy that help build arousal and anticipation.
• Variety: Keep things interesting by trying new things in the bedroom. This might include different positions and locations, or incorporating new elements into your sexual routine.
• Mutual exploration: Experimenting together and discovering each other’s bodies can be a fulfilling part of a sexual relationship. Be open to trying new things and learning what brings pleasure to both partners.
• Aftercare: After sexual activity, show affection and care. This can include cuddling, talking, or simply spending time together. Aftercare helps reinforce emotional connection and well-being.

21 things women really want in bed

What women want sexually is to be active participants who can express their needs and desires openly and expect the same from their mates. That’s the path to having a mutually satisfying sex life.

Intimacy is far more than just sex, and if you enjoy all aspects with your partner, a discussion on how you want to make love should be effortless. To help out, let’s look at a few things women like in bed.

1. Have confidence in yourself

One of the most basic answers to the question, “What do women want in bed?” is confidence.

A woman finds a partner who eludes confidence to be sexy. Self-esteem can sometimes diminish when the clothes come off, if it’s the first time for the two of you, or if you’re struggling with body image.

• What will help: If you remember that she is more focused on how you make her feel, not what you consider your flaws. Attraction, especially sexual attraction, isn’t necessarily something based on appearance.

2. Joint initiative

There’s a misperception that one or the other person needs to “take control” of the sexual encounter, and that’s phooey. What women want in bed but never say is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. Nor are there any set rules attached to making love.

• What will help:  Be free, explorative, and mutual, without either person having thoughts going through their mind that they need to do more or be more aggressive. Women want an authentic experience, not a role being played.

3. What women want to hear in bed

Women want to hear their partner respond to their touch in the same way that mates wish to listen to women’s sounds. That’s not saying make noises if you’re not feeling it, but express what you need to get there to the woman in your life.

• What will help: If you’re not making any noises to show that a woman is making you feel good and satisfying your needs, it isn’t very reassuring for her, as it wouldn’t be for you.

4. What do women like about sex?

Women love sex. It’s a misnomer to believe that women dislike sex. The fact is that women like sex when it’s fulfilling, and often, it’s not because mates are uninformed about how to satisfy a woman.

Each woman is indeed different in their expectations. Some women prefer that their mates take control and be aggressive. Some women prefer the experience to be mutual. But as a whole, women like to be “consumed” by their partner and vice versa.

• What will help: Gazing at every inch of their body, then touching each spot, staring into their eyes to take in the soul, or kisses that take your breath away . That should be what every woman wants in bed. Then everyone would love – and look forward – to sex.

5. Take it out of the bedroom

What women want in bed that some partners might not realize is spontaneity. Take it outside of the bedroom. That doesn’t necessarily mean out in public (though some women are exceptionally adventuresome), which can lead to repercussions, and no one is encouraging you to get into trouble.

• What will help: Try the couch, maybe the back garden, if you can find a private spot. The idea is to go on impulse and not a schedule.

6. But then again . . . how about a schedule?

One of the most pleasurable things for a woman is scheduling an intimate evening that might not even involve sex, but the hope is that it will be the climax to the “date.” It’s exciting to get all dressed up and go out for perhaps dinner.

• What will help: Come back home for an intimate dessert or adult beverage, ultimately developing the desire to become closer. The anticipation for the evening alone incites fantasies for each partner.

7. Bring in some sex toys

Sex toys don’t only need to be directed toward women. What a woman wants sexually is to get involved in the activity. Toys can be used for many different scenarios, or couples can become involved in role-playing to spice things up in the bedroom.

• What will help: The idea is to talk first and look at the varied options. Once you decide what you want to try, order them together and anticipate the package so you can give the items a try.

8. Don’t try to track your sex pattern

What women want from men sexually is to avoid being tracked for how long it’s been since the last encounter. No woman (nor should their partner) want to be reminded that there’s been a lapse in the bedroom.

There could be numerous reasons out of either of their control. This is an important point to remember in the guide for what women want in bed.

• What will help: Do not keep track; it merely adds pressure and can further stall the desire.

9. Enjoy the quickies

Sometimes passion takes over a person for many reasons, and sex needs to happen right then and there. It could be when the urge strikes at the most inopportune time, but there’s nothing wrong with a quickie. There’s such an intense feeling of desire; women come away with exceptional gratification.

• What will help: Keep things spontaneous and playful so the moment feels exciting rather than rushed.

10. Lingerie is not for that quick second

Women want to wear lingerie more than once or twice a year for that special occasion, or have it on longer than two seconds. Buy those fabulous bras and panty sets and wear them regularly, or get out of the fancy bodysuit.

• What will help: Allow yourself always to feel sexy and attractive. That’s what these pieces of clothing are for.

11. Make sure to invest in some lube

Not all women experience issues with dryness, but many do have this problem, enjoying sex much more with lube. Some women, though, like the idea of lubrication included in their sexual activity even if dryness is not a concern.

Too often, mates focus on a direct line to penetration instantly. Again, some women might find this to be the be-all for sexual satisfaction, but others might enjoy a little exploration before getting down to business.

• What will help: Use a good-quality lube to increase comfort, reduce friction, and enhance overall pleasure.

12. Women don’t want to fake anything

What women love in bed is authenticity. No woman feels good about having to “fake” anything, and no woman wants to do that, nor should she do that.

