How to Get Intimate Financially in Your Marriage

How to get intimate financially in marriage

In a previous post, I discussed why couples should get financially intimate.


Now I will discuss how to strip off your layers of insecurity and trust issues when it comes to joint bank accounts.


  • First, couples must become more aware about their spouse’s current financial state. It is shocking how little some people know about their partner’s incomes, debts, and savings. Knowing this information about each other is the first step in joining your finances as all your spouse’s money issues now affect you as well.


  • You do not need to combine all your money but having at least one shared household account can definitely be beneficial. Couples should be as open and honest as possible about their spending habits and financials, especially since all your earnings are considered joined once you are married. Most couples have multiple shared expenses such as mortgage, rent, insurance, utilities, cars, food, cell phones, entertainment, etc. To pay these bills, you can use the shared household account. Married partners can set a budget for these expenses and decide who will make sure each bill gets paid. This is also an excellent time to set up a joint savings account for future plans as well.


  • Communication is key when discussing joining bank accounts. It may not seem it, but finances can be an emotional issue for most people. It involves trust and intimacy. Money tends to represent stability and power to people.  Making a plan that allows both partners to feel safe about their savings while still having enough to spend is ideal.  Many people have preconceived notions about money and spending based on their childhoods and families. Couples may not agree on every aspect of their joint bank accounts or financial futures, so you may need to involve a third party for extra help.  


Managing joint finances can be troublesome, but hopefully these tips were beneficial. Marriage is about working together for the greater good of both parties, and financial intimacy is a huge factor in reaching your future goals. Differences of opinion will happen when it comes to spending habits and financial choices, so couples must be prepared to work through those issues when they arise.

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Mary Kay Cocharo
Marriage & Family Therapist, LMFT
Mary Kay Cocharo, LMFT, “The Couples Therapist”, has been working with couples and families for over 25 years through her private practice in West Los Angeles, California. Her work focuses on helping couples rediscover the joy of being together, deepen communication and resolve conflict.

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