There is a reason why many fairy tales, movies, and romantic comedies end with the hero kissing the heroine or a simple proposal and sometimes a wedding. Falling in love is easy but staying in love after being married can be very difficult. So how do you keep the romance going?
John Gottman is a famous marriage researcher and a relationship counselor that claims that it is possible to predict whether your relationship will end in heartbreak or will succeed.
He claims that once the “falling in love” phase gets finished (which is a very hormonal driven time), the couples move to the next phase which is the “Can I trust you?” phase. At this point, a person starts wondering about their priority in the life of their partner.
As you start to question whether you are more important than your partner’s family, friends, and work, you begin to build loyalty in your long-lasting relationship or fall in a series of betrayal even before there is an actual betrayal.
You may start acting in ways that may give birth to betrayal. Similarly, you may act in a way that creates loyalty. The key Gottman believes to be a nurturing ground of a long-lasting relationship is by cherishing your partner.
During this phase of love, it is important that you feel that your partner has your best interest at heart.
But the question arises what makes love last? Keep on reading the relationship tips and some good relationship advice below to find out.
What makes love last
In Gottman’s book, he describes the five points that allow him to predict the nature of the relationship and find out whether it will last or not last.
So, how to have a long-lasting relationship? The five points of best advice for a relationship are:
1. Admiration and fondness
So, what do you need to be happy in a relationship?
Happy couples tend to talk about their tales and adventure with a specific kind of affection, warmth, and respect for one another.
These couples make use of spontaneous compliments and appreciation of each other.
Couples that have a weak admiration and fondness between them tend to think of an unfavorable first impression of their significant other.
2. Me-ness vs. We-ness
This is another secret to a long relationship.
Happy and successful couples tend to relate and think about stories where they work better as a unit for a successful and long-lasting relationship. They believe that they are in it together and this thought is very intense to both partners.
The clue that shows how a relationship will end is not their inability to solve an argument or a fight but the reason why they are stuck in it; which is that both partners focus on me and not we.
3. Knowing your partner
Detailed descriptions between a couple clearly indicate that they respect one another and continue to understand the other person’s point of view.
For building long-lasting relationships, happy couples tend to care what their partners think, what makes them happy and this positive energy radiates in their long-lasting relationship.
Couples who are not ready to know one another and lose this connection will not be interested in knowing about each other; they will guard their private life and remain impersonal.
One long term relationship advice is making an effort to know your partner well.
4. Adoring your struggles
Couples who think of their relationship history as chaos are usually very unhappy with the present. They avoid telling stories about learning from their negative experience and getting back up when things get hard.
They glorify their struggles by focusing on how their struggles help in strengthening their long-lasting relationship. This acts as a key to a long-lasting relationship.
5. Satisfaction vs. disappointment
When couples feel as if they are splitting, they express disappointment at how their long-lasting relationship turned out to be and is not what it should have been.
On the other hand, satisfied partners think that their relationship has met and excelled at all expectations even when reviewing the choices, they have made in the past.
One piece of helpful relationship advice for a long and happy marriage is the small moments that are important. These moments help in respecting, honoring your long-lasting relationship, and help in making love last.
6. Open communication
Couples that communicate better, live together. One key to a healthy relationship is to have effective communication in marriage. The effect of good and honest communication is often underestimated.
It helps clear doubts, avoid arguments, and aids in knowing each other better as a couple.
Be open in the relationship. This will also give a sense of emotional stability to your partner. Not just this, you should also make efforts to be an active listener in the relationship.
7. Be grateful
Another relationship advice is to never forget to say Thank you to your partner. This gives a sense of encouragement and involvement in the relationship. Once your partner feels appreciated in the relationship, they will work harder for it.
In the video below, Mat Boggs shares relationship advice for women and how to deepen your gratitude practice and amplify love in your relationship.
Happy couples ensure that they show their love for each other through ways more than saying I Love You often. Showing gratitude is just one of them.
So, take note to acknowledge all the efforts your partner makes in the relationship.
8. Maintaining individuality
It is important to not lose your identity in the relationship. More often than not, people tend to be so dived into the relationship that they lose the sense of self.
However, all successful relationships ensure that they draw the line between how much they give to each other and how much they give to themselves. This helps create a happy balance.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.