How to handle my emotions- My wife cheated on me; what should I do?
No man would like to discover that his wife cheated on him. For some, their world could crumble because they didn’t expect it. When some men ask, “How would I cope if my wife cheated on me?” That’s because it must have been difficult to process the thoughts and emotions that come with the situation.
If you have just found out that your wife cheated on you, or even suspect that she is cheating on you, you might want to know more insights, and understand why this is happening. Read on to know the various reasons people cheat, and how to move forward from this roadblock in your marriage.
Why do women cheat on their husbands?
There could be various reasons why women cheat on their husbands, and this is an aspect worth delving into. In this article, we will be showing husbands possible ways to recover from the shock of cheating, what to do with a cheating wife and how to forgive a cheating wife and move on.
In addition, for husbands who are willing to give their cheating wives another chance to make things right, we will provide guides on the right steps to take.
Camp and Taylor from the University of Arizona give a broad perspective in their journal on cheating in romantic relationships, which is worth checking out.
4 Ways to handle your emotions when you find your wife cheating
When a wife cheats on her husband, he might feel embarrassed, betrayed, heartbroken, and angry. The husband might question several things about his marriage and life, and it would look like the end of the journey for him.
Handling your emotions and regaining your self-control when you find your wife cheating is difficult. However, as per Relationship therapist, Dr. Martin Roswell’s book on the subject titled “My Wife Cheated on Me,” you can regain self-control and overcome your wife’s betrayal.
It is important to mention that when you find your wife cheating, try not to act hastily. Instead, be sure to use the tips below to keep yourself in check.
1. Don’t blame yourself
“My wife cheated on me…I must have done something wrong to deserve this.” This is one of the first thoughts of a partner who has been at the receiving end of a cheating partner, but it doesn’t mean that it’s a fact.
If you wonder what to do when your wife cheats on you with another man, the primary step is to quit blaming yourself if you’ve started. Cheating wives may give different reasons for their inactions which will most likely involve you in the blame game. However, irrespective of these reasons, know that it is not your fault.
2. Don’t seek revenge
When you are trying to get over a cheating wife, revenge may not be the ideal move. Do not be tempted to expose your wife on social media or to your friends. Also, don’t be propelled to get back at a cheating wife by having extramarital affairs.
You need to think about how your family and friends will react when they discover you made that rash decision. While you are thinking of the next step to take, keep the cheating details to yourself.
While you figure out how to deal with a cheating spouse, the reality of what happened can take its toll on you.
Hence, you should help yourself by implementing health measures like exercise, sleep during regular hours, eating healthy meals, and taking lots of water.
4. Seek professional counseling
It is a herculean task to cope with the reality of cheating by yourself. Therefore, if you feel the need, seek professional counseling, preferably from a marriage counselor. The beauty about seeing a counselor is, they will be there for you from the start to when you can cope by yourself.
A marriage counselor helps you gain deep insight into the issue. And you will be able to discuss with your partner while keeping your emotions in check.
Questions to ask yourself when you find your wife cheating on you
If your wife has been unfaithful to you, it is important to ask yourself some questions that will help you determine if you wish to and should stay in your marriage or not. Am I staying in the marriage because I don’t want to be alone?
If you are deciding whether to get back with your partner or not, this question is crucial. First, ensure you are not staying in the marriage because you are afraid of being alone.
Am I willing to forgive my wife if she cheated on me?
When confronting a cheater, forgiveness is one hard nut to crack.
First, you have to be sure if your wife deserves your forgiveness or not. Did your wife confess the cheating to you, or did you find out yourself?
If you notice your wife feels no remorse about her actions, she might not be sorry at all and might cheat again. Hence, forgive her and leave the marriage.
“My wife cheated on me, and I can’t stop thinking about it.” If that’s your state of mind, then here are some things to look into when confronting your cheating wife.
1. Select a private place to talk to her
When you want to confront and deal with a cheating wife, pick a private place. If you have children, ensure they are not around when you are discussing this with your wife.
2. Don’t assume your confrontation will end the relationship
There are some marriages where the wife cheats and the husband forgives and accepts her back if they mutually decide to do so.
Hence, if you are open to forgiving your cheating wife, don’t approach the confrontation with assumption. Instead, discuss it with her with an open mind.
3. Have accurate facts
When you want to confront a cheating wife, you need to have accurate facts.
If your accusation is baseless, she could end up denying it. However, when you are well-informed, it will be impossible for her to deny it.
4. Don’t divulge your suspicions with anyone
When trying to get back at a cheating wife by confronting her, be careful not to share your suspicions with others.
You should respect your marriage by protecting her even though she erred. The reason is, if it turns out to be a wrong call, it would be a stigma on your wife’s identity.
5. Listen and don’t interrupt your wife
Since you initiated the dialogue and confrontation, be ready to listen to your wife without interrupting. It is vital to listen to what they have to say before you make your decisions. At this point, if your wife confesses to an affair, take your time before deciding on what to do.
If you keep thinking that my wife cheated on me and didn’t think of me at all, so she should not have a say at all, it can make the entire conversation one-sided and pointless.
If you are still finding it hard to confront your cheating wife, you can checkQuick Easy Guides for tips to get started.
It’s difficult to process your emotions when you love your cheating wife. However, if you still love your cheating wife, there are some things you can do to help yourself.
Here are some tips you should consider if you still love your cheating wife:
1. Re-assess the reasons why you came together
If you still love your cheating wife and are responsive towards reconciliation, it is vital to go back to the drawing board. You need to list those qualities you found in your wife that made you fall in love with her and revisit why you found her excellent.
Also, ask your wife about the values she saw in you and the areas she wants you to improve.
2. Decide to communicate effectively
Among the reasons why your wife cheated, there is a chance you unintentionally played a role. Perhaps, if your wife had communicated her fears and intentions to you, it would have been avoided. Ensure you decide with your wife to keep up communication.
For instance, if your wife is starved emotionally, she should find it easy to communicate with you. Encourage her to feel free to discuss anything with you.
3. Build romance again
One reason why wives cheat on their husbands is that the romance in their life has withered. If your wife tells you this, it is crucial to work on it.
Then, you can plan romantic dates and ensure the both of you return to the point where you first fell in love.
4. Don’t let external factors influence your marriage
Sometimes, external factors enter the relationship, which can make either party cheat on the other. You need to identify those playing a positive role and those who want your marriage to crumble.
When you have issues in your marriage, don’t hurry to discuss them with people. Instead, reach out to marriage counselors to help you solve problems.
Watch this video to learn more on what to do if you find your wife cheating:
Should I forgive my cheating wife?
Some men ask questions like, “my wife cheated on me; should I take her back?” The answer to this question is relative as it depends on the peculiarity of the situation. If your wife is willing to change and put her past behind her, she is worth forgiveness, and you should accept her back.
On the other hand, if she is not interested in the marriage, you can forgive her but let her go. It would not be advisable to force her to stay in the marriage because she might cheat again.
Some wives turn a new leaf when caught cheating, while others continue because they are serial cheaters. However, some signs show a woman will keep cheating.
To analyze if your wife will cheat again or not, try attempting this quiz – “Will my wife cheat again?” and check out what the results show.
Did your wife cheat on you, and you don’t know the right step to take?
First, you need to take ample time to process your thoughts and emotions. Also, if you feel it is overwhelming for you, it is crucial to seek help from a trusted source, preferably a marriage counselor.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.