When we think back to ‘I do’, that day is filled with excitement, joy, anxiety, and even fear of the unknown. But after that blissful day, we began building our life together. We were enthusiastic about spending time together, sex, and building a friendship. Then a couple of years later you find that things have changed. The stressors of life have kicked in, weight gain, health challenges, and even children. And that spark that was present in the beginning is now fleeting and is replaced with the reality and responsibilities of life.
I believe that your intimacy can be restored and I have five easy steps to help you get there-
What does gratification mean to you as we explore intimacy, quality time, sex, and friendship? I define gratification in marriage as a heartfelt pleasure being fulfilled to and by someone you love, value, and trust.
Love that consists of a deep level of affection, admiration, and respect. This is important because it provides the framework for gratification, as it is the container that embraces all that is sacred to you as individuals and a couple. Love is more than a word. It is your action that is put forth to demonstrate your care and intention of the other.
Value holds your spouse in high esteem. She or he is important and valuable to you and together you create a precious treasure, which is your marital covenant between one another and God. You demonstrate appreciation for one another through acceptance of the other. Not attempting to change one another, but to place your attention on the positive qualities and traits of your partner. Focusing on the negative creates stress and tension, however aiming our thoughts to our mate’s positive attributes allow us to value them as a person and makes space to communicate our concerns at the proper time.
Trust in a marriage is an essential element. It allows for you to be free, especially as we engage in understanding gratification in a relationship. Trust is the ability to demonstrate your strength as an individual and spouse because you exhibit that you are reliable, dependable, and dedicated to your loved one.
2. Desire to connect
Desire states that you long for one another. Yearning to be connected physically, emotionally, and spiritually. To connect on each of these levels allows couples to have a sense of security and makes them realize that they can make it through anything. As a result, positioning them to have a liberated perspective within the sexual relationship. Open to give into the desires of connectedness blessed by God. Not denying one another because of our feelings, but creating an atmosphere that is nontoxic permitting your significant other to connect on a deeper level of intimacy.
3. Emotional Awareness
Constructing a healthy emotional awareness of your feelings are a fundamental aspect of fostering intimacy, quality time, sex, and friendship within the marital framework. Healthy emotions allow for each person to be aware of what they are feeling and why. This allows them to explore their mood and not explode on their significant other, allowing them the opportunity to be proactive and not reactive. Proactive means that you are aware and in control of your feelings and don’t allow your emotional state to have power over you. Therefore, you are able to respond to your attitude and you don’t allow it to cultivate into a venomous experience between you and your spouse; which can cause you to become emotionally disconnected. Breaking away from your loved one and destroying any chances of intimacy is what I define as reactive. Reactive is the opposite of proactive and causes an unpleasant experience in the relationship. You act in response to what you’re feeling causing your mood to control you, rather than you being in charge of your feelings. This leads to an unhealthy encounter and creates disengagement and lack of intimacy between you and your companion. So to connect on an emotional level you must be proactive and not reactive.
4. Physical Attraction
Physical attraction is when one is enticed by how the other looks. Many of the couples I see use this aspect of why they are not able to connect with their spouse. From weight gain, body type, and dress. From a health perspective we need to be healthy, however, in a marital relationship, I believe that when you work together, out of love, concern, and respect, it allows you to address the apprehensions that may be present within the relationship. For example, if the issue is attire, husbands can buy clothing they would like to see their wife wearing and wives vice versa. But when it comes to body type don’t use negative communication to tear down, however, respond by providing solutions or helpful and encouraging options to your partner. Over time our bodies can change, but that does not negate the covenant that we entered into with one another and God. Think about ways that you can seduce each other. Discuss what you would like to see and go from there. Teamwork permits each other to be heard and creates an atmosphere of possibilities. Your imagination is a great place to start.
That brings us to role play. Role play in the marital relationship can be a healthy way to maintain enjoyment and contentment in the marriage. I define role to play as the fantasizing in a marital relationship that encourages couples to maintain a healthy and vibrant sex life that is stimulating, energizing, and exciting. Role play is not designed to defame or insult, but to create the opportunity to discuss how to enhance your sex life that makes it inviting and impulsive.
Understanding that intimacy simply means being interested in one another is a vital function of marriage. Restoring intimacy in your marriage is possible and needs commitment, investment, and reinforcement. Be committed to the ‘I do’ and all that it represents, invest the time necessary to rebuild the relationship, and reinforce your attitude of love, value, and trust to create the intimacy that is healthy, genuine, and durable. As a result, establishing the opportunity for quality time, sex, and friendship.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
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