That’s not helping their sex life or their partner know what they need or want to have an actual orgasm. When a woman misleads a partner into believing they’re accomplishing “the task,” she’s only doing a disservice to herself and the relationship. 

• What will help:  An open, honest, and vulnerable conversation about what’s good and what’s lacking. Sex for a woman is not good when it’s not genuine.

13. They can show you what they want

Show your partner what you want if instructions are not working the way you hope they will. You’re two grown adults, and demonstrating the way you need to be touched is sometimes an ideal way to help a mate understand what precisely it is you’re trying to express.

No one wants to fumble awkwardly and feel frustrated, ruining the moment. 

•  What will help: Make it more intimate by guiding your mate’s hands. That helps your partner learn your needs and creates greater arousal during sex.

14. Talk to her during sex

So, what does a woman need in bed? Girls love to talk during sex. That’s not only dirty talk but also compliments. In fact, women love to both give and receive compliments in the bedroom. At the same time, dirty talk can indeed become arousing as you move further into foreplay.

• What will help: Hearing loving thoughts or compliments can also create desire, leading to an intimate encounter.

15. Make her feel good about herself

Girls like to feel good about themselves. Part of that is a woman accepting who she is and being comfortable in her skin. When your self-esteem is high, the experience will be incredible.

If you haven’t reached the point of loving yourself, you can’t satisfactorily give yourself to a mate sexually. You’ll be too concerned about how you look, how you’re performing, and if they’re enjoying. 

• What will help: Before becoming involved in a sexual relationship, build a relationship with yourself and love yourself first. Then your sex life can be amazing.

16. Make her feel loved, even outside the bedroom

Some things girls like in bed don’t happen in the bedroom. Love and affection are ongoing processes and contribute to your sexual encounters. The relationship will appear to be too cold for that. Women (and mates, I would presume) require intimate contact in their partnerships regularly. 

• What will help: Whether it’s a hand on the back while making dinner, stroking her hair, or kissing her on the cheek, she needs little reminders that she’s loved.

17. Courting is not a lost art

Women enjoy self-sufficiency, strength, and independence. That doesn’t detract from a desire to enjoy doors held open, courting from their mate, and flowers for special occasions.

The “wooing” from days past is not lost on the current generation. It’s not necessarily what girls like during sex, but the prelude that entices them to enjoy their sexual experience so much more.

• What will help: Add small, thoughtful gestures—like compliments or surprise kindness—to keep the emotional spark alive.

18. Do not be selfish

Women don’t want their partners to be selfish. Unfortunately, in many situations, a mate tends to focus on their self-satisfaction, forgetting that a whole other person is participating and hoping for pleasure as well.

The same is true for women; there should be no potential to expect the entire focus to be on your needs and nothing to be left for your partner. It should be a mutual, loving, respectful experience for both individuals.

• What will help: Focus equally on your partner’s pleasure, checking in, and sharing the experience with mutual care.

19. Alcohol is not the world’s greatest aphrodisiac

Something you can bet will not be on the list of what women want in bed is a drunken partner. Alcohol is not an aphrodisiac, nor can it help achieve an orgasm with a high blood alcohol level.

• What will help: If you were out having a good time and come home feeling like you want to continue the party in the bedroom, drink some coffee and sober up first. Drunken sex is the least pleasurable for a woman.

20. Don’t fall into a rut

Most women don’t want to develop a routine of when sex is “due.” That becomes a rut that is unappealing. Sex should be spontaneous when passion strikes, not an expectation for the partner during the week.

Once that happens, the magic is fading, and it’s time to communicate the issues to rejuvenate the relationship. This is where courting lessons come into play.

• What will help: Introduce small changes or surprises to keep intimacy fresh, spontaneous, and emotionally engaging.

Watch this TED Talk by Sarah Barmak, journalist and author, who shares how women’s sexuality is complex, shaped by confidence, communication, and freedom from myths.

21. Respect boundaries and communicate openly

It’s crucial to respect each other’s boundaries and communicate openly about desires, limits, and preferences. Creating a safe and open environment encourages trust and allows both partners to express their needs without fear of judgment. 

• What will help: Establishing clear communication helps build a deeper connection and ensures that both individuals feel valued in the relationship.

FAQs

When it comes to relationships and sexual intimacy, it’s natural to have questions about what women want in bed. In this section, we’ll provide brief answers to address these common concerns.

• How important is communication in meeting a woman’s desires in bed?

Communication is extremely important in meeting a woman’s desires in bed, as it helps create openness and understanding and allows both partners to express their needs and preferences.

• How much time do girls want in bed?

The amount of time girls want in bed can vary greatly depending on individual preferences and circumstances. It’s essential to communicate and find a mutual understanding to ensure both partners are satisfied.

• How to be romantic in bed for ladies?

To be romantic in bed for ladies, focus on creating a loving and intimate atmosphere. Use soft lighting, play sensual music, engage in foreplay, express your love both verbally and physically, and prioritize emotional connection.

Deeper connection

Understanding what women want in bed isn’t about memorizing techniques—it’s about nurturing trust, emotional closeness, and a willingness to explore together. Every woman is unique, and her desires evolve with comfort, connection, and communication. 

When you stay present, listen without judgment, and prioritize shared pleasure, intimacy naturally becomes deeper and more fulfilling. Small gestures, genuine curiosity, and thoughtful attention often make the biggest difference. 

Ultimately, it’s the combination of emotional warmth and physical responsiveness that turns intimacy into a truly meaningful experience for both partners.

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We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less